Saturday, June 6, 2020

words i haven't posted


inside my head, I feel it spinning. restless, unsteady, unmoving.

the therapist will think my mind fucked up. it's all a mess but it's alright. Damn.

aliens- let's go to the stars and find one
maybe I can go and be one

to the moon and back

aliens and back
February 5, 2019


There is a haunting quiet moving in my soul. It's unsettling but comforting too. I need to remember that in these times where I think I could go back into a state of depression that there isn't a need to worry. What happens will happen.

I want to be a lot of things. Someone who doesn't worry for herself but for others. However, how can you take care of others when you aren't taken care of. There is only so much to give before you are broken inside and have little to offer since there would be no hope.

I care for others a great deal and I hope to the universe that I always will. Others are my calling I am a caretaker.
February 12, 2019


My brows are scrunched together like a piece of tape rolled into a ball
I wonder about us
February 17, 2019


particles in the air get caught on your skin.
my emotions will never stick to you,
instead, they will gravitate towards me.
April 2, 2019


i held your dog's ashes in my hand as we laid in your bed
the comforter tangled around us as we laid in mumbles
light seeped through the sheets hung as curtains
cold fragile glass touched my fingers and
the metal military chain it was attached to laid tangled
"hey bob, i think i understand why he needed you."


the wood door was being separated from it's resting spot
as he opened it i heard the music and smelled the smog
lingering pockets of intoxication were floating in the air
earlier that day i said something like, "it must really be hard emotionally 
to have to deal with your mother always being intoxicated
and having to talk care of her instead of getting support from her."
his mom looked at me. through shot eyes. she looked through me.
Vanessa was what I said after she asked my name
my name was
Earlier he told me about his mother and
I knew it hurt because he told me about her with so much humor masked on top of it.
Humor can be a sad thing.
He was in shock that I picked up what he hid emotionally and told me that it was
almost comforting someone noticed that there was emotion behind his story.
that hurt to hear. that he like others were misunderstood. 
April 11, 2019


summertime sadness.
May 26, 2019


I can relate to this boy and how he struggles with his family life. I can also see that there is so much more out there for him. I hope him well. His blonde curls and goofy face.

He carried some depth to him though. Like, no one had taken the time to just listen to him. And I wish we both were not at the place I worked but instead just somewhere quiet where I could hear all of it.
June 20, 2019


It isn't about what you've gone through but how you talk about what you have experienced.

You might have thought you were telling me another life story but in reality, you were showing me what it was like to live like you.
July 17, 2019


Your feelings are real but they are not reality.

Feelings are not facts.
July 22, 2019


a dear conner kind of deal about my life. 
December 6, 2019

S t r u g g l e s (I write this under the spell of a coffee high)

I was very emotional last night. I had talked to a few people who had seemed to be going through a difficult time in their lives. It dawned on me that there are so many humans who are struggling to see light and are going through hell so that they can make it out of the dark. The words I shared with those struggling were the words I needed to listen to myself.

"We make mistakes as humans. The feeling of dread and self-disappointment gets us all down. Moving on is hard but it's always a possibility. The journey is hard but remember to be gentle and kind to yourself."
January 28, 2020


"I love your soul. I hope you're happy."

It's not often I hear these two sentences but when I do, I keep them close to my heart. Those words make me feel comfortable being myself and tell me that someone cares enough about me to hope for the best. I hope you're happy too. Thank you for caring.
April 18, 2020


The last three days I've felt my heart in my chest.
I spend time wondering where this feeling came from.
Moments, where I am distracted from this feeling, make me feel like I am flying.

I'd be a sad dancer if I danced right now. I feel like I am being watched all the time and the only times I feel like sharing my feelings are when the lights are out and you can't see my face.
April 30, 2020


 I spend days sleeping and looking out into space even when it's not dark enough to see the stars

As long as the eyes have a story I am attached to- they are beautiful
May 12, 2020


have a special power
anyone who's talked to you
wants to be in your space

you've got charm
they are curious about you

still to this day
i am wondering
what else you
are made of
June 1, 2020


  1. I found all of these so beautifully haunting. You have such a gorgeous writing style!

    1. That's the word I was looking for. Haunting. Thank you for always reading.

  2. "Your feelings are real but they are not reality." I wish you so many good things and I'm glad you put this kind of writing into the world. ♡

  3. Hi, my dear! I'm finally back and I see your blog has a new template - it's SO nice ♡ Your writings are really beautiful!
    Ann xx


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Maira Gall