Monday, December 10, 2018

1// Don't let what you are anxious about sit in the back of your mind
Is the project that's due two weeks from now or the phone call you have to make at some point in your day making you anxious? If you are anything like me you'll think about those things non-stop until you do them! These are the kinds of tasks that sit in your mind and make one anxious. You think about doing them and you try to not think about not doing them.

Let me tell you something, my friend. You can stop worrying about these tasks as soon as you start them. My best advice is to do it! Start that assignment you've been putting off and you'll realize it's not as bad as your mind's hyping it up to be. As soon as you start the task that is giving you anxiety your anxiousness will be relived! It's as simple as that.

2// Be positive proactive in your thoughts.
It's easier to let your thoughts be negative. It's so much easier. Sometimes when we get anxious all we hear are the negative thoughts passing through our minds. Phrases like, "I can't" "I suck." and "I am not good enough" can be on reply when you're caught up in anxiety but please don't let those be the only thoughts you hear! Remind yourself that you can and that you will. It's going to be okay and it's never as bad as you think it'll be. We have a tendency to let the negative overweight the positive when situations get rough but just because we feel a certain way doesn't mean it's true!

3// Get some sleep!
My creative friend! I know you don't sleep because of your minds always busy but sleep is your friend, not a time consumer. Let your body rest and repair it's self so it can function tomorrow! A sleepless brain is an anxious one and that's not ideal. Get some Z's!

4// Exercise
My all-time favorite anxiety relief. I know that working out isn't always a go-to anxiety relief but trust me it works wonders. Physiologist are now expected to ask their patients about exercise and if they are getting the proper amounts. It's a leading key to a healthy mind. So exercise. You don't have to hit the weights and workout so hard your dripping in sweat you just need to get moving in ways that make you feel good. Walks, yoga, dance, and bodyweight exercises are a few great examples for a moderate workout. Let your body workout its anxiety! (See the pun?)

Liked this post? Then you're about to LOVE what I have coming for you!
The start of 2019 holds...
A wellness newsletter by me
and a giveaway to promote the newsletter!


Thursday, November 29, 2018

Hello friend. Pick a topic and let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading this somewhat ranty post.

I've known a fair amount of people who have been important in my life then walk right out of it with no explanation or goodbye and I am always left with so many questions about why.

These people were as significant to me as they could be and we had developed the kind of relationship that doesn't let you question whether if they'll stick around because there's no question that they will be around-- that is until they aren't. I wonder about these souls. Where they have gone? What happened? Why they left without saying goodbye?

I wonder if they couldn't say goodbye because it was too uncomfortable or maybe it was because I didn't mean as much as I thought I did to them. It's a giant circle of questions that spins in my head when it comes to these people. I miss the feelings they gave me when I was around them. I am heartbroken they left but part of me knows that it's just faith. Bright stars have to fade to let others shine, sometimes.

I still have so many questions for these people. If I were to talk to them again I'd ask all the questions I'd been asking myself.

The other day I asked myself why I haven't been in a serious relationship. A few reasons why but it ultimately came down to the fact I am selfish. I enjoy spending time on my own, I love my independence, space, being creative and being myself when no one's around. I am 100 percent me when it's just myself and I.

To care for another human takes effort. It takes commitment, will, responsibility. I can barely hang in there when it comes to friends. How am I supposed to let another human into my life? Let them love me and care for me. I can love and care for myself! (wow independence wow) I have school and I have limited time. 

Don't get me wrong I would love to grow a connection with someone and get married. The pressure to do that is everywhere all the time but now isn't the time. Even though my mother loves to joke about setting me up with one of her friend's sons, or the guy at church, I don't think she seriously wants that for me in my life right now. 

And I don't actually want that right now either. So why'd I start talking to someone I met recently who I know things aren't going to work out with? I don't know. Part of me needs to branch out to remind myself of all the reasons I can't start a relationship with someone. Part of me just wants a hug? Sure. 

It's a messy and complicated thing but I am a mess and I like myself so I am gonna love myself by being with myself. I'm dating myself. Can't hurt me that way, you wishful thinking vanishing souls.

There are so many negative experiences in life that you have to see the silver lining in them. Anxiety, for the longest time, has been the hardest thing for me to see the silver lining in. It's the thing that holds me back from doing what I want to do and it's the feeling that makes me want to hide. It limits me. It makes me feel like a whole different person and it's hard to see good in someone I am not comfortable being.

But, the other day on my ride back from class post-midterm week I saw the good anxiety had done for me. Anxiety had made me a responsible student/ It allowed me to stick to a schedule, study the things I was anxious about, and practice the presentations I biting my nails about. All the anxiety forced me to be a little more focused and study a little harder. The outcome of that was one I hadn't realized would happen until I took some tests, taught in front of the class, and wrote some essays. 

The good in anxiety was the focus and determination to not fail at the one thing I was in control of, school. And although I missed a few days because getting out of bed and into the world was hard I still managed to do alright. It's a little too early to say I succeeded in the term but I already feel like I won one battle. The one that's always in my head. 

So even though anxiety is a pain in the ass I guess I won't mind a little nudging me to get assignments and homework done now that I can see some advantage to it. 

It's never not in the freezer of my household. RIght now we have a lovely blend of rocky road that doesn't do badly as a hot cocoa topping. I just love ice cream. Now, no one is going to get fat off eating their favorite treat once in a while, so I say do it. Treat yourself.

Icecream is my comfort food. I'll admit that!! The people who leave out of nowhere, the anxiety, and my love relationship ship for relationships are all thought about while eating ice cream. 

Did you enjoy this post format?
What are your thoughts on these topics?
What's your guilty pleasure food?


Thursday, November 22, 2018

Today we striped thanksgiving to its core. My mother, sister and I cooked a smaller meal in terms of what the normal Thanksgiving feast is like and called a day of movie watching, eating Costco pumpkin pie, and drinking Abuelita good. It's one of the simplest Thanksgivings we've had in the last couple of years.

There wasn't an El Salvadorian styled turkey this year or lots of family stopping by. No food comas, or drunk relatives. For that, I am thankful for. The madness of Black Friday sales haven't been thought about and Christmas music isn't playing...yet. It's been quiet and humble. Nothing big and fancy just my mother, sister and I and what we have.

My mother has been talking about how we shouldn't cook a huge turkey for just a couple of people when there are so many people suffering in this world. People who barely have enough money for a meal a day are relying on God to get them through the holidays. . Ones that do not have their family supporting them or are near them. There are people who are suffering from depression through the holidays. I think about how difficult it must be for people suffering to see the advertisements of what a Thanksgiving is supposed to look like and pictures of people they know sharing pictures of their table's full of food.

For this reason, it's fair to have a simpler holiday than one that so much effort is put into. Although it's nice to be with your family on the holidays and eat as much food as possible it's also pleasant to simply be with the people you love in the simplest of ways. This is how I was raised. To appreciate the people and things I have in my life now.

I am thankful for being gratified by the simpler things in life. I don't need anything fancy to be satisfied. A sense of belonging, support from the people who I love the most, faith, a roof over my head, good physical and mental health, and enough money to get by are all I need. Because there are many that do not have a lot of those things, those are the things I am most thankful to have this year.

Enjoy this non-related picture. I took this picture in late spring this year. Cute little frog and some flowers. 

I TOO AM WAITING {personal words}

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

do you see the quiet that lives in my soul
the part that is afraid to tell you i'm not okay
because i don't want to see you try to fix something
that can't be fixed by you

i'm sure you've noticed a shift in my eyes
they wander searching for significance
the kind no one has but God himself
but even when He is standing in front of me
i can't admit i need the help

i've watched the trees lose their leaves
they tremble all winter long waiting 
for the day they are strong enough to
grow what they once lost back

like the trees, i too am waiting

i am waiting for the day
when i am strong enough to grow again
the day when my spirit blooms like the flowers
and the colors inside of me don't only shine
on the inside but radiate on the outside too

until then i tell myself that it'll get better
that people can support but never fix
that i must be the one to self-sooth my quietness
to listen to the thoughts walking in my head
and to keep waiting for the season

you, my dear, can keep walking by my side
as i hold on
while God keeps watch

and i tell myself to be patient through the quiet 

NOTE: I really want my morning to be longer. When I get in a good writing mood and find a home within the words it's so hard to tear myself away and get on with my daily responsibilities. Today, classes. I feel very disconnected from the blogging world. It's been a while since I've had time to read everyone's blogs. Comment and I'll make sure to catch up with you! Miss you all. and as always thank you for your love and support on my blog.


Thursday, November 8, 2018

I've been finding myself saying there is something to be thankful for every day and even if I haven't found it yet something will come along. This week has been a gem but not just any type of gem. The one that's hard to find but once it's found is everything you could have hoped for and more. 

Monday was alright, I got out of bed walked myself over to the shuttle and went to class. I took an anatomy midterm that day that I had been preparing for all weekend. After I took that test I had a gut feeling that I didn't do all well as I hoped. On Tuesday, I could barely get out of bed. The weather was cold, I didn't want to deal with the people, and what not. 

On Wednesday, I didn't want to go to class. I almost didn't go but am I sure glad I did. I got out of bed that morning to go on a run (something I enjoy) and hope that after doing so I'd feel okay and more inspired to go to class. Running that morning was a game changer. The cold air was pleasant first thing in the morning, and my body was waking up. At the end of that run, I got ready for class and headed out the door. 

In anatomy, I got a horrid nerve-wracking speech from the professor that people either passed or failed this test. There were not very people in between. OH GREAT. I sat in that class thinking I had failed the test. My grade is on the line. I couldn't believe it, that I might have failed. I was sad. But then my test got handed to me at the end of class. "Good job," the professor said. I ignored that until I realized that was my comment! I had passed!! And did better than expected! I couldn't believe it. I was so thrilled and proud of myself. I wouldn't have felt this happy if I didn't get out of bed. 

And then today, Thursday, came around, I keep trying. Stayed in bed longer than I wanted to, rushed out the door and worried about a teach back I had to do the rest of the day. I had to teach five students how to do a side lunge today with the rest of the class watching me. I was nervous. I kept hearing this little voice from my most introverted self to stay home and skip the teach-back. I couldn't though. I wanted to try. I wanted to try so that I had the chance. 

Walking into the class with the tables pushed away making room for the others who would teach a skill made me feel uneasy. But I was glad to be there. And the more I sat down and saw everyone there I noticed that it wasn't as bad as I had made it up to be. That I didn't have much to worry about. When it was my turn to teach I put on my confident smile and began to teach. I felt like I was dipping my toe into what it will be like to teach people fitness and I loved it. It was fun and I think I did okay. 

But this week made me smile at myself. I kept trying and that couldn't have made me happier with myself. So this Thursday I am thankful for trying. Thankful for giving myself a chance. I'm also thankful for the time I've put in studying because it's paid off. Thankful for being me and thankful to have found a gem.

 I am proud of myself. 


Thursday, November 1, 2018

Thankfulness Thursday has become one of my favorite blogging traditions. Grace Anne from Totally Graced started this blogging tradition a few sweet years ago! Grace encouraged others to share what they are thankful for on Thursdays throughout the month of November.

I've enjoyed taking part in this because it gets me in the mood for Thanksgiving. These posts also give light to the holidays taking them away from the commercial aspect by instead focusing on something more simple and pure such as the people/things we have in our lives.

I invite you along with Grace and I to post at least once Thankfulness Thursday post! <3

A Few Words From Grace Anne on Thankfulness Thursday:
Gratitude is something that we all could be better about practicing year round, but we're all reminded of it a bit more around Thanksgiving. Three years ago, in 2015, I decided to put a particular emphasis on taking note of everything that I have to be thankful for by starting a Thankfulness Thursday series on my blog for the month of November. The posts were simple, just short lists of things that I was thankful for over the course of the week. Since then, Thankfulness Thursday has become an annual tradition, with bloggers from all over the world joining in each November. The posts vary from incredible stories of God's goodness to mere sentences, the kind that are all you can choke out when your brain is spinning in a thousand directions. At the core, however, they all share the same message- on the good days and the bad, the easy and the hard, there is always something to be grateful for. 

I'm Thankful For:
An Understanding Of Wellness- I have come to the realization that there are plenty of people that don't have the privilege to understand wellness because they lack the resources or were never taught about it. I am thankful that to be learning about health and fitness and that I am able to apply it to my life. I think that without the spark of interest in a healthy lifestyle I wouldn't be where I am now. It's a crazy thought to think that I could have never been taught about something that's so important in my lives and the lives of others. I want to share my passion for health and fitness with others to better their lives! If you're interested in Wellness check out my Wellness blog here.

My Sister- She's the one person that is there for me no matter what. I am blessed to have a good relationship with my one and only sibling. She's hands down my favorite person and I need to tell her that more often.

November- I'm so glad that it's November. I don't know how we go there so quickly but we did and that's something to be glad about. Things are looking up for the rest of the year. The rain, freezing cold weather, Thanksgiving, sweets, and being cozy are all things I am looking forward too.


Monday, October 29, 2018

The queen of pizza, books, and all things INFJ contacted me about doing another collab together and I couldn't have been happier to say yes. MacKenzie blogs at Paper Pizza. Please take a look at her blog if you haven't because Paper Pizza is blog goals and everyone needs some of Kenzie's spirit in their life. She's the most wonderful human!

We decided to drive deeper into the mind of the INFJ Q&A style. Now here's the best thing about this post. It relates to everyone. I'm a human and you are too. Take away the INFJ and Kenzie and I are just talking about our feelings and life. So tune in for a relatable and down to earth chat.

How We Look At The World

Vanessa: As one big challenge. Are we talking about the world and all it’s people or the world and beautiful sights it has to offer? I think that the world is a place where you’ll find a little bit of everything. Good, bad and ugly and you can try to hide from all the ugly (I am guilty of trying to do this) but you won’t see the beautiful unless you step out of your door. I’m always telling myself it’ll be a challenge to get out there and be myself but it’ll be worth it because I’ll grow. I enjoy my home and the internet, okay?

Kenzie: I like to look at it from the outside as if I’m peeking into a snowglobe. For someone who has always had a lingering fear of the world, I do see it a deep and beautiful perspective. The world itself and the people in it inspires me... It’s like listening to a song that makes you feel like your heart is about to burst. It can be sad but also wonderful in so many ways.

Meeting An INFJ

Vanessa: I think one of the biggest misconceptions about INFJs is that we are shy and that’s all. Shy: doesn’t have a lot to say, won’t open up. That’s only entirely true... We are quiet at first until we find comfy grounding. Once we find we are comfortable with someone we will open up and share all of our deepest secrets with you. But note this is only if we find you trustworthy and for me that doesn’t happen to be a lot of people.

Otherwise, you’ll probably be a cared about acquaintance to us. We’ll listen to whatever you have going on in your life and you’ll learn little things about us. INFJs make great listeners since we care so much about everyone.

Kenzie: When you first approach an INFJ, the first thing you will realize is that we are very quiet. I honestly feel so downgraded when people call me “shy” because I’m really not! I’m constantly thinking which means sometimes I might forget to speak... INFJs notice things others may not. We take notes and listen. We are the listeners. And sometimes we might feel more comfortable around certain people over others. We are definitely more talkative and open to people we are close to over people we just met. It takes time to get under our shell but once you do, it is so worth it. ;)

Our Feelings

Vanessa: WHERE DO I EVEN START? Feelings are a hard thing for me to deal with and explain. Complex intense feelings is the best way I can explain them. When I feel something I feel it intensely. Happy is much more than happy it’s joyful, content, radiant, full of life, adventurous, and other things all in one. The same thing applies to darker feelings, making those times a real ride.

Kenzie: VANESSA KNOWS WHAT’S UP. INFJs are very intuitive and sometimes we may feel something so intensely and not know why, exactly. Trying to understand my feelings is like putting a very, very complicated puzzle together. We love being understood, so when someone can actually “get” what we are feeling, it’s the best comfort feeling ever.

Why Our Brains Are Always Talking

Vanessa: Because our mouths can barely do it so our minds must take the stage instead?

Kenzie: BWHAHAHA. Vanessa pretty much just summed us up. If we’re very silent, it’s most likely that our brains are having an intense party filled with every little thought you could possibly think of in such a short span of time. We think A LOT. We’re in our heads probably 100.5% of the time, either daydreaming about the future or thinking of all the different ways we could have done THE THING. The downside of being in our heads all the time is that we end up in a spiral of thoughts, leading to none other than the imperial doom of #overthinking.

Vanessa: YES! Couldn’t have summed thatup better!

How We Deal With Decisions That Result In Change

Vanessa: Let me talk about decisions INFJs make that involve others. We are very sensitive towards others which means when it comes to making a decision we tend to think about EVERYONE'S feelings. We truly want everyone to be happy so making those choices can be a back and forth battle between what will make others happy and what you think is right in the situation. We care too much for our own good and sometimes don’t realize we can’t make everyone happy.

Kenzie: I really like your take on this question, Vanessa. Initially, I was going to answer this by going on about how I fear change so my decisions are usually based on that fear lingering in the back of my mind... But I love how you said that our decisions are usually based on what will make others happy and that is so true. We typically look at how the decision will benefit the overall group of people rather than just ourselves. We care so deeply for others and I think it’s because we carry so much empathy with us. Many INFJs reflect the emotions of others- especially me. If someone is sad, I start to reflect those feelings due to my ability to feel for them. Thus, I feel like unintentionally strive to make others happy so we can be happy. (Notice how I totally went off topic from that question?)

Things We Wish We Were Better At

Vanessa: Dealing with emotions, talking to people, stepping outside of my house with confidence (kind of kidding… not really.) For real, a goal of mine has been trying to do things without thinking too much about them. Maybe that’s an anxious mind thing but I struggle with doing things without overthinking them.

Kenzie: This may not be because I’m an INFJ but I wish I was better at accepting the things I cannot control. I beat myself up when I think, “Maybe I could have done THIS to prevent THAT from happening.”
Another thing I wish I was better at would be maintaining my emotions and not letting others control the way I feel. If someone looks at me the wrong way, I end up thinking about it for the rest of the day. It’s just how I am.  

How We Perceive Relationships & Love

Vanessa: I’m looking for “The One.” and if you aren’t it I’m moving on!! It’s as simple as that. As soon as I see a red flag or something that doesn’t match up to what I am looking for I might as well break loose and move on. To me, there’s no point in sticking around if I don’t like how things are turning out. Honestly, I just want a fairy tale romance which is why I think I am going to stick to loving the characters in books. Kenzie are you with me?

Kenzie: I am totally with you, Vanessa. I’m a hopeless romantic so if my love story isn’t an actual love story then... *shrugging girl emoji* But while we are on the topic of love and relationships, I have to add that I’m the type of person who believes in being friends first. I feel like I have to know the person before pursuing them in any way. Another thing I look for in someone is how they perceive the world. I want someone who looks at the world the way I do. I need our souls to feel connected. Having someone who understands me (because, let’s face it, I’m extremely complicated) would be an a+ for me.

How We Take Care Of Ourselves

Vanessa: Life is a lot for anyone! There’s so much to handle and every little move takes thought and effort. Taking care of myself is about doing what makes me happy. That’s taking days before I get overwhelmed, pre-planning my commute, waking up early and enjoying my morning. Slowing down helps. I also have a made a habit of not doing anything school/work related after 8pm. My mind does not work at night! Ice cream and some journaling is a favorite when it comes to self-care. No one said taking care of ourselves was going to be easy. (:

Kenzie: Sometimes I’ll bury emotions inside me until one day I just snap. And that’s not good... So there are some things that I will do to take care of myself so that doesn’t happen. When I’m feeling anxious or overwhelmed, I usually try to take a step back and turn away from everything for a little bit. Sometimes if I’ve been out in a social environment for too long, I’ll feel a little temperamental so that’s when I basically put myself to bed. I’ll give myself some alone time (something INFJs really value) and I’ll do something I enjoy doing such as reading a cute, fluffy read or the webcomic I’m currently obsessed with. Doing those little things such as having a cup of tea, getting a little more sleep, or relaxing really does help. For me, it’s all about the little things. We are like plants. We still need our sunshine and water, even when we think we’ve had enough of it.


Sunday, October 7, 2018

I am feeling discouraged. I look into the mirror trying to see the beauty rather than the things that make me frown. I remind myself that my body is only what carries me and that my personality is what people love when I pass by a mirror. I remind myself that I am enough and that I a child of God and God doesn't take into account how we look. That these blemishes on my face aren't permanent. That I am smart, I am beautiful and I am enough. I am.

And although my appearance has me flustered that isn't the obstacle.

What has me down isn't so much about the way my body looks but rather the way I feel. I feel heavy, sluggish, slow, and bloated. I've felt like that more than ever in the past few weeks and I am not helping myself by eating foods that are raising my blood pressure, spiking my sugar levels, and leaving my face with acne. Those foods are not only affecting me physically but mentally too.

The mind works better when you feed it wholesome foods but every time I eat one oreo I say whatever and indulge in five more. My brain is foggy, slow, and doesn't have a long attention span. I am fixated in shaming myself for the bad foods I've eaten and punish myself more by eating an extra amount.

Exercise is something I don't do often. I am ashamed to do it because every time I do I am reminded that I am not as strong as I was in Spring. That my health has diminished. My left wrist has trouble bearing weight and my left hip is sore. I feel unable.

What does it matter what the number says on the scale if I don't feel healthy? What does it matter if I can do 43 push-ups without stopping if the only thing I can think about is my wrist hurts. What's it matter if I eat one good meal only to think about the unhealthy one I shouldn't have eaten. My mindset isn't where it use to be.

I feel like shit. I want to feel better more than anything. I want to feel healthy again because I miss that feeling. I want to feel cleansed because this feeling I can't take anymore. I want to be able to nod when people say you're so healthy than rolling my eyes because they don't really know my truth.

And forget starting the next day. "Tomorrow I am going to drink more water, eat better foods, and exercise," that is what someone who isn't serious is going to say. I am going to start right now. When the realization came into mind that I am going to change. My mind is no longer in a stage of pre-contemplation or contemplation. I am ready to take action. And I am going to do that now.

I am going to exercise today because it makes me feel strong and I am going to chop some carrots up today for a movie time snack so that I won't be eating the ice cream I indulge my feelings with at night. I am going to start fixating on the good things I did for my body rather than the bad.

The outcome is feeling healthy, being happier about my lifestyle, feeling less sluggish, looking brighter, and feeling like I can tackle anything. It'll work out with a little effort. It will and I will feel better.

This piece has sat in my drafts for a while now but I think it's something that will help others to read so I am posting it as inspiration, encouragement, as something one might be able to relate to. As support. As a reminder that we don't have to be perfect. We just have to try. 

On a completely different note! There is a post on my health and fitness blog about oatmeal. If you haven't taken a look at that blog I encourage it!! Maybe subscribe via email and make my day! Blueberry muffins to all of you that subscribe via email! *gives muffins out*


Friday, September 28, 2018

Watched Vampire Diaries// ... and got bored around season three. I can't commit to binge-watching shows. My attention span is short. I loved the characters but they became so predictable after the first season. Damon Salvatore does have some of the most amusing expressions I've seen a character have.

Got Bored During My Five Week Break// There's only so much I can do when I have time off from work and school. Although, I appreciated having time to simply relax I missed the stress of school. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't take classes over the summer.

Got Sick The Week Before Fall Term// Flash forward to now where I am 92% better but my mother and sister now have the same cold I have. I'm sorry!!

First Day of Autumn Beach Trip// My mother, sister and I took a small trip to the coast the first day of Autumn and wow was it amazing!! On and off rain during the drive, clear skies at the beach, lunch at the bay, a walk through the forest looking for huckleberries, and wondrous clouds and beach views.

Started Fall Term// Started the first week of the term on the 24th and I am already buried in school work. It's a little overwhelming but what isn't these days?


"The polish reminded me of last summer. I am sitting on the toilet seat with the fan on so the smell of polish vanishes, with lovelytheband playing, messily painted nails, half damp hair and a door that's 70% open writing on the counter of the bathroom counter."

"Two days ago, on Friday, it started to rain and I opened the deck window and stuck my hand out of the house. The first rain droplet fell on my hand kept we wishing one would fall on the center of my palm."

"What if I left my journal in an unknown place. Just dropped it there for someone to pick-up. Would that person be able to find out whose words these are? or would they even care enough to read them? If I read my journal without knowing who I am could I piece my life back together?"

"Time goes by fast... it's been seven days since I've journaled but it doesn't feel like it."


"I don't know how to run. I don't know where to leave you behind." Don't Cry- Tors

"A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved." Supermarket Flowers- Ed Sheeran

"When you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again. I will find you and darling I will bring you home" By Your Side- Matt Kearney (i love his voice.)


Sunday, September 23, 2018

I'm just going to accept that this picture has a blue haze rather than a white one. *rolls eyes* blogger + perfectionist struggles. Sometimes, you don't get what you want.

Ginger Tea is my all time favorite tea. It's a miracle worker. But you must be a ginger lover to love this tea otherwise you'll most likely throw it in down the drain. However, if you are sick and can tolerate the flavor ginger it'll heal your common cold symptoms.

I got a cold the past Monday and I've been making pots of this tea non-stop. For those of you that don't know, I hate drugstore medications. I've had my fair share of allergic reactions to probiotics and other prescription drugs I can heal myself with a natural remedy, I WILL. Keeping those toxins out of my body makes me feel better. I also drink this tea when I am not sick because it's delicious. Sweet, spicy, warm, and soothing.

3 cups of water
2 tablespoons of fresh chopped ginger
2 lemons
1 lime
4 tablespoons of honey

*I don't measure out this recipe but these are the
eyed measurements to what I like. 
You can add or subtract anything to your taste preferences. 

1// Boil water in a pot
2// Once the water is boiling add in the chopped ginger and juice of lemons and limes
3// Simmer on medium heat for 5- 20 minutes. The longer you boil ginger the stronger the flavor
4// When done boiling take pot off the heat and stir in the desired amount of honey
5// Pour tea into the cup (If you don't like chewing on chunks of ginger like I do, put a strainer over your cup)

Wanted to say happy autumn as well! I've been holding back doing all things Autumn all September because I want it to be officially autumn until I rejoice that the colder days are among us! Happy autumn friends! I'm about to collect some leaves. 


Monday, September 17, 2018

We're writing blogs and not enough people are getting punched. So if you need to punch someone. Punch them."-words from a random podcast

I know this sounds slightly violent but these words get straight to the point. Hear me out!

I was listening to a podcast late last night before bed when I heard this line. That's the G rated version of what was being said but it got my attention. The ladies in this Podcast mentioned blogging which totally woke my mind up because how often is blogging mentioned? AND they mentioned punching someone which is even more interesting. These couple of lines caught my attention so much I had to rewind the Podcast and listen to the lines again and again. Then I wrote them down:
We're writing blogs and not enough people are getting punched. So if you need to punch someone. Punch them.
I thought about these lines for a while and what I got out of them is a message that I am so pleased to have discovered. 

As a blogger, I tend to write about my feelings. The feelings I write about are usually caused by the things going on in my mind, in my life or by the people I'm around. I've written a couple of blog posts with certain people in mind to channel my feelings. These posts are vague and written in broad terms and the purpose of these posts is to sway my feelings towards neutral, avoid confrontation, and then move on. Sound familiar?

I've started writing blog posts instead of confronting the situation at hand. Others are starting to open blogs and write posts about traumatic experiences to share what's going on and figure out how they feel. But this little quote I came across is right. Sometimes we need to "punch" someone and move on. Sometimes others need to be confronted about what they did to hurt you in order for you to move on. Forget writing the ranty blog post that will minimize some of your feelings and instead get those feelings out of your system and do something about it!

These words struck me as motivational and spoke to me as a reminder to stop hiding behind my blog. I need to do what I need to do to move on and sometimes the blog posts aren't the best way to go.

It was around 11pm when my mind was on fire with a realization about something I had been doing since I started blogging. I knew I needed to keep this quote and these thoughts on record and my blog are where they belong.

What are your thoughts on this?
Is there anyone or anything you need to "punch"? 

CAN'T SLEEP? ME TOO. i'm an infj

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Is falling asleep difficult for anyone else because recently it's been has been a chore for me.

Falling asleep shouldn't be a difficult thing to do but sometimes I have nights where I am tossing and turning because of my mind being wide awake with thoughts. Those kinds of nights are annoying! A night like that isn't a problem once and a while but when I start to notice having troubles falling asleep night after night, I dread bedtime.

I wonder how do INFJs sleep

INFJs are known to be heavy thinkers and highly productive people. Lot's of INFJs view sleep as a waste of time. Thus, they put off sleep because they want more time in their day but in my experience, one can't be as productive as one wishes if they don't get at least some sleep.

Shutting off my thoughts, as an INFJ, is virtually impossible. Meditation is intimidating and sleep can be just as dawning. Times at which my mind is alone to thought can be intense. Emotions start to bubble up to the surface, all the uncomfortable situations I've been in replay in my mind, and the worries in my mind become mini screenplays.

O.O This isn't fair!!

Unlike normal human beings who seem to fall asleep within seconds, I am awake for what feels like forrrreveerrr. Talk about bedtime anxiety. Bedtime anxiety explained: being anxious about going to bed. That might be a little dramatic...

But, I've figured out how to get myself asleep!

I'm not talking about what one should do before bed like eating no sugar, or food, reading, getting off your phone an hour before bed, hot teas, and magic potions. Those things are fine but I don't think they help the mind wandering/staying up with your thoughts all night problem. I'm talking about when you head on the pillow, your lights are off, and you're getting into a comfortable position to sleep or if you're like me think.

Here's what I've been finding works for me. When my heads on the pillow and I find myself wandering through my thoughts I consciously redirect my thoughts. 

Redirecting my thoughts means that I am actively changing the conversation in my mind to something I want to think about.  Preferably something that doesn't cause anxiety. When I catch myself thinking about that awkward time or wondering what like tomorrow will look like I stop myself and redirect my thoughts.

I actively think about a made up scenario or a happy memory. This means that for a while I am thinking about what is happening in my happy scene. Thinking things like I am walking to the room and I see someone who makes me happy, they are smiling, and I walk to them... My INFJ thoughts will sometimes come back into my mind while I am thinking about a happy scene so I once again redirect to the happy scene.

TO RECAP: Things that keep you up, redirect your thoughts and think about the happy scene, intrusive thoughts, back to the happy scene, repeat. Until you fall asleep.

It may sound like a lot of work but once your body gets tired you'll end up dreaming instead of thinking about that happy scene.

Do you have trouble falling asleep?
What kinds of things do you do to sleep once your heads on the pillow?


Thursday, September 6, 2018

I still do tags! I guess so. It's been so long that I can't even remember when the last tag I did was. Ann from Ann's Space tagged me to do the awesome blog award. (She's saving me from bloggers block right now.) Thank goodness for that! Thanks, Ann! Take a look at her blog if you haven't- Ann has a sweet personality that you'll miss out on if you don't take a peek.

thank the lovely that nominated you.
tag it under #theawesomebloggeraward 
answer the questions that your nominee asked
nominate 5 bloggers
give your nominees 10 questions

I do!! I normally don't walk out of the house without mascara and undereye concealer on. I have dark under eye circles. I've got eczema underneath my eyes and that makes my under eyes darker than normal. according to my doctor.

Comedies for sure. I've watched a few horror movies but they just weren't my thing. IT was okay and THE QUITE PLACE didn't even get to me. I found it a little more funny than it should be but that's me I laugh at the wrong parts of the movies. WE'RE THE MILLERS almost suffocated me from laughter. That movie.


I've been to El Salvador. That's where my mothers from. I was there my freshman year of high school. I've also been to Canada for a mini-train show club thing? and for dragon boating races. 


I'm in bed at 10pm almost every night and normally fall asleep before 11.

Black leggings and a long sleeve cream colored shirt.  

Nope! But I've got a spider plant!


A train pass! My sister remembered this better than I did. What's that say about my memory?


Foot. I say this because I ride the bus and train all the time. For those of you that don't know, I don't drive The bus and train is how I get around. I like the train better than the bus but walking is my top pick. Avoiding all the people and annoyances of public transportation. 


If I could be able to make choices in my dreams I'd love that. Dreams are super fun and I want to be able to live in them sometimes. Lucid dreaming is a superpower, right?


Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Veggie pizza is one of my favorite kinds. Or spinach and chicken. Never have been much of a burger person.

remember those deep + personal questions I answered a few posts ago? Answer those! Find them by clicking here.

I'm a rule breaker! BUT anyone who wants to do this tag should. You all are awesome bloggers.


Monday, September 3, 2018

The first time I saw her I held my breath. I couldn't believe it was her. I felt my cheeks tighten and my lips move into a massive smile. I couldn't hold myself together. It. Was. Her. I ran to her wanting to be as close as possible to someone I had spent so much time getting to know. My whole body gravitated towards her. I had been waiting for this moment for what seemed like forever.

The first time I felt her in my arms I knew she was home. I knew she was who I wanted to grow old with, who I wanted to come home to, who I wanted to cry and smile with. The moment I held her, there was nothing on my mind but her. I knew I was made to love this girl. 

The first time we said goodbye I knew I was going to come back to her. Our first goodbye wasn't blue. It was hopeful of seeing each other again. Our goodbye hug felt like a promise to come back to her. A goodbye that said I'll be back and we'll see each other soon. We both knew we'd be back together after we said goodbye.

I knew I was coming back home.


Thursday, August 30, 2018

Smoke Infused Air// The air this month has been awful. There were a few surrounding fires around the Portland area and the wind had the smoke traveling to our area. 97 degree days combined with hazy air does not make for good weather. I tried to stay indoors as much as I could to avoid giving myself smoke poisoning.

Finished Summer Term// Two weeks ago on June 16 I went to my last on-campus class. Took the finals and ended the term for classes that were on my campus. Yesterday, I took my last online quiz for the SOC class. I am officially free from school until the 24th of September!! A lot of you have been starting school while I am not going back until the 24th. Oregon's schedule is unusual.

Lots Of Lazy Days// Now that I am done with classes on campus I have had a lot of time to simply chill. Doing nothing for once is a really nice change from being in school from October until the end of August. Why did I take a summer term? I've been reading a lot as well as playing the ukulele, writing letters, working out, catching up on blogs, and spending time with my family.

"I saw rain in the weather report yesterday. It didn't rain like they said it might. I was hopeful to see dampened sidewalks but there wasn't any rain. I remember how much I love the rain when there is none. I miss it."

"I shut the journal because it was heavy. Looking back at what I was doing/feeling while I wrote in my last journal is intense. I didn't expect to be washed over by a wave of cold ocean water when I went to read it. I know I've written important things if I feel this way."

"The highest step on the stairs is where I like sitting. It's kind of an odd spot to be comfortable in but it's my place."

"It all feels like one really long day. Everything meshed into one day."

"I-I-I-I haven't been much myself. And I feel like my friends are being put through this hell I'm feeling" Bambi- Hippo Campus 

"Passenger, I'm clinging to the driver's seat. But you've got all the fight we need" Passenger- Hippo Campus

"You found somebody who does it better than he can. No more making you cry, no more them gray skies" Leavin'- Jessy McCartney 


Thursday, August 23, 2018

I've come to the conclusion that if I open up blogger I will come up with a post idea and eventually write something worth sharing.

Hi. That's me. I have a tendency to want to update my about page consistently because day after day I feel like a different person. I can't put myself in a cage and say these are the things that define me and will forever define who I am. I am always growing and changing.

Every once in a while I like to answer some about me questions to see where I stand. So that in the future I can see if I changed. 

Fear. There are phases in my life when I am brave and act off the love I have for something to pursue it but right now I am avoiding doing certain things because I fear what might happen if I do it. When anxiety kicks in, which it has for me, it is easier to hold back from doing something I want to do.

So. Many. Things. I always have irrelevant and unrecallable conversations with myself. I wish I could remember more of those conversations. I also tend to daydream and replay events that happened in my head. What can I say? I daydream a lot.

Me Before You. I cried like a baby the last 15 minutes of the movie. I mean come on William and Louisa were perfect for each other and the letter William leaves for Lousia drowned me in tears.

The best thing: I can be a sweetheart when you get to know me and are on my good side :P Worst thing: I say no a lot. I can be really stubborn so if I don't want to do something I'll make up a million excuses or sometimes I'll just leave it at cold unexplained no.

With respect. I want someone to understand that I am human and they'll have to be patient. It's always so difficult for me to come up with the ideal traits of a potential partner because I feel the need to be open-minded about what this person needs to be.

In the morning! I found this out at the beginning of 2018 that I do my best work in the morning. After a good nights sleep and some breakfast, I am normally so ready to get to work and do productive things.

17. I pretend to act mature but we all know I don't know what the heck I am doing. This is coming from someone who's 21. Growing up is hard! The phrase,"We are all children, pretending to be adults," is the story of my life.

When I am dancing. I feel carefree, light, strong, dorky, and alive when it's just me and the music. I love freestyle dancing because it takes me away from any stress life might be giving me. This has to be by myself alone in a room kind of dancing though

A dream. Dreams are indescribable and so is love.

I think pain inspires a lot of wonderful art. I like to turn my pain into something beautiful. Poems and words are my favorite way to express the emotions I am feeling. How many extraordinary words are inspired by dark feels? Many!!

Never trying. I can live with the fact that I failed at something but what kills me is knowing I could have tried to do something but didn't. Those are the kind of things that leave me wondering what would have happened if I tried for days.


Monday, August 20, 2018

I went through a list of blogs I had been following since the beginning of my blogging journey on Simply Me. 207 blogs to be exact. That's 207 peoples words that have impacted me and made me a better version of myself at some point in the last four years. Yours is most likely to be on that list and I started to delete some of the blogs that have gone MIA from my reading list. Some of these bloggers just stopped blogging, or moved to a different blog, or decided they didn't have time for blogging or weren't inspired.

I decided that if someone had announced they weren't blogging anymore or had stopped blogging in 2016 to early 2017 I would delete their blog from my GBF list. I really hope they don't decide to pop in after all that time because I'll miss that message now. I only follow 97 active blogs now. That's about half of the bloggers I follow that are blogging.

It was kind of disheartening to see so many blogs dropping off the face of the earth. It's not so much about the blog going but the person and their words. I remembered some of these words so well and others not so much but I know on those MIA blogs were filled with words I've read and commented on.

It kind of struck me again that BLOGGING IS A CHALLENGE. Only half the people on my list are still blogging. Blogging isn't for everyone and it's not easy but it's so rewarding and I want to take a little time to congratulate you as a blogger!! You've made it and I hope you continue to blog! Have some ice cream with me. *hands you your favorite ice cream flavor* To us because we are impacting people, helping ourselves and doing something that makes us happy.

I was journaling recently and the entry started off with me reflecting on last years completed journal and took a turn ending about how blogging has impacted me. "I've been inspired by blogging to love words, share thoughts, put feelings into words, read, have stronger faith, be a better person, love myself more, and much much more. All because of the lovely people I share a part of the interweb with."

Blogging has helped shaped me as a person.  It's helped me reflect on the harder times in my life and learn new things through other passionate people who love sharing their thoughts. Everything about blogging is dear to me.

YOU'VE IMPACTED ME. As a reader of my words, a blogger of their own site, and the writer of this site. I want to thank you for sticking around. Let's hope for many more astonishing posts, more love, and inspiration.

The MIA blogs will be missed. This mini journey has been bittersweet! 


Monday, August 13, 2018

EVERYTHING IS CLICHE. The internet has left me questioning and second-guessing everything I have written. I worry things are too cliche when I've said them. Have those things been said already? It sounds like they have. My words sound familiar. Why does everything I say sound so unoriginal? I will second guess my wording and actions like no one has before when I get in my head about this. 

But here is the thing. A cliche isn't cliche because the words and actions are mine. 

I am what makes cliche original!

"And I know that sounds cliche." -something I say all the time. 

It's true though! You and I have different stories that lead us to the things we do, therefore, being very different individuals. Two people may love buying plants for their rooms but how they came about putting plants in their room could be drastically unique.

On the surface level, things may seem cliche but the details make a story that is peculiar to itself. Boy meets girl sounds cliche but add in the details about how they met, their names, and what their individual stories are that lead them to meet and it's no longer cliche.

Will this mini-rant end my brain from ringing cliche cliche cliche about everything? Probably not. But will it help me see myself as more original? I think so.

What are your thoughts about cliches?


Tuesday, August 7, 2018

THESE FLOWERS AND THIS SKY// I took these pictures on Thursday of last week. (August 2, 2018) After a long day of classes and work these two things cheered up my mood. Look at how well the pictures go together too! I am a little obsessed. YUP, just a little. That's all. (;

FRIENDLY SOUNDING VOICES// Is this a weird thing to notice? I was sitting in the library and someone started talking and of course you can clearly make out every word they are saying because we're at a library and they are one of the few people talking. BUT this voice sounded like music. A one of a kind smoothing voice that you just want to listen to because it's a good one. I don't even remember what was said.

ENCOURAGEMENT// "Just keep going and don't stop trying. You'll make it." This was what one of the ladies at my word said to me while she was checking out. Just the right amount of you got this to make me want to keep going.

LAUGHING AT MYSELF// There are just some things that I am capable of doing and thinking that make me laugh at myself and sometimes in public. There are times where I really get into a thought and start mumbling to myself what's funny is when people catch you doing that. Talk about an awkward situation but that I am laughing about after.

THE HEAT// Normally, this wouldn't be on the list but 90 degree summer days are making me very thankful for the days where the heat is minimal. The PNW isn't suppose to be this hot. (This is what we say every year, while we blame it on global warming) This heat will pass.

AIR CONDITIONING// We've come back to the library in this oh so random post to talk about how the air conditioning is the best here. I actually bring a sweater with me when I am at the library that's how well their air conditioning works. If only I had this level of air conditioning in my apartment.

Hoping you all are having a wonderful summer and
having a great week! Thank you for all your support!


Monday, July 30, 2018

I would wrap up the month with a post of the things I've been doing but in all honesty, this month has been a drag. I've been going to classes and working Monday- Thursday. That leaves three days to catch up on assignments, listen to lots of music, and do the things that make me feel better.

BLAZER EVENT MONITORING// OH THIS IS WORTH MENTIONING. This month I got to safety supervise professional dance auditions. I was working from 8am-5pm but it was so much fun getting to see how professional dance team auditions are run. Those dancers were marvelous. Was kind of hard not to jump up and start dancing with them but I still enjoyed that day so much!

WOW, THIS IS OFF TOPIC but the heat is real. It's been in the 90's all week I feel like I am always sleep deprived. I want winter to come back. I miss hoddie wearing weather. 
My journal entries say it the best, this month I've been stuck in my head. I've been dealing with constant anxiety and it's noticeable in lots of my journal entries. Just thought I'd be real and share what's been going through my head all month. Get it all out there.

"It's hard to come back from the movies my mind plays because it is often easier to live those out than worry and obsess over everything human."

"HE reminds me of a character in a teen rom-com. A hipster with the best intentions trying to get by in life. Ups and many downs. Still a smile on his face regardless he's such a kind soul. He's the kind of person I am thankful for- the kind that you run up and hug like you haven't seen each other in years when in actuality you saw them yesterday."

"It's a box that mindlessly spits out stories you wish you never heard. So yeah, when I was younger I knew the new's wasn't something I was supposed to watch and it still isn't something I think I should watch. What I want is a T.V. that plays the best of memories."

"I was freaking out because I had to turn in a timesheet. A TIMESHEET. This wasn't telling the key master I lost the key and the dragon flew away after I opened the gates because I distracted myself from the task at hand. This was simply doing my job."

"I love the people in my dreams. They only break my heart because they aren't real and those people can only live in my mind...When I am awake I see figures and scenes of what happened and what could have been added to the story."

"MONACHOPSIS- the subtle feeling of being out of place. LOL ME ALWAYS."

"We're at the river today just chilling under a tree waiting for the people who put out their BBQ to come and start cooking."

"Hating always worrying about what is to come. If I just get things out of the way now then I'll be fine for later but doing things NOW takes a lot of effort to get started. MY MIND."

lovelytheband- Broken, Emotion
bleachers- Rollercoaster
5sos- If Walls Could Talk
(thanking Kenzie for some of my new favorite songs!)
Imagine dragons- Dancing In The Dark
TORS- Might Never Happen, Wilder Days
Declan J Donovan- Numb
Young Mister- The Best Part
(some of these songs that you should really listen to are linked!! Check them out.)
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