Monday, October 29, 2018

The queen of pizza, books, and all things INFJ contacted me about doing another collab together and I couldn't have been happier to say yes. MacKenzie blogs at Paper Pizza. Please take a look at her blog if you haven't because Paper Pizza is blog goals and everyone needs some of Kenzie's spirit in their life. She's the most wonderful human!

We decided to drive deeper into the mind of the INFJ Q&A style. Now here's the best thing about this post. It relates to everyone. I'm a human and you are too. Take away the INFJ and Kenzie and I are just talking about our feelings and life. So tune in for a relatable and down to earth chat.

How We Look At The World

Vanessa: As one big challenge. Are we talking about the world and all it’s people or the world and beautiful sights it has to offer? I think that the world is a place where you’ll find a little bit of everything. Good, bad and ugly and you can try to hide from all the ugly (I am guilty of trying to do this) but you won’t see the beautiful unless you step out of your door. I’m always telling myself it’ll be a challenge to get out there and be myself but it’ll be worth it because I’ll grow. I enjoy my home and the internet, okay?

Kenzie: I like to look at it from the outside as if I’m peeking into a snowglobe. For someone who has always had a lingering fear of the world, I do see it a deep and beautiful perspective. The world itself and the people in it inspires me... It’s like listening to a song that makes you feel like your heart is about to burst. It can be sad but also wonderful in so many ways.

Meeting An INFJ

Vanessa: I think one of the biggest misconceptions about INFJs is that we are shy and that’s all. Shy: doesn’t have a lot to say, won’t open up. That’s only entirely true... We are quiet at first until we find comfy grounding. Once we find we are comfortable with someone we will open up and share all of our deepest secrets with you. But note this is only if we find you trustworthy and for me that doesn’t happen to be a lot of people.

Otherwise, you’ll probably be a cared about acquaintance to us. We’ll listen to whatever you have going on in your life and you’ll learn little things about us. INFJs make great listeners since we care so much about everyone.

Kenzie: When you first approach an INFJ, the first thing you will realize is that we are very quiet. I honestly feel so downgraded when people call me “shy” because I’m really not! I’m constantly thinking which means sometimes I might forget to speak... INFJs notice things others may not. We take notes and listen. We are the listeners. And sometimes we might feel more comfortable around certain people over others. We are definitely more talkative and open to people we are close to over people we just met. It takes time to get under our shell but once you do, it is so worth it. ;)

Our Feelings

Vanessa: WHERE DO I EVEN START? Feelings are a hard thing for me to deal with and explain. Complex intense feelings is the best way I can explain them. When I feel something I feel it intensely. Happy is much more than happy it’s joyful, content, radiant, full of life, adventurous, and other things all in one. The same thing applies to darker feelings, making those times a real ride.

Kenzie: VANESSA KNOWS WHAT’S UP. INFJs are very intuitive and sometimes we may feel something so intensely and not know why, exactly. Trying to understand my feelings is like putting a very, very complicated puzzle together. We love being understood, so when someone can actually “get” what we are feeling, it’s the best comfort feeling ever.

Why Our Brains Are Always Talking

Vanessa: Because our mouths can barely do it so our minds must take the stage instead?

Kenzie: BWHAHAHA. Vanessa pretty much just summed us up. If we’re very silent, it’s most likely that our brains are having an intense party filled with every little thought you could possibly think of in such a short span of time. We think A LOT. We’re in our heads probably 100.5% of the time, either daydreaming about the future or thinking of all the different ways we could have done THE THING. The downside of being in our heads all the time is that we end up in a spiral of thoughts, leading to none other than the imperial doom of #overthinking.

Vanessa: YES! Couldn’t have summed thatup better!

How We Deal With Decisions That Result In Change

Vanessa: Let me talk about decisions INFJs make that involve others. We are very sensitive towards others which means when it comes to making a decision we tend to think about EVERYONE'S feelings. We truly want everyone to be happy so making those choices can be a back and forth battle between what will make others happy and what you think is right in the situation. We care too much for our own good and sometimes don’t realize we can’t make everyone happy.

Kenzie: I really like your take on this question, Vanessa. Initially, I was going to answer this by going on about how I fear change so my decisions are usually based on that fear lingering in the back of my mind... But I love how you said that our decisions are usually based on what will make others happy and that is so true. We typically look at how the decision will benefit the overall group of people rather than just ourselves. We care so deeply for others and I think it’s because we carry so much empathy with us. Many INFJs reflect the emotions of others- especially me. If someone is sad, I start to reflect those feelings due to my ability to feel for them. Thus, I feel like unintentionally strive to make others happy so we can be happy. (Notice how I totally went off topic from that question?)

Things We Wish We Were Better At

Vanessa: Dealing with emotions, talking to people, stepping outside of my house with confidence (kind of kidding… not really.) For real, a goal of mine has been trying to do things without thinking too much about them. Maybe that’s an anxious mind thing but I struggle with doing things without overthinking them.

Kenzie: This may not be because I’m an INFJ but I wish I was better at accepting the things I cannot control. I beat myself up when I think, “Maybe I could have done THIS to prevent THAT from happening.”
Another thing I wish I was better at would be maintaining my emotions and not letting others control the way I feel. If someone looks at me the wrong way, I end up thinking about it for the rest of the day. It’s just how I am.  

How We Perceive Relationships & Love

Vanessa: I’m looking for “The One.” and if you aren’t it I’m moving on!! It’s as simple as that. As soon as I see a red flag or something that doesn’t match up to what I am looking for I might as well break loose and move on. To me, there’s no point in sticking around if I don’t like how things are turning out. Honestly, I just want a fairy tale romance which is why I think I am going to stick to loving the characters in books. Kenzie are you with me?

Kenzie: I am totally with you, Vanessa. I’m a hopeless romantic so if my love story isn’t an actual love story then... *shrugging girl emoji* But while we are on the topic of love and relationships, I have to add that I’m the type of person who believes in being friends first. I feel like I have to know the person before pursuing them in any way. Another thing I look for in someone is how they perceive the world. I want someone who looks at the world the way I do. I need our souls to feel connected. Having someone who understands me (because, let’s face it, I’m extremely complicated) would be an a+ for me.

How We Take Care Of Ourselves

Vanessa: Life is a lot for anyone! There’s so much to handle and every little move takes thought and effort. Taking care of myself is about doing what makes me happy. That’s taking days before I get overwhelmed, pre-planning my commute, waking up early and enjoying my morning. Slowing down helps. I also have a made a habit of not doing anything school/work related after 8pm. My mind does not work at night! Ice cream and some journaling is a favorite when it comes to self-care. No one said taking care of ourselves was going to be easy. (:

Kenzie: Sometimes I’ll bury emotions inside me until one day I just snap. And that’s not good... So there are some things that I will do to take care of myself so that doesn’t happen. When I’m feeling anxious or overwhelmed, I usually try to take a step back and turn away from everything for a little bit. Sometimes if I’ve been out in a social environment for too long, I’ll feel a little temperamental so that’s when I basically put myself to bed. I’ll give myself some alone time (something INFJs really value) and I’ll do something I enjoy doing such as reading a cute, fluffy read or the webcomic I’m currently obsessed with. Doing those little things such as having a cup of tea, getting a little more sleep, or relaxing really does help. For me, it’s all about the little things. We are like plants. We still need our sunshine and water, even when we think we’ve had enough of it.


Sunday, October 7, 2018

I am feeling discouraged. I look into the mirror trying to see the beauty rather than the things that make me frown. I remind myself that my body is only what carries me and that my personality is what people love when I pass by a mirror. I remind myself that I am enough and that I a child of God and God doesn't take into account how we look. That these blemishes on my face aren't permanent. That I am smart, I am beautiful and I am enough. I am.

And although my appearance has me flustered that isn't the obstacle.

What has me down isn't so much about the way my body looks but rather the way I feel. I feel heavy, sluggish, slow, and bloated. I've felt like that more than ever in the past few weeks and I am not helping myself by eating foods that are raising my blood pressure, spiking my sugar levels, and leaving my face with acne. Those foods are not only affecting me physically but mentally too.

The mind works better when you feed it wholesome foods but every time I eat one oreo I say whatever and indulge in five more. My brain is foggy, slow, and doesn't have a long attention span. I am fixated in shaming myself for the bad foods I've eaten and punish myself more by eating an extra amount.

Exercise is something I don't do often. I am ashamed to do it because every time I do I am reminded that I am not as strong as I was in Spring. That my health has diminished. My left wrist has trouble bearing weight and my left hip is sore. I feel unable.

What does it matter what the number says on the scale if I don't feel healthy? What does it matter if I can do 43 push-ups without stopping if the only thing I can think about is my wrist hurts. What's it matter if I eat one good meal only to think about the unhealthy one I shouldn't have eaten. My mindset isn't where it use to be.

I feel like shit. I want to feel better more than anything. I want to feel healthy again because I miss that feeling. I want to feel cleansed because this feeling I can't take anymore. I want to be able to nod when people say you're so healthy than rolling my eyes because they don't really know my truth.

And forget starting the next day. "Tomorrow I am going to drink more water, eat better foods, and exercise," that is what someone who isn't serious is going to say. I am going to start right now. When the realization came into mind that I am going to change. My mind is no longer in a stage of pre-contemplation or contemplation. I am ready to take action. And I am going to do that now.

I am going to exercise today because it makes me feel strong and I am going to chop some carrots up today for a movie time snack so that I won't be eating the ice cream I indulge my feelings with at night. I am going to start fixating on the good things I did for my body rather than the bad.

The outcome is feeling healthy, being happier about my lifestyle, feeling less sluggish, looking brighter, and feeling like I can tackle anything. It'll work out with a little effort. It will and I will feel better.

This piece has sat in my drafts for a while now but I think it's something that will help others to read so I am posting it as inspiration, encouragement, as something one might be able to relate to. As support. As a reminder that we don't have to be perfect. We just have to try. 

On a completely different note! There is a post on my health and fitness blog about oatmeal. If you haven't taken a look at that blog I encourage it!! Maybe subscribe via email and make my day! Blueberry muffins to all of you that subscribe via email! *gives muffins out*
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