Wednesday, May 6, 2020

peaceful solitude



My mind keeps wandering to this beach. I am not in love with beaches like I am mountains and forests but this beach gave light to my soul.

I remember one night I didn't want to sleep so I watched the stars and in the earlier hours I watched the sun bring the morning with it. I don't remember thinking about anything outside of what was happening. When I think about what I felt that night, I remember a feeling of peaceful solitude. That night it was the stars, moon, sun, and I keeping each other company from a distance.

Two nights ago, I sat still in the cold that night brought. My blanket and my music wrapped around me. When Fidelity by Jasmine Thompson played I pictured myself getting off the deck, walking to the middle of the parking lot, and dancing barefoot on the cement with my blanket to this song. I sat there imagining that for so long that eventually I replayed the song, walked to the middle of the moonlit parking lot, and started to dance.

A cold so great numbed my feet so much so that I couldn't feel how rough the cement was. Even if I could feel the cement I know I would have been so distracted by my shadow on the ground and the feeling of no one watching that I wouldn't have stopped dancing. At that moment I knew I was unique because I don't think it's just anyone that would get up to dance by themselves barefoot only to try to cheer themselves up.

I find comfort in those stars, the darkness of night, and doing things by my lonesome. I think about all the time I've done something on my own in the middle of the night. It's a lot. In fact, this is another of those times. I am sitting in the quiet of the night with my laptop. Simple as that.

I write this in hopes of opening up more possibilities for myself during the dark of night.

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Maira Gall