Wednesday, January 24, 2018

LOWS AND HIGHS

Maybe I'm finally getting out of the hole I was in? Maybe I am starting to feel better? Maybe the good mood that I have been in recently isn't a good thing? Maybe I am worrying too much?

It occurred to me the other day that I am feeling a lot better than I have in the last few monthsI am more confident, a little more friendly, and a whole lot more positive. I am doing the things that I enjoy doing more often and I'm not allowing myself to stress out when it comes to daily tasks. My faith in God is helping me be in a place I want to be. But I can't help but wonder if maybe I am feeling a little too good...

The last few months were rough. I didn't talk a lot, go out of my house too often, see friends, or do many of the things I enjoy. I had little motivation and inspiration. And I felt extremely anxious in public situations. September - December. When I think about why I was like this I think of it having to be related to a new school year. School can add stress to my life. I also think that maybe the gloomy days came from everything mental related that happened in summer.

It felt like I had symptoms of depression and anxiety. That is the easiest way to describe what I was feeling. I felt low, I felt nervous for no reason, I didn't feel optimistic, and I didn't know what to do.

It's not the first time I have gone through a phase like this. Ever since freshman year of high school, I have been going in and out of phases where I feel "down" for a couple of months, then I feel "up" for a couple of months. I've always wondered if it's normal to feel like this and if other people go through what I feel.

It's a something that is hard to open up to people about and even harder to do when I am in a down phase. It's also something that I feel like I need to explain in depth in order for people to take it seriously or understand that it's not what it sounds like. I'm afraid of being labeled as someone I am not. I also fear that people will think of me differently when I tell them things like this. Telling people something that makes me feel vulnerable makes me uneasy but I know this is a safe space where I can talk about these feelings.

Now, that I am starting to feel slightly better I worry that I will start to feel too good. This might be a worry that seems silly but worries are worries. I know at some point I will feel a lot better and at some point, I will fall back into a "low." I wish I could stay at one level but maybe the purpose of being "low" is so that when I feel "high" I can enjoy every moment of it more.

I'm trying to just live in the moment and not think too far ahead or back. Being aware of my mental state is good for my health. Taking time to reflect like this will do wonders for me. Although what I go through is challenging for me its brought me some amazing things. Without the challenges I have faced I don't think I'd be nearly as interested in mental health and self-love as I am now. I believe it's important to share these kinds of things because I could help someone else be more at ease with their struggles when they hear my story. I never want my blog to be only a place where you only see the good because that isn't at all real.

26 comments:

  1. this is so good. so good.
    the way you are processing through your emotions and mental health is so beautiful. i love how vulnerable and authentic you are. thanks so much for sharing. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for reading this. I was a little hesitant but when I saw the first comment roll in I felt a lot better about putting it out there. <3 I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.

      Delete
  2. I relate, my life has been a series of these highs and lows and some lows are worse then others. Learing to deal with them is tough, but I find God always helps me get through them.

    Your brave for sharing your struggles, glad to know your working through them. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You couldn't have said that any better. I also think you have to help yourself in these situations you can't just wait for things to get better. Thank you for your words (:

      Delete
  3. I feel! Sometimes it feels like things are going too well--but make sure to enjoy the good times while they last :) They're a gift from God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly!! It's an odd feeling. Like it shouldn't be one but it is. I'm enjoying it. Thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  4. I can not explain how much I relate to this. I always get so caught in extremes. my highs are very high and my lows are rock bottom. and since Im trying to level out, I fear the higher highs because I know they wont last. but thats okay, because you cant be happy forever. its okay to have lows.

    thank you for being vulnerable with us. you're doing a great job and I think your self reflection and self awareness is good.

    hang in there love <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You get it. This is why I'm glad to have posted this because it helps others but it also helps me understand I'm not alone in this. I'm wishing you the best with your journey through the all this. Thanks for the support!

      Delete
  5. Hey Vanessa!
    Thanks for your comment on my blog! Its been great to catch up on all your lovely posts! I hope you're having a great new year! <3
    Love, Clara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so welcome!! I hope you write a post sometime I'd love to know how've you been. <3

      Delete
  6. Hannah Deno

    Girl I relate to this hard. I used to be a huge optimist, but in the past couple years I have become more of a realist. I'm in a good place now, but I'm in constant anticipation that something could go wrong. I do think school and stress can trigger this, but it's something we'll have to struggle through the rest of our lives. We're not alone though! Being open and vulnerable about it is a good thing, and I hope you are able to enjoy the good in life even if you feel anxious or stressed! I promise it'll get easier! It's something I'm working on too. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I accidentally deleted this comment but I'm so glad that it was emailed to me. I'm glad that you are in a good place at the moment. Thank you for the encouragement recently things have been looking up a bunch. Let's work on it together!

      Delete
  7. i hope you're feeling better now. and i can relate so much it's like you're describing what i'm going through every month. i feel so low sometimes and that's when all my worries and insecurities are magnified the most.

    http://bysheene.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It can be a really difficult thing to go through but hang in there! Being so low for a while can be rough because it feels like it goes on for forever but have hope.

      Delete
  8. Wow, you're definitely not alone in this. I had a similar time the last few months of last year - I think it was a combination of stress about study and not spending quality time with God. So, thank you so much for being brave and sharing. I related a lot. I'm glad you're feeling good right now, and I hope it stays that way for you. Thanks again. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing your experience with me too! It really helps to here others have gone through something like this as well. <3

      Delete
  9. I feel you so much Vanessa! I've struggled on and off for for forever with depression and anxiety, and now I'm taking some supplements to help me deal with the symptoms. I'm also taking more time to get in the Word and seek God.
    Thank you for being so real with us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope that everything for you proceeds to get better! It's difficult sometimes but we can definitely get through it. Thanks for supporting and commenting. It really means a lot!

      Delete
  10. I understand this struggle. You're bracing yourself for the fall even when things just seem to good to be true, when everything is simple.

    As for the highs and lows, latterly I've been feeling that way between one day to another, and it's exhausting.

    Glad you're feeling better right now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really do need to try to live in the good moments given to me so I can make the most of it.

      It really is exhausting. I imagine it can be difficult when its day to day. I am praying for you! <3

      Delete
  11. It's actually so insane that you write this post, considering so much of it frankly echoes throughout my own head. One thing I've started to do is see the highs and lows as something inevitable, cyclical, and then try to make an adventure out of them. Thanks for stopping by and catching up, I know it's been a hot minute and the blogger/wordpress war keeps me busy! Much love for this and you. Stay strong chica.
    xx
    steph
    http://strictlystephanie.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so shook that so many others feel this way too. I mean I knew it was possible but I didn't know how much I would be able to connect with people. It's kind of insane! Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you!

      Delete
  12. Pardon me, but unhappiness is the default state of all mankind. We worry. We anticipate problems. We have the good sense or basic decency to regret our errors. So the happy times will always be exceptional. What we CAN do is support one another. We can reassure the fearful and forgive the faults we see. But that blissful happiness you dream about is just that, the stuff of dreams.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true. I appreciate these words you have to offer, they help a great deal.

      Delete
  13. Wow, I was literally thinking about this the past few days. About how I'm kinda going through a low in life, and putting it into words just made it all the more real. But you're right, maybe we go through the down times to get back to the top. I don't know. I'm still searching for all the answers too. :) Thanks for writing this post, V!

    (also I need to get back to you twitter ugh forgive me)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm glad you're feeling better! I've felt this way before, maybe not so significantly but I've had it happen to me before.

    ReplyDelete

Design by | SweetElectric