Keegan and Adventures

Wednesday, January 22, 2020



This is Keegan.

Here is what we've done together:
Ate dinner and played pool while talking to a regular at the bar. I didn’t have my ID on me so we stayed back from the bar area

Went to an indie pop club as well as a Great Dane DJ show

Made omelets at three am

Had a movie night with my sister, Joel, Lily, Rahmir, and him. We all stayed up too late. 

He watched one of my hip hop classes and said I was cute when I taught. 

Drove to newberg and back

Went to the mountains to snowboard

Had dinner with his family on Sunday around 4

Watched movies 

Worked out at the gym together

Went to a Chinese restaurant that played hip hop music then to a bar called Good Feet to drink a margarita and look at the art on the walls there

Stayed up late

Let his friend John and his family we played pool all together while I drank Spanish coffee. I was itching to dance so we went to a smaller club with a BOMb ass house based DJ. His name is DJ street. 

Jammed out everyplace we went in his beloved 4Runner 


Drove his family to the airport an hour drive

Attended mass with Daddy Dave. (Uhm inside joke.)

Went back to the mountains to board then to Keegan’s class

Slept lots of nights together. 

"I'm continuously mentally in a place that fosters growth, support, and love. It is not far from the physical attributes of home since locations haven't changed-- just the people around have. A sense of familiarity within the walls of a structure."
-Vanessa 

fucking adventure and growth is for people who move out of their parents home

Sunday, January 5, 2020

I had the longest conversation with my mother about the house I am living in. It was home until about eight months ago. Eight months ago I packed a "to go/ runaway" suitcase. The house I lived in has not felt like home for a long time, too long. I am ready to leave and start a new journey.

My mother during our conversation said that until I move out I will not be seen as an adult. I am 22. Regardless I can make my own decisions in my mind, not to her. I am learning at home and when I move out I will become- that's what she says at least.

There is only so much you can learn at home until you can't grow. I hate feeling stuck and like I am not growing... so I have made the choice to MOVE OUT. I am going to start a new adventure. Part of me wonders if I'll actually move out of "home" and the other part of me is saying, "Duh, of course, you will."

It will most likely be a few months or until summer. But I'll be in the process of moving out which makes me feel somewhat relieved.

I start back up again tomorrow as well as a new job and an internship. All very fitness related but big future stepping stones I'll be stepping on. Nothing makes me happier than a busy life. One that makes you feel like you are doing things. It's one of my favorite things.

A busy life makes a happy and distracted from the fact I am stuck at "home" V.

Thank you for your support and listening. I am signing off. Just a short update on one of my favorite internet corners.

when home isn't home

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Home hasn't felt like home since last summer.

Being home has been frustrating as fuck. When a home doesn't feel like home it's saddening. I find a home elsewhere and it makes me upset. The people who love me the most are at the home I struggle to call it home now. I am elsewhere trying to rely solely on the comfort I find within myself.

Finding comfort within yourself when you are anxious, hurting, and restless inside is a battle. I am more uncomfortable trying to find comfort than I am when I just let my soul be anywhere but home. Finding inner peace brings a feeling of home.

"Dear Santa, this Christmas I ask for peace. May it be brought to my family, friends, and passing of strangers. Love, Vanessa."

For Christmas, I want to find peace.

Inner peace is the only gift I need. It's found around the people you love and the ones who love you for who you are no matter where you are in this life.

This Christmas has been hard to swallow. Kind of reminds me of the vitamin I tried to swallow but coughed back up a few days ago. I know I need some kind of solid grounding but the kind that is written out to be that is not it.

I run from what doesn't feel like home and cave away into the darkness of my room, alone, trying to find inner comfort and peace this Holiday season.

Hoped this would have a happier ending but not all stories do.

UPDATES WITH V

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

(I have bangs now actually.) 

Here are some of the wonderful things happening in my life//

I'm going to be teaching 14 classes of dance in January- Bring me your children. I moved teaching  locations and the lady who I was working with before apparently spoke very highly of me. I am so honored to hear that. My face was smiley when my new employer told me that. I can't wait. Within the next weeks, I am going to come up with some very detailed lesson plans and progressions then share them with THPRD so they have some basic lesson plans.
I am making Dance CEUs- these are courses for trainers who need to keep their personal training certs active. I hope to educate dancers by my own experiences. 
I am going to university- You heard it here first! I am going to get my bachelors. I didn't think I'd end up here but I love education too much not to. Writing minor maybe?
I am healing- This takes time but I am so happy to have people who support me and my healing process. Teachers have given me time and understanding, friends have supported me, my family has been there for me, and I have shown up and kept trying. I have a little wind-down time and I am looking forward to that. 
Coffee. It's how I am collecting donations for the things I do. This season, if you have it in your heart and are able to consider buying me a coffee through this link.



Buy V a coffeeBuy V a coffee

WHAT THE F- LIFE

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Life is a huge what the fuck... sometimes, okay, most the time!

i FOUND myself reconnecting with someone yesterday who I ADORED having in my life. He is a gentle and insightful soul. A SOUL who is BEAUTIFUL. We had been disconnected for a few months only to reconnect yesterday. I was nervous about reconnecting but it worked out. It felt okay, and safe to open up to that person like I had before.

We ended up spending more time than we had planned together. I was happy about it. As we were talking I found out that we went through similar grief. This person has been experiencing losing someone like I had. I felt understood some of their heartache.

"If you could reconnect with someone who was in your life that you miss or who had an impact in your life who would you pick?"
-Cas

I would choose this person. They make me feel safe and understood which is how people should make you feel...

but the world is fucked.

So, when you find those kinds of gentle souls, keep them in your life. 
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