SOME THOUGHTS

Thursday, November 29, 2018


Hello friend. Pick a topic and let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading this somewhat ranty post.

PEOPLE WHO VANISH
I've known a fair amount of people who have been important in my life then walk right out of it with no explanation or goodbye and I am always left with so many questions about why.

These people were as significant to me as they could be and we had developed the kind of relationship that doesn't let you question whether if they'll stick around because there's no question that they will be around-- that is until they aren't. I wonder about these souls. Where they have gone? What happened? Why they left without saying goodbye?

I wonder if they couldn't say goodbye because it was too uncomfortable or maybe it was because I didn't mean as much as I thought I did to them. It's a giant circle of questions that spins in my head when it comes to these people. I miss the feelings they gave me when I was around them. I am heartbroken they left but part of me knows that it's just faith. Bright stars have to fade to let others shine, sometimes.

I still have so many questions for these people. If I were to talk to them again I'd ask all the questions I'd been asking myself.

AM I SELFISH// LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS 
The other day I asked myself why I haven't been in a serious relationship. A few reasons why but it ultimately came down to the fact I am selfish. I enjoy spending time on my own, I love my independence, space, being creative and being myself when no one's around. I am 100 percent me when it's just myself and I.

To care for another human takes effort. It takes commitment, will, responsibility. I can barely hang in there when it comes to friends. How am I supposed to let another human into my life? Let them love me and care for me. I can love and care for myself! (wow independence wow) I have school and I have limited time. 

Don't get me wrong I would love to grow a connection with someone and get married. The pressure to do that is everywhere all the time but now isn't the time. Even though my mother loves to joke about setting me up with one of her friend's sons, or the guy at church, I don't think she seriously wants that for me in my life right now. 

And I don't actually want that right now either. So why'd I start talking to someone I met recently who I know things aren't going to work out with? I don't know. Part of me needs to branch out to remind myself of all the reasons I can't start a relationship with someone. Part of me just wants a hug? Sure. 

It's a messy and complicated thing but I am a mess and I like myself so I am gonna love myself by being with myself. I'm dating myself. Can't hurt me that way, you wishful thinking vanishing souls.

SILVER LINING + ANXIETY 
There are so many negative experiences in life that you have to see the silver lining in them. Anxiety, for the longest time, has been the hardest thing for me to see the silver lining in. It's the thing that holds me back from doing what I want to do and it's the feeling that makes me want to hide. It limits me. It makes me feel like a whole different person and it's hard to see good in someone I am not comfortable being.

But, the other day on my ride back from class post-midterm week I saw the good anxiety had done for me. Anxiety had made me a responsible student/ It allowed me to stick to a schedule, study the things I was anxious about, and practice the presentations I biting my nails about. All the anxiety forced me to be a little more focused and study a little harder. The outcome of that was one I hadn't realized would happen until I took some tests, taught in front of the class, and wrote some essays. 

The good in anxiety was the focus and determination to not fail at the one thing I was in control of, school. And although I missed a few days because getting out of bed and into the world was hard I still managed to do alright. It's a little too early to say I succeeded in the term but I already feel like I won one battle. The one that's always in my head. 

So even though anxiety is a pain in the ass I guess I won't mind a little nudging me to get assignments and homework done now that I can see some advantage to it. 

ICE CREAM
It's never not in the freezer of my household. RIght now we have a lovely blend of rocky road that doesn't do badly as a hot cocoa topping. I just love ice cream. Now, no one is going to get fat off eating their favorite treat once in a while, so I say do it. Treat yourself.

Icecream is my comfort food. I'll admit that!! The people who leave out of nowhere, the anxiety, and my love relationship ship for relationships are all thought about while eating ice cream. 

Did you enjoy this post format?
What are your thoughts on these topics?
What's your guilty pleasure food?

20 comments

  1. hey! this was a good thought-provoking post! i am too tired to actually form a coherent response though HAHA. but i have a question if you don't mind talking about it - what religion do you claim to be a part of??? just curious because of another post you wrote & some thoughts from this one. if you don't want to answer, that's okay!! i just wanted to know. :) thank you.

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    1. Hey Cally! I'm glad you enjoyed this post! It was a style that I didn't expect I was going to do. I'm Catholic! But Catholic, Christian, Mormon, or anything other religion out there I jjust think it comes down to believing in God. <3

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  2. I relate too much to the People who vanish one, just this year I suddenly lost a close friend without warning or explanation. It really messed me up, and I still haven't bounced back fully.
    She was the only friend that really understood my depression, I could be real with her without being worried about scaring her off. We went through a lot of stuff together and became really close.
    This summer she moved to LA without warning, and although we messaged back and forth we quickly lost contact. It hurt a lot.

    Anyways, amazing post. <3

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    1. Thanks for sharing that with me <3 it's always helpful to know you aren't the only one going through these things. Praying for you girl. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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  3. these are all such deep topics. Ive struggled a lot with the idea of vanishing people. but not so much as people who left without a trace, but those who left because they decided they could no longer love me. people I grew up with and assumed they would always be there. people I fell in love with who decided I was too complicated. so many people leave. and its painful, but its necessary.

    thank you for sharing your thoughts on these

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    1. Was in a mood when I wrote that post. It's crazy when you go your whole life knowing they'll be around then they just run. I understand what you're saying. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. <3

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  4. I love that you found a way of looking at anxiety in a positive light. I've struggled with that lately.

    I'm always up for ice cream XD

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    1. Thank you! As of recently I've seen it like that. I hope it inspires you. Let's get some ice cream.

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  5. I know what you mean about relationships. I've never been in one, and I know one of the reasons is that I'm selfish with my alone time. Sometimes I think it might be a nice idea to eventually get married, but after thinking about having to closely live with someone else for the rest of my life, I'm convinced that's not for me. I recently finished college, and attending college was originally my main excuse for not being in a relationship. Looking back though, I truly didn't have time for a relationship along with school and work, especially since being in a relationship would be very new to me. Now I no longer have that excuse, and while I'm still unsure, it might be good for me to learn new things. I don't know. We'll see. But I would definitely recommend finishing school first unless you're are fabulous at time management (I'm not). XD

    I have never thought about anxiety having a silver lining, but you're right. I like how you look at it.

    I enjoyed this post. :) Good luck on this semester!

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    1. I say if the right person comes along it won't be as daunting as it sounds. I agree though, while in school it's better not to have many distractions. I'm finishing up school right now and I need that time. Thanks for sharing these things with me. <3 anxiety like any other thing can have silver lining as I've recently learned. Thank you for commenting.

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  6. I relate a lot to vanishing friends. It’s rough, even if you do stay in contact with them. We just have to appreciate our friendships while we have them, I guess.......

    And HECK YES to ice cream! Our family just got restocked on ice cream, and I am PUMPED!

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    1. That's right. I can't think about them not staying around while those people are still in my life. YES! what kind is there? Thanks for commenting Nicole.

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  7. Loved this post format! :) It was cool to read your thoughts on different topics. I can definitely relate to the part about people who vanish. I've had several close friends essentially poof out of my life, which is hard, but it's usually more about them, when people disappear. Favorite guilty pleasure ice cream flavor right now is mint chocolate chip, though I've been craving something peppermint for Christmas. :)

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    1. Thank you! I really liked the way it tueene out. It's kind of what you were talking about on Project 25 about the secret people don't tell you. That friends will leave. Ohhhh yes. I've been enjoying peppermint cocoa so I can relate to the peppermint. Thanks for commenting Erin.

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  8. This post was really interesting but as well we know the mostttt interesting part WAS THE ICE CREAM I HAVE BEEN ICE CREAMED DEPRIVED LATELY AND IT'S NOT GOOD HELP ME.

    Nabila | Hot Town Cool Girl

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    1. NABILA! Let me send you some ice cream. Oh you sound like you are in desperate need. I think a blend of snow and vanilla glitter with sugar cookie bits sounds like what you need.

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  9. Yes, I enjoyed this post. Sometimes it's really healing to just write about different topics and wonder why without having the answers. The first one is a hard one - I've experienced it too, and also had the same people come back in my life and be even closer. Sometimes these things aren't forever. That's so good you've been able to find the silver lining in anxiety, as hard as it is. And yes, the more ice cream the merrier. :) Thanks for the post, V. It was thought provoking. xx

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    1. I felt so much better once I put these things out into the world. These human experiences were never meant to be easy. I am happy that you are closer with those people. I can only think about how different the relationship with the people who did that to me would be. I don't think it'd workout so well. Thank you for reading.

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  10. Ummm this post is too good! I think that when people vanish sometimes we don't even notice it's happening until they're gone or we are way too aware that it's happening. I always assume that things just have to work themselves out and then . . cope with ice cream. ♡♡♡ (P.S. that line about dating yourself was a little TOO REAL lol)

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    1. AH THANK YOU!! <3 YES, we realize after and then are so aware of how much they meant to us. You always realize after the fact haha Things happen for a reason (: Hah, my life motto right there. Thanks for commenting!

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