A year after.

Monday, April 29, 2019

I wanted you to see me just so you'd see how far I'd come.



You were wearing khaki shorts, a black tee shirt, and sunglasses that'd I watched you put on as you walked by.

Those tinted lenses couldn't ever taint the feeling I get when you look my way.

I felt the look.

Depression's Strangling Arms

Sunday, April 21, 2019

Arms are placed tightly around my core, strangling me.
Oxygen is leaving my lungs with every scream and kick
I look like I am having a seizure in the arms around me.
Fatigue is peaking out from behind a street light glowing. 

His grubby hands toss me up and over
for a second my body is weightl--
my stomach crashes onto the rock of his shoulder.
The air I held in escapes me and Hope is taken with my breath.

One more kick.
Mud stained and oil traced pink Bangs kick into the core of the problem

A hand takes a fistful of my hair and pulls my neck back
Millions of needles are pierced into my skin.
The bee sting like feeling makes me yell out 

"FIRE-"

There is a fire burning in me as I try to stay hopeful.
I'm fighting to stay in situations that didn't make me 
uneasy before

My lungs are letting out screams and I'm sucking in large inhales that burn on the way in
Traces of oxygen keep the fire burning in me
Until I am out of Depression's strangling arms,
I'll keep fighting the hardest fight with the most Hope for living.


THE RELIEF

Monday, April 8, 2019

Yesterday, I could feel a knot in my chest. I could feel a weight pulling my heart down and a sirene making its way to the cavity of my lungs. Today, the ambulance has made it to my mind and has begun smoothing the anxiety, overwhelming thoughts, stress, hurt, and brokenness of my mind.
-march 9th

Death Drowned Her

Friday, April 5, 2019


Here’s the thing.

Living they say is precious and you should want to live it.

I think half of that’s bullshit.

Your soul is precious. This is just the world it lives on for now.

When one dies, does their soul die too? I’d like to think it doesn’t. That you move on to another place more lovely.
If beauty is waiting for you when you move on from this world, what is keeping you here?

Someone I knew was murdered.

This world made her soul happy. She danced everywhere and looked into the lens of the camera with genuine love.

Her life was taken from her.

She didn’t ask to leave this world. Someone chose that fate for her. They took her life.

Her soul no one could ever touch but her time in this world was stripped from her hands.

I can’t imagine the fear she held inside her as it happened. She must have been terrified.

How’s it feel to know someone wants you dead. What’s it like to run from death? What’s it like to try to hold on for life but be drowned? No one but her will know. No one will understand.

She must have wanted to live. She kept fighting so that she could dance, love those around her, learn, and grow.

If death is not staring you in the face, why would you chase after it?

Stay for those around you.

Shine your light upon those who need it.

Love the people who would be broken if you weren’t here.

Don’t dance with death if death doesn't dance with you first.

////

She is a reminder that life is fragile and it can be short
That we must live to love every day, even if it's not the life itself but the details

This is why I shouldn't touch my phone in class.
It emotes emotions I need to shove aside in class.

Murder


Lost she was. A soul dancing to heaven instead of on the dance floor in front of 
those who loved her.

I will always remember. 


in loving memory of Haruka Weiser
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