I can hold my blog now

Monday, July 1, 2019


MY BLOG IS IN A BINDER NOW//
Like many bloggers, I had the fear of Blogger being shut down randomly and losing all the posts I had written since I was 15. So, in the Fall of 2018, I put all my posts into a word document, reformated it, and those pages sat there until I decided to print all 238 pages of my blog. Recently, I printed those pages, hole punched them and put them into a binder. 

Over the past few days, I have been reading the posts which I can now hold and see on paper! It's been a very nostalgic journey reading posts I haven't dared to think about from my 15-year-old self. I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my feelings and thoughts on the manner.

BLOGGING HISTORY//

THOUGHTS//
As I've been reading old posts the one thought that keeps coming into my mind is that I was a story in the making. There are posts where I am talking about where I would be in five years from when I was 17 and although 70% of what I thought I would be doing is wrong I still got some of it right. The younger writer in me was a draft. Looking back at these posts, I see a version of myself who knew what she loved and was developing thoughts but still didn't have a realistic understanding of the world or herself.

I feel so much as I read through the first few years of posts. Laughs coming from me as I read about what high school was like, what I did in summer, what thoughts I had, and where I dreamed of being. I didn't think I was a naive teen until now but there is also a gentleness towards that 15-year-old becuase she had so much hope. 

From freshman year to senior year, posts develope from short, "Hello, here is what's happening," posts to, "This is what I think and feel." The change is evident as posts become longer. The naive teen slips away a little bit at a time when asked where I see myself in a few years is answered more simplisticly. The blogging community also became more united as I found girls like myself who wanted to share words with each other.

The last two years of college are something I laugh at through what I blogged. One of my very first posts about college is about how I had left signing up for classes until the very last minute. I later then remark months after that I did the very same thing. Silly, college student. The conversations with the people I had at college changed my thoughts too. I blogged a lot about the people I met there. I was always in shock that these people weren't complete assholes. Go figure that people who aren't stuck together for four years in high school with raging hormones aren't complete meanies.

Today, I read old blog posts in my blog binder. I may not have written a book but I wrote a blog and that is something I am proud of. My heart is content knowing that I have grown so much in thoughts and words.


SNIPPETS//
"Currently I'm sitting here at Great Wolf with a bunch and I mean a freaking large amount of children." -2014, Great Wolf

"I'm so bored right now. The family is asleep and I can't do much but lay here in bed and pray that I, Vanessa, will find something to do in the middle of the night." -2014, Can't Sleep

"What I am saying is that instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future we should focus on what is happening right now." 2015, Focusing On The Moment

"What motivates me the most to write is the fact that I want to be able to look back on what I have done and experienced in my teenage life." 2015, Why I blog

"Sleeping in the car is always difficult. The noise, being bumped around, and sunlight kissing your eyeballs when all you want is a dark calm space to drift off." 2015, A Week I Won't Forget

"I wonder if any of you have this problem that when you spend so long alone doing whatever you want that when you have to interact with people again you question how you'll be able to survive that." 2016, Mini Rants

"Looking into my future is like looking through the fog, most of it is unclear, but if you look closely you can make out a few things." 2016, 100 Followers

"All today, becuase of yesterday's mistake I was looking through classes and trying to put together a schedule so that I could take classes tomorrow and the rest of the term." 2016, Frustrating College Stuff

"I learned something from every person that left me with an empty feeling when I say their name. I wrote down their names, thankful for them." 2016, I'm Thankful For Disappointment

"Coffee, small talks, smile, stretching, showers, and a hint of sarcastically complaining have helped me stay alive when I have felt the most like giving up." 2017, I'm Me When I'm Alone

"Slowly I was seeing your face fade, I was regaining consciousness, I wanted to stay, but human nature dragged me away." 2017, Raven

"Summer, as usual, has been slow. It's like one of the child- friendly rides at the amusement park. It's not the most exciting ride but you enjoy it becuase it brings back memories." 2017, Blah

"I sit in class wondering how she is. My body sits in a chair but my mind isn't present." 2018, Not Here

"I am laying in a room where the sun shines on the carpet. The sun is like a cuddle." 2018, V's Random Thoughts

"A little time to do something my inner child loves. I love letting my inner child stand out. It allows me to think less and just be." 2018, V's Random Thoughts

"She reminded me to look back at the rainbow and I know that can be taken into daily living with me. Allowing myself to see the rainbow- even look for it." 2019, The Rainbow Behind You

Here is to more blogging years!

18 comments

  1. Aww this is so cool. I have wanted to print my blog post for years now but haven't taken the time. I need to one day soon. XOXO

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    1. You should print it! It's worth doing! Within another few years I'll have to reprint XD

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  2. it's knda amusing, someone seeing what they wrote long ago and what they blog now, and the posts showing the different parts of peoples lives. My blog started up in 2014 , a lot of childish short writings. Througout the years It became a poetry blog where I posted dark and suicide/death/SH related poetry, and now I don't really post much any more but there is hope in what I post.

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    1. Isn't it neat? It's really something else! Yes, that's so cool Evan. I am glad there is more hope!

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  3. Wow, being able to see all your blog posts printed out in a binder sounds amazing! This is a really sweet post.

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    1. Thank you Ash! It's been a great thing. Thanks for reading.

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  4. I think this is the best reason for creating a blog--you have something you can look back on for years to come, especially if your blog is lifestyle based to some extent! I started my blog back during the start of my senior year of high school, and it's crazy to look back at where I was and what I was doing then. It's so cool that you've now got it all on print! That's such a lovely idea :)

    twinklexthoughts.blogspot.com

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    1. I couldn't agree more Macey! I love that you can connect with what I am sharing.

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  5. This is the coolest!! I want to do this someday too . . . except my blog is less personal life based, and more book reviews and "how to" kinda things, so we'll see haha.

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    1. It'll still be awesome to print all those posts! If you feel inspired, do it! <3

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  6. This is such a cool idea! Loved the snippets.

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  7. ahhhhh! this is so precious!
    I totally feel all the feels when I go back and read my own posts from ages ago.
    I absolutely love the idea of printing out all your posts so you can hold them in your own hands.
    loved this. <3

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    1. Thanks for reading Ashley! THE FEELS are REAL. I'm still flipping through pages!

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  8. This is amazing! And oh so lovely. I'm proud of you girly. <3

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  9. It's crazy to see how much your blog/writing has grown and I can see similarities in the way that my writing has also gone from being about what has happened to how I think and feel about those things. Excited to see more of all that you do! ♡

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    1. Thank you for always being a wonderful support! It is a wild thing to see our blogs grow!

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