Thursday, April 23, 2020

misery creates compassion

There was a small part of a book that read something like, "In order to have compassion, we must go through times of misery, for the more we suffer the more compassionate we become."  The author then writes, "Should I create more misery and suffering in my life so that I can become a more compassionate and empathic person?"

I read these words two days ago. They have lingered in my mind. I feel as that I have gone through my fair share of tragedies- many of them self-created. If I didn't do that one thing I wouldn't have ended up in the situation I was in. Perhaps I can't avoid making my life a mess because it seems like I turn my life into the living hell it didn't have to be about every year or so.

2017 Summer- Not my fault situation number1
2018 Spring- Things happen that are out of your control but how you react is your choice situation number 2
2020 Winter- You could have chose not to but you did situation number 3'
(I don't feel like publicly announcing the events that turned my life upside down) 

Those are the kinds of things I would change/erase given the chance to go back in time. At least at first, I would want to change/erase them but after having had worked through them I have learned that those are the kinds of things that have helped me become ME. These cringe-worthy events have turned into something bittersweet.

It's troublesome to wander in these events. They all are heavy in negative emotions and fuzzy in detail. The most recent events are fresh in my mind, are hard to process, and are not to be talked about. Absentmindedly, I retrace the steps of the most recent event to try to make some sense of it all. Normally, I am left with feelings of hatred towards the choices I made. I want nothing but for the wandering to stop and the memories to delete themselves. So I delete pictures I don't like to think about and videos that replay for longer in my mind than on the phone. I don't want to think about it- I hate that it happened. I went through enough to scar me for years to come.

Having compassion for myself in this kind of situation feels near impossible. I am too embarrassed, full of shame, and self-hatred. Forgiveness will come eventually but it will take time rewalking through memories to understand that I deserve self- compassion.

Misery might help us relate to others and become more compassionate towards them but our own misery is unrelated and new.

I am healing and working through the details so that I can create self-compassion towards situations in my life that are lacking it. I would not like to purposely create more misery in attempts to gain more compassion towards others but I'd like to work through my own situations so I can better relate and love others and myself.


  1. Yes, we can use our misery to become better or bitter! Of course, misery isn't desirable, but who we become always is ;)


  2. Aw girl, time will make you heal. Stuff happens all the time. And yes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - misery does build compassion.


    1. You aren't wrong there. Thank you for commenting <3

  3. Time will heal, these things will make you stronger x

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  4. I relate to this a lot, I'm still working on myself and my reactions to things too.
    I think just the fact that your reflecting on it, and trying to learn from it shows how strong you are. <3

    1. That last sentence is something I always remind myself of. That I am thinking about it and working through it by that. I hope the best for you and what you are working on (:

  5. Just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm a good listener :) i definitely have some baggage of my own and i have been able to come to terms with by writing poetry. So writing definitely helps at least in my case.


    1. Thank you for reaching out! I love using art to help work through my own challenges :) Super helpful! Followed you on instagram I might take you up on reaching out and talking!


Every one of your comments makes me smile. Thank you for your support and love! It's truly appreciated, my friend!

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Maira Gall