when home isn't home

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Home hasn't felt like home since last summer.

Being home has been frustrating as fuck. When a home doesn't feel like home it's saddening. I find a home elsewhere and it makes me upset. The people who love me the most are at the home I struggle to call it home now. I am elsewhere trying to rely solely on the comfort I find within myself.

Finding comfort within yourself when you are anxious, hurting, and restless inside is a battle. I am more uncomfortable trying to find comfort than I am when I just let my soul be anywhere but home. Finding inner peace brings a feeling of home.

"Dear Santa, this Christmas I ask for peace. May it be brought to my family, friends, and passing of strangers. Love, Vanessa."

For Christmas, I want to find peace.

Inner peace is the only gift I need. It's found around the people you love and the ones who love you for who you are no matter where you are in this life.

This Christmas has been hard to swallow. Kind of reminds me of the vitamin I tried to swallow but coughed back up a few days ago. I know I need some kind of solid grounding but the kind that is written out to be that is not it.

I run from what doesn't feel like home and cave away into the darkness of my room, alone, trying to find inner comfort and peace this Holiday season.

Hoped this would have a happier ending but not all stories do.


  1. Girl I am so sorry. <3 <3 <3 Jesus loves you. It's cliche as heck but it's true.
    You are loved girl. *Lots of Hugs*

  2. Oh Vanessa, I am sorry. The light and kindness of the comments you leave on my blog are gifts- I would have had no idea of how you are truly feeling if I hadn't stopped by your blog. It makes me so sad to hear the struggle and pain you're enduring right now. As Kara said, though, so will I. Jesus loves you. I love you, too, and will be praying for you. Please say if there's anything more I can do from you, even though we're most likely separated by miles, borders, sea, computer screens...just say if you at all feel free to.


    1. Your support means much to me. I was talking to someone who is special in my life a few days ago and I was telling him how the support I got in my teen years through this blog and the community of girls helped me become who I was.

      You have always been so kind and loving. Thank you for being yourself. I will reach out if I feel the need. You can always do the same. <3

  3. I'm so sorry life is so hard for you and I feel your pain and wish it away as soon as possible. I'll keep praying you get the peace you need.

    MB: keturahskorner.blogspot.com
    PB: thegirlwhodoesntexist.com

  4. Hope you're feeling better. Nothing is worse than that feeling.
    I hate when your homesick, but you're already home.

  5. Hope you find the way out! I will support you!


Every one of your comments makes me smile. Thank you for your support and love! It's truly appreciated, my friend!

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