Wednesday, November 11, 2020

Healing After Birth

What was I so upset at yesterday? 

Why am I sad today?

What's resting inside of me?

My mind more than anything wants a vacation

A place to getaway

I was sleeping for the last nine months

why has there been an uncomfortable feeling lurking in the core of my body?

 

For three days we have tried to figure out what we were doing. I am neither excited nor disappointed with the outcome. It simply is what it is. I'll soon be alone with my baby once again while He goes on what I am considering a mini vacation.


There's a desire to heal in privacy. Birth itself was a shared journey. Not once did I feel alone or in private during it- I am thankful for that. Healing has been another shared journey. It is shared because there are others who are witnessing and watching every step of my healing process.

 

I’d like to have a fragment of time where I am unnoticed and in private- to heal. I want to heal in the darkness of solitude and come out healed when it's light outside. I want others to wonder. I want them to believe in magic being that they didn't see the process but have heard of it.

 

Alone and healing.

 

To heal one must find peace within themself.

 

I need to search a little deeper within myself. I need to heal by being. I need myself and the magic there is within me that comes out in times of need. I know what I need when I let myself be still.

 

Thought: So maybe I convinced myself Texas didn't sound like an awful idea because I shifted my perspective to see it as what I needed. A place to be alone and heal. I also feel like I have been finding every possible place to hide and moments to escape. 

 

One's self is muted when around so many others. How others think I need to heal can distract me from my own coping methods. I need myself right now. I know what I need in order to heal but I can't hear myself when it's loud.

 

I just need a quiet place where I can listen. 




1 comment

  1. I hope you get your chance to heal. Having a baby can really take it's toll. I've been by my mom's side through a couple of hers and I think people can forget that.
    <3

    ReplyDelete

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