Sunday, March 18, 2018

Tuesday, March 13, 2018


You are my Spring Forest.

Welcoming me in with your eye-catching wonders
I watch as the creatures of the forest find light in you
I see that your forest is alive
I see you growing but also wanting to nurture and learn

I see animals slowly and carefully walking into your forest but, oh, my dear, they leave with a sense of belonging, purpose, and love from what they found in you.
The forest tries to understand them and that is enough.

Understand me.

As I walk on your ground.
Feel my feet be nipped by the pine needles
My hands weaving through the ferns
and my voice tickling the wind

The clouds are overhead and a grey filter is covering your world
The rain falls on the trees and drips onto me
You turn drops of rain into sunshine in the darkest of days
Sweet little sunshine kisses placed all over my body.

My wandering soul finds a place to rest in your home.
A deep cry of air in and a light cry out
The water from the creek plays my favorite childhood songs
And the air doesn't leave toxins in my lungs.

One cherry blossomed laced shoe after the other I walk the paths of your heart.
A mud puddle is to be avoided but is leaped over
I leave little footprints over your forest ground
Picking up your leaves and rocks to hold in my hand

My world is feet away 
back to my world; the one that isn't easy to live in

As I walk away from you I feel these things

I feel as if I was the only thing that mattered in your forest
I felt like you accepted to what I hummed
You observed me, supported me and listened.

I walk into my world standing taller.

There is one place I can come to in the spring
The forest
I can come to you.

As I wander abroad I hold your rock in my hand

Sunday, March 11, 2018


I am laying top off in a room where the sun shines on the carpet. The sun is like a cuddle. It warms me up the same way being held would. I feel safe in this room. Safe almost. Like nothing can harm me while I attempt to fall asleep again.

I slept in until nine today. Although the change in wake up time gave me a headache it was nice to get the extra hours of sleep. A thought that came to mind was giving out some free cuddles. Helps someone while helping myself. No creeps allowed but it's pretty much a win-win for both people. Huge chance this is just something I ramble about on the blog. Just words and thoughts haha not going to happen... maybe.

I made a daisy crown this morning. That filled my heart with joy. A little time to do something my inner child loves. I love letting my inner child stand out. It allows me to think less and just do. Jump into the creek like I would, or run because I might be late and not care if people are watching me skip to class.

I wish I was less concerned about what others thought.

Something that came to mind the other night was the concept of helping people.

By helping one person you allow yourself to help many more. That one person takes cares of so many other people so if that person was helped by you then you are helping them help others.

One is many.

It's a cute little idea because I go around saying I want to make one person day better. If I do that I am going beyond just one person. Making each other lives better directly and indirectly towards the people in that person's circle.

Oh, I hope that makes sense.

I have been hearding God calling me to become more involed in faith formation and youth groups. It's kind of wonderful becuase I have been asking God to show me how to love him more and be more involed and now that he has given me more knowlege about my faith he is sending me forth to the next step. I am making progress. Thank God. No, really, thank you, God. 

People have told me I live to inpire now I tell people that myself. I want to be someone who is an inspiration. If you have been inspired by me I would love to know in which ways in the comments. Please let me know.

I love you all!

If you all even need to talk feel free to write, email, or DM me on instagram!


Wednesday, February 28, 2018


I got enrolled in the exercise science program at PCC! YES! You all it's happening! I am going to become a trainer and teach people to live healthy lives! You don't know how excited I am for this! It's going to be so wonderfully awesome! I meet with an advisor at another campus, got lost, and signed up for classes yesterday! FUN STUFF. Next term is going to be so busy! Full days of class from 9-2 on Monday- Wednesday and 12-6 on Tuesday- Thursday!

I applied for a job at a gym and didn't get it. So it's their loss they didn't hire me for a desk job to greet people BUT now that I have classes ready for spring I wouldn't have been able to work anyways. Thank goodness that God has a plan for me!

I started SIMPLE HEALTH HUMAN! + ONLINE COACHING! V opened up a new blog on V-day! (Valentines Day!) It's all health and fitness related and for all ages and levels of health and fitness! Go email subscribe! Pleaseee! LINK HERE.

I went through a lot of stress! Family, life, people, mental, and everything. It was a crazy month! From things with my aunt to that affecting my mental health, to that panic attack I had, and being busy! School is so irrelevant. I stay on top of it but it's at the bottom of my list. If it's at the bottom and I have so much going on imagine how crazy it is to manage all that!

"There are some things that I feel like I need to watch. Every passing day I feel less depressed and more talkative. It's nice but I know it'll go south again."]

"I was about to hit the bottom of the concert, or sea, or run off into a street of cars. I'm awake now. I am safe, I am safe, I'm okay... I become more relaxed the thoughts in my head become a screenplay. Then a dream. I'm walking through the hallways of a school. All these people near and around me. They are looking at me. I want to run. So, I run and the halls become the sky and the people are now trees and animals. The forest surrounds me, moss under my moving geet. The trees run with me."


"Remeber how back in January I said that I needed to go on more adventures and do things that put me out of the ordinary to create more experiences? Well, it's finally happening. There are weeks where the sun is out and the air is cold. Those are the days that make my soul happy."

"A sweet tea called Paris sits in front of my Journal. The taste is light, but also quite strong. It's a beautiful blend. A wonderful smell as well. I am trying to drink my tea perfect temp. tea before it goes colder than I wish it to be. A day like this is my favorite. I can tell I will be spending a lot of time in this so very peaceful coffee shop."

SUGAR// I did okay when it came to less sugar. I still have to have my coffee with sugar but it's normal honey and then at night maybe ice cream. It's a great thing, but sugar is like a devil. It's okay! I am still feeling good about this one!

GOD// OH YES. There have been so many amazing things that are God related. This weekend a little boy gave me a metal and said, "Here, I think you'll understand this." The metal was of a dove and on the back said something about the Holy Spirit. As I took a picture of the metal I saw that my ring was the same kind of bird as the metal. That was amazing that something like that happened to me. Hi, God! I hear you and am listening to what you are saying! Do these things happen to you all too?

Poems! I have been giving away random poems and writing more and more in a journal and in a google docs journal. It's been surreal! I love writing words and expressing those wonderfully hard to describe feelings of ours.

Music// THE FEELS. Check out this playlist!

People// People seem to just want to talk to me all the time! I don't mind at all! I have been some amazing and wonderful souls! Thankful they feel like they can up to me and say hi! So many times it's happened while I am dancing in the gym! "Oh, my goodness, that talent!" AHHH THANK YOU!! I am super excited about our dance show in March! I have a lot to learn though!
Keyboard// MY DAD FIXED AND BOUGHT ME A NEW KEYBOARD FOR MY LAPTOP! Oh my goodness! Now the N and B and UP and DOWN volume work!

Saturday, February 24, 2018


HEY YOU ALL! CHECK OUT THIS LINK TO MY HEALTH AND FITNESS BLOG LAUNCH! (we might have failed at this many times before but it's now happening!) ALL GOOD STUFF!! Go leave some love on my other blog and fill out that application form for a free online three-month training sesh with V! 


Tuesday, February 20, 2018


12.10.17 Frostbite

If I didn't feel the slight tingle in my hands or notice their stiffness I wouldn't know my hands were cold because the only time I pay attention to my hands is when frostbite chews.

The only time I relize I am not happy is when I am sad. Sadness is like frostbite. Its and emtint that is more powerful than the best becuase you feel it harder.

Sadness is hands that have no mittends in the winter.

I notive what I do;t have when I most need what I don't have. Stolen mittens are missed and longed for when I am standing, cold and sad, in a grey world.

Frostbitten hands long the mittens that could make them warm.

Saturday, February 17, 2018


I can feel my heavy heart in my chest.When emotions are that strong you're able to feel every little thing. And you wonder if you'll ever be happy again or if this is the downfall to more gloomy days.

Down my face.
Invading my space.
My mind is light,
My heart is heavy.
There are so many things I want right now. I want a hug. That's the thing I need the most. I need someone to tell me to hold on and that it'll be okay, they will be there for me.
He does all that in one heartbeat. I can feel him speaking to me telling me ill be okay. That this is only temporary and that the pain has a purpose. I want to trust all that but sometimes its hard.
God are you there? Show me yours here?
That's the thing about faith. It's something you must believe it for to be true. Otherwise, you're stuck wondering if there is a higher power. And when you wonder you aren't grounded.
I think there's a God. I know there is a god, probably, but I'm young and stupid. I don't know a lot of things. I'm still discovering and making up stories for myself to believe in.

I'm not crying anymore. Is this because there is a god and he said, "Vanessa, think about me for a little while, and forget about your problems while you figure out who I am."

There must be a God. Some kind of beautiful higher power

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