I TOO AM WAITING {personal words}

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

do you see the quiet that lives in my soul
the part that is afraid to tell you i'm not okay
because i don't want to see you try to fix something
that can't be fixed by you

i'm sure you've noticed a shift in my eyes
they wander searching for significance
the kind no one has but God himself
but even when He is standing in front of me
i can't admit i need the help

i've watched the trees lose their leaves
they tremble all winter long waiting 
for the day they are strong enough to
grow what they once lost back

like the trees, i too am waiting

i am waiting for the day
when i am strong enough to grow again
the day when my spirit blooms like the flowers
and the colors inside of me don't only shine
on the inside but radiate on the outside too

until then i tell myself that it'll get better
that people can support but never fix
that i must be the one to self-sooth my quietness
to listen to the thoughts walking in my head
and to keep waiting for the season

you, my dear, can keep walking by my side
as i hold on
while God keeps watch

and i tell myself to be patient through the quiet 

NOTE: I really want my morning to be longer. When I get in a good writing mood and find a home within the words it's so hard to tear myself away and get on with my daily responsibilities. Today, classes. I feel very disconnected from the blogging world. It's been a while since I've had time to read everyone's blogs. Comment and I'll make sure to catch up with you! Miss you all. and as always thank you for your love and support on my blog.


Thursday, November 8, 2018

I've been finding myself saying there is something to be thankful for every day and even if I haven't found it yet something will come along. This week has been a gem but not just any type of gem. The one that's hard to find but once it's found is everything you could have hoped for and more. 

Monday was alright, I got out of bed walked myself over to the shuttle and went to class. I took an anatomy midterm that day that I had been preparing for all weekend. After I took that test I had a gut feeling that I didn't do all well as I hoped. On Tuesday, I could barely get out of bed. The weather was cold, I didn't want to deal with the people, and what not. 

On Wednesday, I didn't want to go to class. I almost didn't go but am I sure glad I did. I got out of bed that morning to go on a run (something I enjoy) and hope that after doing so I'd feel okay and more inspired to go to class. Running that morning was a game changer. The cold air was pleasant first thing in the morning, and my body was waking up. At the end of that run, I got ready for class and headed out the door. 

In anatomy, I got a horrid nerve-wracking speech from the professor that people either passed or failed this test. There were not very people in between. OH GREAT. I sat in that class thinking I had failed the test. My grade is on the line. I couldn't believe it, that I might have failed. I was sad. But then my test got handed to me at the end of class. "Good job," the professor said. I ignored that until I realized that was my comment! I had passed!! And did better than expected! I couldn't believe it. I was so thrilled and proud of myself. I wouldn't have felt this happy if I didn't get out of bed. 

And then today, Thursday, came around, I keep trying. Stayed in bed longer than I wanted to, rushed out the door and worried about a teach back I had to do the rest of the day. I had to teach five students how to do a side lunge today with the rest of the class watching me. I was nervous. I kept hearing this little voice from my most introverted self to stay home and skip the teach-back. I couldn't though. I wanted to try. I wanted to try so that I had the chance. 

Walking into the class with the tables pushed away making room for the others who would teach a skill made me feel uneasy. But I was glad to be there. And the more I sat down and saw everyone there I noticed that it wasn't as bad as I had made it up to be. That I didn't have much to worry about. When it was my turn to teach I put on my confident smile and began to teach. I felt like I was dipping my toe into what it will be like to teach people fitness and I loved it. It was fun and I think I did okay. 

But this week made me smile at myself. I kept trying and that couldn't have made me happier with myself. So this Thursday I am thankful for trying. Thankful for giving myself a chance. I'm also thankful for the time I've put in studying because it's paid off. Thankful for being me and thankful to have found a gem.

 I am proud of myself. 


Thursday, November 1, 2018

Thankfulness Thursday has become one of my favorite blogging traditions. Grace Anne from Totally Graced started this blogging tradition a few sweet years ago! Grace encouraged others to share what they are thankful for on Thursdays throughout the month of November.

I've enjoyed taking part in this because it gets me in the mood for Thanksgiving. These posts also give light to the holidays taking them away from the commercial aspect by instead focusing on something more simple and pure such as the people/things we have in our lives.

I invite you along with Grace and I to post at least once Thankfulness Thursday post! <3

A Few Words From Grace Anne on Thankfulness Thursday:
Gratitude is something that we all could be better about practicing year round, but we're all reminded of it a bit more around Thanksgiving. Three years ago, in 2015, I decided to put a particular emphasis on taking note of everything that I have to be thankful for by starting a Thankfulness Thursday series on my blog for the month of November. The posts were simple, just short lists of things that I was thankful for over the course of the week. Since then, Thankfulness Thursday has become an annual tradition, with bloggers from all over the world joining in each November. The posts vary from incredible stories of God's goodness to mere sentences, the kind that are all you can choke out when your brain is spinning in a thousand directions. At the core, however, they all share the same message- on the good days and the bad, the easy and the hard, there is always something to be grateful for. 

I'm Thankful For:
An Understanding Of Wellness- I have come to the realization that there are plenty of people that don't have the privilege to understand wellness because they lack the resources or were never taught about it. I am thankful that to be learning about health and fitness and that I am able to apply it to my life. I think that without the spark of interest in a healthy lifestyle I wouldn't be where I am now. It's a crazy thought to think that I could have never been taught about something that's so important in my lives and the lives of others. I want to share my passion for health and fitness with others to better their lives! If you're interested in Wellness check out my Wellness blog here.

My Sister- She's the one person that is there for me no matter what. I am blessed to have a good relationship with my one and only sibling. She's hands down my favorite person and I need to tell her that more often.

November- I'm so glad that it's November. I don't know how we go there so quickly but we did and that's something to be glad about. Things are looking up for the rest of the year. The rain, freezing cold weather, Thanksgiving, sweets, and being cozy are all things I am looking forward too.
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