Monday, August 13, 2018

EVERYTHING IS CLICHE. The internet has left me questioning and second-guessing everything I have written. I worry things are too cliche when I've said them. Have those things been said already? It sounds like they have. My words sound familiar. Why does everything I say sound so unoriginal? I will second guess my wording and actions like no one has before when I get in my head about this. 

But here is the thing. A cliche isn't cliche because the words and actions are mine. 

I am what makes cliche original!

"And I know that sounds cliche." -something I say all the time. 

It's true though! You and I have different stories that lead us to the things we do, therefore, being very different individuals. Two people may love buying plants for their rooms but how they came about putting plants in their room could be drastically unique.

On the surface level, things may seem cliche but the details make a story that is peculiar to itself. Boy meets girl sounds cliche but add in the details about how they met, their names, and what their individual stories are that lead them to meet and it's no longer cliche.

Will this mini-rant end my brain from ringing cliche cliche cliche about everything? Probably not. But will it help me see myself as more original? I think so.

What are your thoughts about cliches?


Tuesday, August 7, 2018

THESE FLOWERS AND THIS SKY// I took these pictures on Thursday of last week. (August 2, 2018) After a long day of classes and work these two things cheered up my mood. Look at how well the pictures go together too! I am a little obsessed. YUP, just a little. That's all. (;

FRIENDLY SOUNDING VOICES// Is this a weird thing to notice? I was sitting in the library and someone started talking and of course you can clearly make out every word they are saying because we're at a library and they are one of the few people talking. BUT this voice sounded like music. A one of a kind smoothing voice that you just want to listen to because it's a good one. I don't even remember what was said.

ENCOURAGEMENT// "Just keep going and don't stop trying. You'll make it." This was what one of the ladies at my word said to me while she was checking out. Just the right amount of you got this to make me want to keep going.

LAUGHING AT MYSELF// There are just some things that I am capable of doing and thinking that make me laugh at myself and sometimes in public. There are times where I really get into a thought and start mumbling to myself what's funny is when people catch you doing that. Talk about an awkward situation but that I am laughing about after.

THE HEAT// Normally, this wouldn't be on the list but 90 degree summer days are making me very thankful for the days where the heat is minimal. The PNW isn't suppose to be this hot. (This is what we say every year, while we blame it on global warming) This heat will pass.

AIR CONDITIONING// We've come back to the library in this oh so random post to talk about how the air conditioning is the best here. I actually bring a sweater with me when I am at the library that's how well their air conditioning works. If only I had this level of air conditioning in my apartment.

Hoping you all are having a wonderful summer and
having a great week! Thank you for all your support!


Monday, July 30, 2018

I would wrap up the month with a post of the things I've been doing but in all honesty, this month has been a drag. I've been going to classes and working Monday- Thursday. That leaves three days to catch up on assignments, listen to lots of music, and do the things that make me feel better.

BLAZER EVENT MONITORING// OH THIS IS WORTH MENTIONING. This month I got to safety supervise professional dance auditions. I was working from 8am-5pm but it was so much fun getting to see how professional dance team auditions are run. Those dancers were marvelous. Was kind of hard not to jump up and start dancing with them but I still enjoyed that day so much!

WOW, THIS IS OFF TOPIC but the heat is real. It's been in the 90's all week I feel like I am always sleep deprived. I want winter to come back. I miss hoddie wearing weather. 
My journal entries say it the best, this month I've been stuck in my head. I've been dealing with constant anxiety and it's noticeable in lots of my journal entries. Just thought I'd be real and share what's been going through my head all month. Get it all out there.

"It's hard to come back from the movies my mind plays because it is often easier to live those out than worry and obsess over everything human."

"HE reminds me of a character in a teen rom-com. A hipster with the best intentions trying to get by in life. Ups and many downs. Still a smile on his face regardless he's such a kind soul. He's the kind of person I am thankful for- the kind that you run up and hug like you haven't seen each other in years when in actuality you saw them yesterday."

"It's a box that mindlessly spits out stories you wish you never heard. So yeah, when I was younger I knew the new's wasn't something I was supposed to watch and it still isn't something I think I should watch. What I want is a T.V. that plays the best of memories."

"I was freaking out because I had to turn in a timesheet. A TIMESHEET. This wasn't telling the key master I lost the key and the dragon flew away after I opened the gates because I distracted myself from the task at hand. This was simply doing my job."

"I love the people in my dreams. They only break my heart because they aren't real and those people can only live in my mind...When I am awake I see figures and scenes of what happened and what could have been added to the story."

"MONACHOPSIS- the subtle feeling of being out of place. LOL ME ALWAYS."

"We're at the river today just chilling under a tree waiting for the people who put out their BBQ to come and start cooking."

"Hating always worrying about what is to come. If I just get things out of the way now then I'll be fine for later but doing things NOW takes a lot of effort to get started. MY MIND."

lovelytheband- Broken, Emotion
bleachers- Rollercoaster
5sos- If Walls Could Talk
(thanking Kenzie for some of my new favorite songs!)
Imagine dragons- Dancing In The Dark
TORS- Might Never Happen, Wilder Days
Declan J Donovan- Numb
Young Mister- The Best Part
(some of these songs that you should really listen to are linked!! Check them out.)


Friday, July 27, 2018

There's a CD that plays constantly in my mind. It's the one about you. What I love so much about this CD is that I don't have to hit play consciously to be reminded of you- the songs simply start playing. Each song is about the memories we made and they always come on when I need something to preoccupy my mind to the better days.


Friday, July 20, 2018

When I grow older I want to have a life that is full because I lived life as much as I could when I was younger. Aging isn't something I typically think about even though sometimes I have some grandma traits. However, I've been taking sociology of aging online as part of my studies SOOO living in ones later years has been something I have been thinking about more actively.

Last week the assignment for the class was to talk to a friend or family member about what aging is like for them. I chose to ask my grandparents what the aging process is like for them. One of the last questions had to do with what someone younger could do to age well.

"Eat well, do not worry or stress about little things, and ENJOY YOUR LIFE," those are the words my grandma pressed on me. Such simple advice with great meaning when I broke down why those things would lead me to a better life in my later years.

If I live a great life now I will have a great life later. That was the simple conclusion I came to after having had thought about her words. Instead of dwelling on what I could have done when I was younger when I am in my older years I will be thinking about the happy times or better yet be learning new things. The most important thing to do in order to age well is LIVE. This moment in my thought process was like an "AH HA!" genius moment.

LIVE NOW SO YOU CAN LIVE LATER. How great is one's life going to be if they are always focused on the next step of their life? If one lives in the moments they are given their quality life will be better. (wow I'm sorry this sounds like things you've heard of before)  One should enjoy what they are doing right now. Today and at this moment.

Hypertension, high blood pressure triggered by stress, causes health complications and can lead to a shorter life. Don't stress, my kind soul. Easier said than done, I know, but don't worry more than you have to. I take some of the pressure off by telling myself that situations are more dramatically played out in my mind and that everything will be okay.  The less stress in your life the longer you will live and the more at ease you'll be! Mental health is important.

And eat well! Eating well is the little hints my grandma gives me to take care of my health. Along with living life to the fullest, one needs to physically take care of themselves. Eating right and exercising are important steps to living a wonderful life. Having physical balance as well as mental are critical factors for living well.

but remember. Live now so you can live later. and I'm not talking about the kind of living that is going through the motions and lifeless. I am talking about the kind of living that makes you look forward to each and every day. The kind that sends chills through your body and smiles on your face.

AND A REALLY FUN ANNOUNCEMENT. My lovely and inspirational friend Elissa who was blogging at Letters To Jayna is moving blogs!! She will now be blogging at Dancing in the Rain! I am so excited for this wonderful soul to be launching her new blog. Make sure to take a look at her blog! Let's all head over there and welcome her to her new blog with warm words! (She is also a big part of the reason I am posting this post!)


Saturday, July 14, 2018

HIDING FROM THE SUN// I like big clouds that threaten to spill rain and air that's that forms goosebumps on my skin. To me, that kind of weather is more exciting than rays that abuse your skin and sweat that lingers. SO, THIS SUMMER YOU'LL FIND ME DOING ACTIVITIES THAT WILL KEEP ME OUT OF THE SUN. I've will be playing danger zone. Shade- safe. Sun- not safe.

I work as a gym facility monitor at my college. The job entails making sure the people who come to lift are safe, helping them when they get hurt, cleaning machines, and occasionally helping monitor special events. I'm pretty psyched to have an excuse to sit in an air-conditioned gym. I had the chance to work a dance try out even for our local basketball teams dancers. It was such an inspirational experience to see so many dancers chasing after their dreams.

SUMMER TERM// I'm taking classes this summer because I need more to do than sitting around waiting for something new to happen. I am taking sociology of aging online which sounds like a super fun class besides the fact that it's online. And another Health and PE class. With the degree I am going into, exercise science, it requires that I take many wellness-related classes so that I may be prepared for the job I decide to go into.

SPENDING TIME WITH GRANDPA//My grandpa came to visit with his significate other. I spent a lot of time in his presence going to places that all visiting family must go to. Like the Willamette gorge and the Oregon Zoo two of the most touristy places in Oregon. It was great spending some time with him.  

WRITING//I have big writing plans for the summer! Nothing is outlined or set in stone but I am making progress in my journal and working on little mini projects for myself. I am going to be making more time for writing soon because school and work have been the priority for the last three weeks.

PRACTICING HANDSTANDS + FRONT WALKOVERS//This one is a little scary. Not the handstands but the front walkovers. I have been practicing these two skills because I want to learn things that typically 21-year-olds think it's too late to learn. I often times think of smaller kids being able to learn skills like that but a few months ago when I did a really ugly front walk over I realized that age doesn't need to stop me from gaining new skills like that.

PUTTING ALL BLOG POSTS INTO A WORD DOCUMENT// This project was a priority of mine. I wanted to put ALL blog posts from when I started blogging in 2013 to about April 2018 in a word document. It was a lot of copying and pasting, listening to music, coffee, and hand cramps. The project took me several tedious hours to complete. I now have 240 pages of words in a google doc that I want to print, hole punch, and put in a binder. I loved reading through the comments from posts past. I think that's what made this project a slow process.


Saturday, June 16, 2018

I get asked this question all the time! Family I haven't seen in a while and friends I have reconnected with are usually the culprits of this question. They all seem to want to know whats been going on in my life- which is great and all but the question, "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?" sends me into a mental panic. When I am faced with the challenge of answering this simple not so simple question I spend a lengthy few seconds drafting what the hell I am about to say. "I've been up to too much! LET ME EXPLAIN." In my case explaining everything is always a mess.

WHERE DOES ONE START? With a question with so many possible answers to chose from which response do you chose to tell? You could spill out your life story but that might put grandma* to sleep or simply say there's too much to tell and leave others wondering BUT if you are enthusiastic about what you've been doing recently you'll want to share all you can with others. However, sometimes others don't have the time or patience to listen to everything unless they really adore you! The trick to answering this question in a manner that keeps the curious engaged is what I am going to share with you today.
*that, however, might not be an awful thing, in that case, go for it.

START WITH BULLET POINTS// Fill your lungs with air before you answer the question straight off the bat. Start by answering this question in the simplest of forms without getting into details about every single item on your to share list.

Here is my example of what this sentence should sound like:
>> I've been going to school, finding time to work on my blog, working, practicing how to cook, running relays, and enjoying the other million of little hobbies I have.

SEE! What you do is start with what you find the least entertaining to talk about and end your sentence with the things you want to talk about. This is setting up the questioner to ask questions about the things you most recently said and also hooking them by not telling all the details. (It's always beneficial to make yourself a mystery)

PLUS- if you don't want to explain to AUNT SUE about everything you're doing you could just leave it at that and ask her about what she's making for dinner but it's amusing talking about yourself so I'll encourage sharing!

WAIT UNTIL THE QUESTIONER  ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT THOSE BULLET POINTS// Que the questioner to ask questions by not talking until they do. Chances are they'll ask you to go into detail about one of the things you mentioned. Silence makes others uncomfortable and there forward triggers the other to respond. By giving out bullet points you are allowing the listener to chose what they want to hear about. They will choose something that they have a curiosity about which shall kee them and you engaged. AND TADA YOU AREN'T BABBLING.

Here are my examples of questions I MIGHT get asked:
>> What kinds of things are you learning to cook?
>> Where are you working at?
>> OOO! What other hobbies are you talking about?

EXPLAIN THE BULLET POINTS THE QUESTIONER ASKED ABOUT IN AS MUCH DETAIL AS YOU DESIRE TO SHARE// AND JUST LIKE THAT YOU HAVE MADE A BIG DIRECTIONLESS QUESTION A SPECIFIC EASY TO ANSWER QUESTION. Now, it's your turn to go into details explaining the things you have been up to recently. The big scary question is now a simple easy to answer one all thanks to bullet points and the questioner's curiosity in your life!

Go into as much detail as you feel is right when answering their questions. Tell that person how excited you have been about the things you have been spending your time doing. (or how much you need to change your habits! Hopefully, that's not the case!)

Here is what my response might be:
>> OH! Let me tell you about cooking! I have been more aware of the things I have been eating ever since I starting cooking. I try to eat foods that are clean now which means I try to avoid processed foods that come in packaging with lots of ingredients. It's really made a difference in how I feel. So, I have been cooking lots of greens and cooking things with garbanzo beans in them. A favorite food of mine to make is quinoa with veggies. I also make lots of stir-fries with coconut oil in them.

WAIT FOR APPROVAL OR MORE QUESTIONS// Either the questioner will have a question about the thing you just explained having done or comment in response to make more conversation. Or they might want you to tell them about the next thing they are curious about! Either way, you have successfully answered the question without a sweat. Complicated made simple and your life is easier now! The questioner is satisfied and everyone can move on to talking about themselves or bothering your sibling about their life journeys.

If you haven't it would mean a great deal to me if you subscribed via email to my blog! The link is in the sidebar! 


Sunday, June 10, 2018

Extended periods of isolation make me more susceptible to depression

Since freshman year of high school, I have gone in and out of phases of depression and anxiety. I have a hunch those phases, that lasted roughly three to four months, were triggered by traumatic stressful events and being too isolated. As a high school student, I was mostly timid which resulted in being less involved in social settings. I believe that for this fact I was more susceptible to depression. 

Every three to four months throughout the last six years, I have switched back and forth from what I call a shitty mood to a fantastic mood. A shitty mood is where I feel lost, quiet, fuzzy, unable to think, sad, and numb. When I am in a shitty mood I don't want to get together with friends, do things I enjoy, exercise, eat right, or go to public places like the store. A fantastic mood is where I feel content, motivated, inspired, friendly, upbeat, and emotional. When I am in a fantastic mood I want to do the things I love, be around people I like, go exploring, spend time dancing and exercising, studying and living. Normally, I switch back and forth between these moods every three to four months.

At the moment I am in a FANTASTIC MOOD. I've been feeling fantastic for half a year now. That's two more happy months than my average period of happy. Six months is a huge deal to me. That is one of the longest times I have been in a fantastic mood in the last six years. 


Being honest about my emotions* and being social**. I believe these two things are hugely helping my mind stay in a content state.

*implies: I am more willing to talk about my mental health with people I trust and being able to tell them I don't feel emotionally well when the times come around.

** means: trying to be around people who make me feel alive. Getting involved in a community that is supportive at college. Spending time outside of classes with others and keeping in touch with long-distance friends. 

Little periods of healthy alone time are dainty until I start thinking too much of it 

Allowing myself one or two days of uninterrupted alone time in which I am actively hanging out with myself is what I consider healthy alone time. Waking up to make breakfast then writing at a coffee shop while doing some people watching and course going to workout later in the afternoon and getting cozied up in blankets later in the evening is what a typical day with myself looks like. This is my favorite way to spend time with myself. I take a couple days out of the month to do that. And every day I try to do smaller things with myself like thinking, listening to music, writing, and dancing.

However, becuase I understand alone time makes me more susceptible to depression and anxiety my mind quietly worries about alone time. Am I spending too much time alone? After spending the majority of my time around people I overthink spending more than a couple of days alone. These thoughts are what ruin time alone. After a few thoughts come to my mind I can't help but keep thinking.

Late nights and long afternoons are a devil when it comes to healthy alone time. I am the least healthy when I let my mind think too much. Here is to all the people who deal with crappy thoughts after a certain time in the day. When I start thinking about the future or start dwelling on past situations I create anxiety for myself. I find it's best to wrap up alone time when it gets darkly emotional. 

The more time I spend alone the less able I feel I will be to interact with others (I get in my head)

ISOLATION MAKES ME ANXIOUS. One of the most difficult struggles I face when I am depressed and anxious is that I find it more difficult to have simple conversations with people. It's as if my shitty mood person forgets how to interact with people becuase I spent months avoiding any and all human contact. For this reason being alone for too long makes me worry I will forget how to interact with humans which makes me think my shitty mood will come back. THIS THOUGHT CREATES ANXIETY. 

Nevertheless, as soon as I start talking to others I realize I am not "broken" and can still function normally. Health alone time will become a long period of isolation if I am not aware. I am hoping that everything with my mental health keeps running smoothly. I am, of course, keeping in mind that isolation, honesty and a little alone time is working for me.


Monday, June 4, 2018

she is like the clouds you see overhead
grey and white
threatening to spill rain

sadness is what the sunshine brings the sky
all the clouds she settles in- gone
herself, gone as well
for if she is like the clouds on a rainy day 
when the sky is clean and pale
she is gone along with them
her soul numb to her emotions when the sky is cloudless
like the atmosphere that shows nothing when it's blue

the sunshine allows no impassioned clouds
no sparkling whites and no mute greys
she can't feel anything on a sunshine day
she's paralyzed along with the sky

her problems as invisible as the clouds
her feelings as hollow as the blue
her thoughts as superficial as the beams
the sunshine burning away the weight she once embraced and accepted
pretending she has no problems

she's less herself when the sunshine is out than 
when the clouds are overhead pouring rain
because when the clouds are out she recognizes that she is as complex as the world.


Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Health and Fitness Instagram// My main account is becoming health and fitness account with awesome motivational and inspirational posts! The feed has taken me a while to build since it's a lot of work to take high-quality pictures and post them every day of the week with a thoughtful caption that one can learn from. BUT it's been a pleasure! The feed these days feels very me which is pleasing! 

May Sickness// The second week of May, I got sick with bronchitis! I didn't know I could get that but when one is under the stress of life and school you'll get what you weren't expecting. What was funny about this whole thing was that I had to get well naturally. I was allergic to the antibiotics so for a week I drank lots of water, zinc and vitamin C, rest, and watched movies. Thankfully, it was a speedy recovery! 

Kahlid Concert//My very first concert was checked off this month! I went to see Kahlid with my sister and her friends. I was lucky and met up with some of my friends too! The concert was so much fun! Nothing to fancy, but just right. Lot's of singing, yelling and wondering who Pretty Much was. 

Working// I started a new job about a month and a half ago. I am now a gym facilities monitor at the college I attend. Which in short means I watch out for peoples safety and make sure they get what they need when they do get hurt. I love my job! We have some exciting events coming up that I will be working at. A modest change from playing music for open rec basketball at my college. 

"Some might say you should live in the moment but how can you do that when you have a feeling buried in your soul reminding you of the fear, anxiousness, insanity, and hopelessness you felt in the interval span of a month... My heart feels like it's healing with each time it crashes against the interior of my ribcage."

"And I wonder which of his stories made him close his eyelids and lean his heavy body against the window of the train."

"I can't go back in time and talk to the souls I've come across but I can pray for them. I pray that God does immeasurable amounts of good in their lives."



Idk Love -Jermy Zucker
Villans- Luca Fogale
Shawn Mendes- Shawn Mendes (I waited all month for this album to come out!!)

I AM LOOKING FOR SOME SUMMER PENPALS! EMAIL ME OR COMMENT FOR LETTER EXCHANGE ALL SUMMER. (or at least some!) I to share my summer journeys via letter with someone- anyone. And I want to hear about their adventures! Maybe we can start a group of people who write letters to each other? IDK GUYS. I like letters. Contact me! My email is on the contact page!


Saturday, May 19, 2018

1// Grandmas go to bed early. AND SO DO I! There isn't anything I love more than going to bed at 8:30 after a long day. THERE IS NO BETTER FEELING. This also means that Grandmas and I must stay home instead of going out with friends in order to go to bed that early. That's fine by me. I like my house. {This is the very reason my friends started calling me a grandma!} I'm Vanessa, I am also a grandma at heart. I can't wait to be an old lady.

2// We LOVE writing letters! I adore writing letters, it's one of my favorite grandma traits. I always feel like an old soul when I write letters because PEOPLE DON'T DO IT ANYMORE! I wish they did because it's so much fun writing letters back and forth instead of texting or emailing one another. I get as excited as a grandma would when she receives letters from her grandchildren who rarely ever write. (I was also that grandchild who barely sent letters to their grandma.)

3// Older folks complain about the younger generations. "What's wrong with these children?" My grandma would say. I would then roll my eyes and say, "I have no idea." As if I wasn't a part of THAT generation. There's something so comical about older people complaining about the younger generation. How they are rude and always on their phones. Also, why don't they talk?!?! The younger the generation the fewer communication skills they have. That right there is a problem. If I were to have kids I would raise them like I grew up. No internet just the woods and some walkie-talkies. I just went on a rant like a grandma would. I'm telling you it's what I do.

4// Grandma's wear colorful patterns. Ummm. 87 percent of the clothing I own has some kind of pattern to it. There's no use in wearing clothes with a solid color. It doesn't get attention. But what turns heads and makes me feel like a grandma is when I wear a patterned shirt with a wait for it... A PATTERNED SOMETHING ELSE. It's a magical thing.

5// They give unconditional love. This here is my favorite thing about grandmas. They give love no matter what. Although sometimes I can be a real downer about everything I feel that when it comes to people I can't help but love them. Even when they have said something that hurts me, or is upsetting to hear I won't hold a grudge. I will only love them more while hating that I can't be upset at them like a normal person would. BUT normal is boring, right. 
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