PHONE CALL DISCONNECT {DEEPER WORDS}

Thursday, February 7, 2019

21:16

The phone line was dead for 47 seconds after we had shared how our days were. It left me with wonder. 47 seconds to imagine about where you had gone, what you had been contemplating, and what you were obtaining instead of talking to me. I remained in the silence of the connected unconnected call. "Hello? Are you there?"  I kept saying those words hearing emptiness in reply. Every second that went by passed like they do when I stand outside in numbing temperatures anticipating the bus. I wondered if you'd drop the call altogether or stay on the line to pick up eventually.  

Staying on the call wasn't easy. There were so many times where I thought I would be better off if I gave up and disconnected the last bits of connection we had. It would have had been easier to stop wondering when you'd pick up and start new with someone else. However, I couldn't tolerate the thought of putting the energy in for another call that could misconnect when I could merely try a little longer to keep the connection we had going. 

I lost some and won some by staying on the line that night. I lost more hope with every second father from the one we were last talking at. I lost sanity with every "Hello, are you there?" I lost little bits of myself while I thought about you. 

I too obtained something within myself. I won a new creative spark- one that was allured by the darkness within the night I waited for what felt like minutes. I increased knowledge about how to handle the situation and I attained back the connection that we once lost when I heard, "Thank you, for staying on the line that long, I'm glad you did."

That made waiting okay becuase I fucking missed you.

10 comments

  1. this speaks to me on another level. sometimes it's like my life is a phone call and I'm waiting for someone, something on the other side to speak up.

    thank you for this. <3

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    1. Oh my goodness. You 100% feel me on this. This is what I am talking about. <3

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  2. This hit me hard. Especially that last line.

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  3. There's so much vivid imagery here that I felt like I was the one on the phone. Such good writing, hope everything goes okay! ♡

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  4. Beautifully written, you painted a real picture of so many deep emotions here xx

    twinklexthoughts.blogspot.com

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    1. Lot's of them I have been having! Thank you for reading.

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  5. Just catching up on reading your blog! I have missed your heartfelt words. xx

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