Saturday, October 13, 2018

Self-care can easily make it to the bottom of one's to-do list. Sometimes we are too prideful about our jam-packed schedules to admit we make time for ourselves. And other times we seriously just don't have time. But self- care is so very important and should be done!

That's why I think busy days call for long showers.

After a busy day, a long shower is the easiest way to show yourself that you care. It's simple and effective. If you're going to take a shower why not spend some time in there! It seems like sometimes the only place you can slow down is the shower, you know, since it's just you and your thoughts.

We aren't taking advantage of our showers.
I know at times when I take showers I just go through the motions. I wash my hair, wash my body, and shave like I am a robot. This makes taking showers sound like a chore. Surely, we want to enjoy our showers. So stop going through the motions and go into the shower thinking that this is your time! Your uninterrupted time to focus and take care of yourself!

Stop rushing through your shower.
People who take care of themselves take long showers. This is the conclusion I've come too. No one but your siblings will tell you to hurry up in the shower. Why not take advantage of your "you" time and enjoy the shower instead of rushing so you can get dinner or move onto the next task.

A few ideas for your next shower:
-Turn on some sing along songs
-Don't rush
-Be mindful of yourself
-Remember to put on lotion

This is the simplest way to take caee of yourself sooooo Shower yourself with love AND remember shower time is you time. Don't waste it.


Sunday, October 7, 2018

I am feeling discouraged. I look into the mirror trying to see the beauty rather than the things that make me frown. I remind myself that my body is only what carries me and that my personality is what people love when I pass by a mirror. I remind myself that I am enough and that I a child of God and God doesn't take into account how we look. That these blemishes on my face aren't permanent. That I am smart, I am beautiful and I am enough. I am.

And although my appearance has me flustered that isn't the obstacle.

What has me down isn't so much about the way my body looks but rather the way I feel. I feel heavy, sluggish, slow, and bloated. I've felt like that more than ever in the past few weeks and I am not helping myself by eating foods that are raising my blood pressure, spiking my sugar levels, and leaving my face with acne. Those foods are not only affecting me physically but mentally too.

The mind works better when you feed it wholesome foods but every time I eat one oreo I say whatever and indulge in five more. My brain is foggy, slow, and doesn't have a long attention span. I am fixated in shaming myself for the bad foods I've eaten and punish myself more by eating an extra amount.

Exercise is something I don't do often. I am ashamed to do it because every time I do I am reminded that I am not as strong as I was in Spring. That my health has diminished. My left wrist has trouble bearing weight and my left hip is sore. I feel unable.

What does it matter what the number says on the scale if I don't feel healthy? What does it matter if I can do 43 push-ups without stopping if the only thing I can think about is my wrist hurts. What's it matter if I eat one good meal only to think about the unhealthy one I shouldn't have eaten. My mindset isn't where it use to be.

I feel like shit. I want to feel better more than anything. I want to feel healthy again because I miss that feeling. I want to feel cleansed because this feeling I can't take anymore. I want to be able to nod when people say you're so healthy than rolling my eyes because they don't really know my truth.

And forget starting the next day. "Tomorrow I am going to drink more water, eat better foods, and exercise," that is what someone who isn't serious is going to say. I am going to start right now. When the realization came into mind that I am going to change. My mind is no longer in a stage of pre-contemplation or contemplation. I am ready to take action. And I am going to do that now.

I am going to exercise today because it makes me feel strong and I am going to chop some carrots up today for a movie time snack so that I won't be eating the ice cream I indulge my feelings with at night. I am going to start fixating on the good things I did for my body rather than the bad.

The outcome is feeling healthy, being happier about my lifestyle, feeling less sluggish, looking brighter, and feeling like I can tackle anything. It'll work out with a little effort. It will and I will feel better.

This piece has sat in my drafts for a while now but I think it's something that will help others to read so I am posting it as inspiration, encouragement, as something one might be able to relate to. As support. As a reminder that we don't have to be perfect. We just have to try. 

On a completely different note! There is a post on my health and fitness blog about oatmeal. If you haven't taken a look at that blog I encourage it!! Maybe subscribe via email and make my day! Blueberry muffins to all of you that subscribe via email! *gives muffins out*


Friday, September 28, 2018

Watched Vampire Diaries// ... and got bored around season three. I can't commit to binge-watching shows. My attention span is short. I loved the characters but they became so predictable after the first season. Damon Salvatore does have some of the most amusing expressions I've seen a character have.

Got Bored During My Five Week Break// There's only so much I can do when I have time off from work and school. Although, I appreciated having time to simply relax I missed the stress of school. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't take classes over the summer.

Got Sick The Week Before Fall Term// Flash forward to now where I am 92% better but my mother and sister now have the same cold I have. I'm sorry!!

First Day of Autumn Beach Trip// My mother, sister and I took a small trip to the coast the first day of Autumn and wow was it amazing!! On and off rain during the drive, clear skies at the beach, lunch at the bay, a walk through the forest looking for huckleberries, and wondrous clouds and beach views.

Started Fall Term// Started the first week of the term on the 24th and I am already buried in school work. It's a little overwhelming but what isn't these days?


"The polish reminded me of last summer. I am sitting on the toilet seat with the fan on so the smell of polish vanishes, with lovelytheband playing, messily painted nails, half damp hair and a door that's 70% open writing on the counter of the bathroom counter."

"Two days ago, on Friday, it started to rain and I opened the deck window and stuck my hand out of the house. The first rain droplet fell on my hand kept we wishing one would fall on the center of my palm."

"What if I left my journal in an unknown place. Just dropped it there for someone to pick-up. Would that person be able to find out whose words these are? or would they even care enough to read them? If I read my journal without knowing who I am could I piece my life back together?"

"Time goes by fast... it's been seven days since I've journaled but it doesn't feel like it."


"I don't know how to run. I don't know where to leave you behind." Don't Cry- Tors

"A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved." Supermarket Flowers- Ed Sheeran

"When you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again. I will find you and darling I will bring you home" By Your Side- Matt Kearney (i love his voice.)


Sunday, September 23, 2018

I'm just going to accept that this picture has a blue haze rather than a white one. *rolls eyes* blogger + perfectionist struggles. Sometimes, you don't get what you want.

Ginger Tea is my all time favorite tea. It's a miracle worker. But you must be a ginger lover to love this tea otherwise you'll most likely throw it in down the drain. However, if you are sick and can tolerate the flavor ginger it'll heal your common cold symptoms.

I got a cold the past Monday and I've been making pots of this tea non-stop. For those of you that don't know, I hate drugstore medications. I've had my fair share of allergic reactions to probiotics and other prescription drugs I can heal myself with a natural remedy, I WILL. Keeping those toxins out of my body makes me feel better. I also drink this tea when I am not sick because it's delicious. Sweet, spicy, warm, and soothing.

3 cups of water
2 tablespoons of fresh chopped ginger
2 lemons
1 lime
4 tablespoons of honey

*I don't measure out this recipe but these are the
eyed measurements to what I like. 
You can add or subtract anything to your taste preferences. 

1// Boil water in a pot
2// Once the water is boiling add in the chopped ginger and juice of lemons and limes
3// Simmer on medium heat for 5- 20 minutes. The longer you boil ginger the stronger the flavor
4// When done boiling take pot off the heat and stir in the desired amount of honey
5// Pour tea into the cup (If you don't like chewing on chunks of ginger like I do, put a strainer over your cup)

Wanted to say happy autumn as well! I've been holding back doing all things Autumn all September because I want it to be officially autumn until I rejoice that the colder days are among us! Happy autumn friends! I'm about to collect some leaves. 


Monday, September 17, 2018

We're writing blogs and not enough people are getting punched. So if you need to punch someone. Punch them."-words from a random podcast

I know this sounds slightly violent but these words get straight to the point. Hear me out!

I was listening to a podcast late last night before bed when I heard this line. That's the G rated version of what was being said but it got my attention. The ladies in this Podcast mentioned blogging which totally woke my mind up because how often is blogging mentioned? AND they mentioned punching someone which is even more interesting. These couple of lines caught my attention so much I had to rewind the Podcast and listen to the lines again and again. Then I wrote them down:
We're writing blogs and not enough people are getting punched. So if you need to punch someone. Punch them.
I thought about these lines for a while and what I got out of them is a message that I am so pleased to have discovered. 

As a blogger, I tend to write about my feelings. The feelings I write about are usually caused by the things going on in my mind, in my life or by the people I'm around. I've written a couple of blog posts with certain people in mind to channel my feelings. These posts are vague and written in broad terms and the purpose of these posts is to sway my feelings towards neutral, avoid confrontation, and then move on. Sound familiar?

I've started writing blog posts instead of confronting the situation at hand. Others are starting to open blogs and write posts about traumatic experiences to share what's going on and figure out how they feel. But this little quote I came across is right. Sometimes we need to "punch" someone and move on. Sometimes others need to be confronted about what they did to hurt you in order for you to move on. Forget writing the ranty blog post that will minimize some of your feelings and instead get those feelings out of your system and do something about it!

These words struck me as motivational and spoke to me as a reminder to stop hiding behind my blog. I need to do what I need to do to move on and sometimes the blog posts aren't the best way to go.

It was around 11pm when my mind was on fire with a realization about something I had been doing since I started blogging. I knew I needed to keep this quote and these thoughts on record and my blog are where they belong.

What are your thoughts on this?
Is there anyone or anything you need to "punch"? 

CAN'T SLEEP? ME TOO. i'm an infj

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Is falling asleep difficult for anyone else because recently it's been has been a chore for me.

Falling asleep shouldn't be a difficult thing to do but sometimes I have nights where I am tossing and turning because of my mind being wide awake with thoughts. Those kinds of nights are annoying! A night like that isn't a problem once and a while but when I start to notice having troubles falling asleep night after night, I dread bedtime.

I wonder how do INFJs sleep

INFJs are known to be heavy thinkers and highly productive people. Lot's of INFJs view sleep as a waste of time. Thus, they put off sleep because they want more time in their day but in my experience, one can't be as productive as one wishes if they don't get at least some sleep.

Shutting off my thoughts, as an INFJ, is virtually impossible. Meditation is intimidating and sleep can be just as dawning. Times at which my mind is alone to thought can be intense. Emotions start to bubble up to the surface, all the uncomfortable situations I've been in replay in my mind, and the worries in my mind become mini screenplays.

O.O This isn't fair!!

Unlike normal human beings who seem to fall asleep within seconds, I am awake for what feels like forrrreveerrr. Talk about bedtime anxiety. Bedtime anxiety explained: being anxious about going to bed. That might be a little dramatic...

But, I've figured out how to get myself asleep!

I'm not talking about what one should do before bed like eating no sugar, or food, reading, getting off your phone an hour before bed, hot teas, and magic potions. Those things are fine but I don't think they help the mind wandering/staying up with your thoughts all night problem. I'm talking about when you head on the pillow, your lights are off, and you're getting into a comfortable position to sleep or if you're like me think.

Here's what I've been finding works for me. When my heads on the pillow and I find myself wandering through my thoughts I consciously redirect my thoughts. 

Redirecting my thoughts means that I am actively changing the conversation in my mind to something I want to think about.  Preferably something that doesn't cause anxiety. When I catch myself thinking about that awkward time or wondering what like tomorrow will look like I stop myself and redirect my thoughts.

I actively think about a made up scenario or a happy memory. This means that for a while I am thinking about what is happening in my happy scene. Thinking things like I am walking to the room and I see someone who makes me happy, they are smiling, and I walk to them... My INFJ thoughts will sometimes come back into my mind while I am thinking about a happy scene so I once again redirect to the happy scene.

TO RECAP: Things that keep you up, redirect your thoughts and think about the happy scene, intrusive thoughts, back to the happy scene, repeat. Until you fall asleep.

It may sound like a lot of work but once your body gets tired you'll end up dreaming instead of thinking about that happy scene.

Do you have trouble falling asleep?
What kinds of things do you do to sleep once your heads on the pillow?


Thursday, September 6, 2018

I still do tags! I guess so. It's been so long that I can't even remember when the last tag I did was. Ann from Ann's Space tagged me to do the awesome blog award. (She's saving me from bloggers block right now.) Thank goodness for that! Thanks, Ann! Take a look at her blog if you haven't- Ann has a sweet personality that you'll miss out on if you don't take a peek.

thank the lovely that nominated you.
tag it under #theawesomebloggeraward 
answer the questions that your nominee asked
nominate 5 bloggers
give your nominees 10 questions

I do!! I normally don't walk out of the house without mascara and undereye concealer on. I have dark under eye circles. I've got eczema underneath my eyes and that makes my under eyes darker than normal. according to my doctor.

Comedies for sure. I've watched a few horror movies but they just weren't my thing. IT was okay and THE QUITE PLACE didn't even get to me. I found it a little more funny than it should be but that's me I laugh at the wrong parts of the movies. WE'RE THE MILLERS almost suffocated me from laughter. That movie.


I've been to El Salvador. That's where my mothers from. I was there my freshman year of high school. I've also been to Canada for a mini-train show club thing? and for dragon boating races. 


I'm in bed at 10pm almost every night and normally fall asleep before 11.

Black leggings and a long sleeve cream colored shirt.  

Nope! But I've got a spider plant!


A train pass! My sister remembered this better than I did. What's that say about my memory?


Foot. I say this because I ride the bus and train all the time. For those of you that don't know, I don't drive The bus and train is how I get around. I like the train better than the bus but walking is my top pick. Avoiding all the people and annoyances of public transportation. 


If I could be able to make choices in my dreams I'd love that. Dreams are super fun and I want to be able to live in them sometimes. Lucid dreaming is a superpower, right?


Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Veggie pizza is one of my favorite kinds. Or spinach and chicken. Never have been much of a burger person.

remember those deep + personal questions I answered a few posts ago? Answer those! Find them by clicking here.

I'm a rule breaker! BUT anyone who wants to do this tag should. You all are awesome bloggers.


Monday, September 3, 2018

The first time I saw her I held my breath. I couldn't believe it was her. I felt my cheeks tighten and my lips move into a massive smile. I couldn't hold myself together. It. Was. Her. I ran to her wanting to be as close as possible to someone I had spent so much time getting to know. My whole body gravitated towards her. I had been waiting for this moment for what seemed like forever.

The first time I felt her in my arms I knew she was home. I knew she was who I wanted to grow old with, who I wanted to come home to, who I wanted to cry and smile with. The moment I held her, there was nothing on my mind but her. I knew I was made to love this girl. 

The first time we said goodbye I knew I was going to come back to her. Our first goodbye wasn't blue. It was hopeful of seeing each other again. Our goodbye hug felt like a promise to come back to her. A goodbye that said I'll be back and we'll see each other soon. We both knew we'd be back together after we said goodbye.

I knew I was coming back home.


Thursday, August 30, 2018

Smoke Infused Air// The air this month has been awful. There were a few surrounding fires around the Portland area and the wind had the smoke traveling to our area. 97 degree days combined with hazy air does not make for good weather. I tried to stay indoors as much as I could to avoid giving myself smoke poisoning.

Finished Summer Term// Two weeks ago on June 16 I went to my last on-campus class. Took the finals and ended the term for classes that were on my campus. Yesterday, I took my last online quiz for the SOC class. I am officially free from school until the 24th of September!! A lot of you have been starting school while I am not going back until the 24th. Oregon's schedule is unusual.

Lots Of Lazy Days// Now that I am done with classes on campus I have had a lot of time to simply chill. Doing nothing for once is a really nice change from being in school from October until the end of August. Why did I take a summer term? I've been reading a lot as well as playing the ukulele, writing letters, working out, catching up on blogs, and spending time with my family.

"I saw rain in the weather report yesterday. It didn't rain like they said it might. I was hopeful to see dampened sidewalks but there wasn't any rain. I remember how much I love the rain when there is none. I miss it."

"I shut the journal because it was heavy. Looking back at what I was doing/feeling while I wrote in my last journal is intense. I didn't expect to be washed over by a wave of cold ocean water when I went to read it. I know I've written important things if I feel this way."

"The highest step on the stairs is where I like sitting. It's kind of an odd spot to be comfortable in but it's my place."

"It all feels like one really long day. Everything meshed into one day."

"I-I-I-I haven't been much myself. And I feel like my friends are being put through this hell I'm feeling" Bambi- Hippo Campus 

"Passenger, I'm clinging to the driver's seat. But you've got all the fight we need" Passenger- Hippo Campus

"You found somebody who does it better than he can. No more making you cry, no more them gray skies" Leavin'- Jessy McCartney 


Thursday, August 23, 2018

I've come to the conclusion that if I open up blogger I will come up with a post idea and eventually write something worth sharing.

Hi. That's me. I have a tendency to want to update my about page consistently because day after day I feel like a different person. I can't put myself in a cage and say these are the things that define me and will forever define who I am. I am always growing and changing.

Every once in a while I like to answer some about me questions to see where I stand. So that in the future I can see if I changed. 

Fear. There are phases in my life when I am brave and act off the love I have for something to pursue it but right now I am avoiding doing certain things because I fear what might happen if I do it. When anxiety kicks in, which it has for me, it is easier to hold back from doing something I want to do.

So. Many. Things. I always have irrelevant and unrecallable conversations with myself. I wish I could remember more of those conversations. I also tend to daydream and replay events that happened in my head. What can I say? I daydream a lot.

Me Before You. I cried like a baby the last 15 minutes of the movie. I mean come on William and Louisa were perfect for each other and the letter William leaves for Lousia drowned me in tears.

The best thing: I can be a sweetheart when you get to know me and are on my good side :P Worst thing: I say no a lot. I can be really stubborn so if I don't want to do something I'll make up a million excuses or sometimes I'll just leave it at cold unexplained no.

With respect. I want someone to understand that I am human and they'll have to be patient. It's always so difficult for me to come up with the ideal traits of a potential partner because I feel the need to be open-minded about what this person needs to be.

In the morning! I found this out at the beginning of 2018 that I do my best work in the morning. After a good nights sleep and some breakfast, I am normally so ready to get to work and do productive things.

17. I pretend to act mature but we all know I don't know what the heck I am doing. This is coming from someone who's 21. Growing up is hard! The phrase,"We are all children, pretending to be adults," is the story of my life.

When I am dancing. I feel carefree, light, strong, dorky, and alive when it's just me and the music. I love freestyle dancing because it takes me away from any stress life might be giving me. This has to be by myself alone in a room kind of dancing though

A dream. Dreams are indescribable and so is love.

I think pain inspires a lot of wonderful art. I like to turn my pain into something beautiful. Poems and words are my favorite way to express the emotions I am feeling. How many extraordinary words are inspired by dark feels? Many!!

Never trying. I can live with the fact that I failed at something but what kills me is knowing I could have tried to do something but didn't. Those are the kind of things that leave me wondering what would have happened if I tried for days.


Monday, August 20, 2018

I went through a list of blogs I had been following since the beginning of my blogging journey on Simply Me. 207 blogs to be exact. That's 207 peoples words that have impacted me and made me a better version of myself at some point in the last four years. Yours is most likely to be on that list and I started to delete some of the blogs that have gone MIA from my reading list. Some of these bloggers just stopped blogging, or moved to a different blog, or decided they didn't have time for blogging or weren't inspired.

I decided that if someone had announced they weren't blogging anymore or had stopped blogging in 2016 to early 2017 I would delete their blog from my GBF list. I really hope they don't decide to pop in after all that time because I'll miss that message now. I only follow 97 active blogs now. That's about half of the bloggers I follow that are blogging.

It was kind of disheartening to see so many blogs dropping off the face of the earth. It's not so much about the blog going but the person and their words. I remembered some of these words so well and others not so much but I know on those MIA blogs were filled with words I've read and commented on.

It kind of struck me again that BLOGGING IS A CHALLENGE. Only half the people on my list are still blogging. Blogging isn't for everyone and it's not easy but it's so rewarding and I want to take a little time to congratulate you as a blogger!! You've made it and I hope you continue to blog! Have some ice cream with me. *hands you your favorite ice cream flavor* To us because we are impacting people, helping ourselves and doing something that makes us happy.

I was journaling recently and the entry started off with me reflecting on last years completed journal and took a turn ending about how blogging has impacted me. "I've been inspired by blogging to love words, share thoughts, put feelings into words, read, have stronger faith, be a better person, love myself more, and much much more. All because of the lovely people I share a part of the interweb with."

Blogging has helped shaped me as a person.  It's helped me reflect on the harder times in my life and learn new things through other passionate people who love sharing their thoughts. Everything about blogging is dear to me.

YOU'VE IMPACTED ME. As a reader of my words, a blogger of their own site, and the writer of this site. I want to thank you for sticking around. Let's hope for many more astonishing posts, more love, and inspiration.

The MIA blogs will be missed. This mini journey has been bittersweet! 


Monday, August 13, 2018

EVERYTHING IS CLICHE. The internet has left me questioning and second-guessing everything I have written. I worry things are too cliche when I've said them. Have those things been said already? It sounds like they have. My words sound familiar. Why does everything I say sound so unoriginal? I will second guess my wording and actions like no one has before when I get in my head about this. 

But here is the thing. A cliche isn't cliche because the words and actions are mine. 

I am what makes cliche original!

"And I know that sounds cliche." -something I say all the time. 

It's true though! You and I have different stories that lead us to the things we do, therefore, being very different individuals. Two people may love buying plants for their rooms but how they came about putting plants in their room could be drastically unique.

On the surface level, things may seem cliche but the details make a story that is peculiar to itself. Boy meets girl sounds cliche but add in the details about how they met, their names, and what their individual stories are that lead them to meet and it's no longer cliche.

Will this mini-rant end my brain from ringing cliche cliche cliche about everything? Probably not. But will it help me see myself as more original? I think so.

What are your thoughts about cliches?


Tuesday, August 7, 2018

THESE FLOWERS AND THIS SKY// I took these pictures on Thursday of last week. (August 2, 2018) After a long day of classes and work these two things cheered up my mood. Look at how well the pictures go together too! I am a little obsessed. YUP, just a little. That's all. (;

FRIENDLY SOUNDING VOICES// Is this a weird thing to notice? I was sitting in the library and someone started talking and of course you can clearly make out every word they are saying because we're at a library and they are one of the few people talking. BUT this voice sounded like music. A one of a kind smoothing voice that you just want to listen to because it's a good one. I don't even remember what was said.

ENCOURAGEMENT// "Just keep going and don't stop trying. You'll make it." This was what one of the ladies at my word said to me while she was checking out. Just the right amount of you got this to make me want to keep going.

LAUGHING AT MYSELF// There are just some things that I am capable of doing and thinking that make me laugh at myself and sometimes in public. There are times where I really get into a thought and start mumbling to myself what's funny is when people catch you doing that. Talk about an awkward situation but that I am laughing about after.

THE HEAT// Normally, this wouldn't be on the list but 90 degree summer days are making me very thankful for the days where the heat is minimal. The PNW isn't suppose to be this hot. (This is what we say every year, while we blame it on global warming) This heat will pass.

AIR CONDITIONING// We've come back to the library in this oh so random post to talk about how the air conditioning is the best here. I actually bring a sweater with me when I am at the library that's how well their air conditioning works. If only I had this level of air conditioning in my apartment.

Hoping you all are having a wonderful summer and
having a great week! Thank you for all your support!


Monday, July 30, 2018

I would wrap up the month with a post of the things I've been doing but in all honesty, this month has been a drag. I've been going to classes and working Monday- Thursday. That leaves three days to catch up on assignments, listen to lots of music, and do the things that make me feel better.

BLAZER EVENT MONITORING// OH THIS IS WORTH MENTIONING. This month I got to safety supervise professional dance auditions. I was working from 8am-5pm but it was so much fun getting to see how professional dance team auditions are run. Those dancers were marvelous. Was kind of hard not to jump up and start dancing with them but I still enjoyed that day so much!

WOW, THIS IS OFF TOPIC but the heat is real. It's been in the 90's all week I feel like I am always sleep deprived. I want winter to come back. I miss hoddie wearing weather. 
My journal entries say it the best, this month I've been stuck in my head. I've been dealing with constant anxiety and it's noticeable in lots of my journal entries. Just thought I'd be real and share what's been going through my head all month. Get it all out there.

"It's hard to come back from the movies my mind plays because it is often easier to live those out than worry and obsess over everything human."

"HE reminds me of a character in a teen rom-com. A hipster with the best intentions trying to get by in life. Ups and many downs. Still a smile on his face regardless he's such a kind soul. He's the kind of person I am thankful for- the kind that you run up and hug like you haven't seen each other in years when in actuality you saw them yesterday."

"It's a box that mindlessly spits out stories you wish you never heard. So yeah, when I was younger I knew the new's wasn't something I was supposed to watch and it still isn't something I think I should watch. What I want is a T.V. that plays the best of memories."

"I was freaking out because I had to turn in a timesheet. A TIMESHEET. This wasn't telling the key master I lost the key and the dragon flew away after I opened the gates because I distracted myself from the task at hand. This was simply doing my job."

"I love the people in my dreams. They only break my heart because they aren't real and those people can only live in my mind...When I am awake I see figures and scenes of what happened and what could have been added to the story."

"MONACHOPSIS- the subtle feeling of being out of place. LOL ME ALWAYS."

"We're at the river today just chilling under a tree waiting for the people who put out their BBQ to come and start cooking."

"Hating always worrying about what is to come. If I just get things out of the way now then I'll be fine for later but doing things NOW takes a lot of effort to get started. MY MIND."

lovelytheband- Broken, Emotion
bleachers- Rollercoaster
5sos- If Walls Could Talk
(thanking Kenzie for some of my new favorite songs!)
Imagine dragons- Dancing In The Dark
TORS- Might Never Happen, Wilder Days
Declan J Donovan- Numb
Young Mister- The Best Part
(some of these songs that you should really listen to are linked!! Check them out.)


Friday, July 27, 2018

There's a CD that plays constantly in my mind. It's the one about you. What I love so much about this CD is that I don't have to hit play consciously to be reminded of you- the songs simply start playing. Each song is about the memories we made and they always come on when I need something to preoccupy my mind to the better days.


Friday, July 20, 2018

When I grow older I want to have a life that is full because I lived life as much as I could when I was younger. Aging isn't something I typically think about even though sometimes I have some grandma traits. However, I've been taking sociology of aging online as part of my studies SOOO living in ones later years has been something I have been thinking about more actively.

Last week the assignment for the class was to talk to a friend or family member about what aging is like for them. I chose to ask my grandparents what the aging process is like for them. One of the last questions had to do with what someone younger could do to age well.

"Eat well, do not worry or stress about little things, and ENJOY YOUR LIFE," those are the words my grandma pressed on me. Such simple advice with great meaning when I broke down why those things would lead me to a better life in my later years.

If I live a great life now I will have a great life later. That was the simple conclusion I came to after having had thought about her words. Instead of dwelling on what I could have done when I was younger when I am in my older years I will be thinking about the happy times or better yet be learning new things. The most important thing to do in order to age well is LIVE. This moment in my thought process was like an "AH HA!" genius moment.

LIVE NOW SO YOU CAN LIVE LATER. How great is one's life going to be if they are always focused on the next step of their life? If one lives in the moments they are given their quality life will be better. (wow I'm sorry this sounds like things you've heard of before)  One should enjoy what they are doing right now. Today and at this moment.

Hypertension, high blood pressure triggered by stress, causes health complications and can lead to a shorter life. Don't stress, my kind soul. Easier said than done, I know, but don't worry more than you have to. I take some of the pressure off by telling myself that situations are more dramatically played out in my mind and that everything will be okay.  The less stress in your life the longer you will live and the more at ease you'll be! Mental health is important.

And eat well! Eating well is the little hints my grandma gives me to take care of my health. Along with living life to the fullest, one needs to physically take care of themselves. Eating right and exercising are important steps to living a wonderful life. Having physical balance as well as mental are critical factors for living well.

but remember. Live now so you can live later. and I'm not talking about the kind of living that is going through the motions and lifeless. I am talking about the kind of living that makes you look forward to each and every day. The kind that sends chills through your body and smiles on your face.

AND A REALLY FUN ANNOUNCEMENT. My lovely and inspirational friend Elissa who was blogging at Letters To Jayna is moving blogs!! She will now be blogging at Dancing in the Rain! I am so excited for this wonderful soul to be launching her new blog. Make sure to take a look at her blog! Let's all head over there and welcome her to her new blog with warm words! (She is also a big part of the reason I am posting this post!)


Saturday, July 14, 2018

HIDING FROM THE SUN// I like big clouds that threaten to spill rain and air that's that forms goosebumps on my skin. To me, that kind of weather is more exciting than rays that abuse your skin and sweat that lingers. SO, THIS SUMMER YOU'LL FIND ME DOING ACTIVITIES THAT WILL KEEP ME OUT OF THE SUN. I've will be playing danger zone. Shade- safe. Sun- not safe.

I work as a gym facility monitor at my college. The job entails making sure the people who come to lift are safe, helping them when they get hurt, cleaning machines, and occasionally helping monitor special events. I'm pretty psyched to have an excuse to sit in an air-conditioned gym. I had the chance to work a dance try out even for our local basketball teams dancers. It was such an inspirational experience to see so many dancers chasing after their dreams.

SUMMER TERM// I'm taking classes this summer because I need more to do than sitting around waiting for something new to happen. I am taking sociology of aging online which sounds like a super fun class besides the fact that it's online. And another Health and PE class. With the degree I am going into, exercise science, it requires that I take many wellness-related classes so that I may be prepared for the job I decide to go into.

SPENDING TIME WITH GRANDPA//My grandpa came to visit with his significate other. I spent a lot of time in his presence going to places that all visiting family must go to. Like the Willamette gorge and the Oregon Zoo two of the most touristy places in Oregon. It was great spending some time with him.  

WRITING//I have big writing plans for the summer! Nothing is outlined or set in stone but I am making progress in my journal and working on little mini projects for myself. I am going to be making more time for writing soon because school and work have been the priority for the last three weeks.

PRACTICING HANDSTANDS + FRONT WALKOVERS//This one is a little scary. Not the handstands but the front walkovers. I have been practicing these two skills because I want to learn things that typically 21-year-olds think it's too late to learn. I often times think of smaller kids being able to learn skills like that but a few months ago when I did a really ugly front walk over I realized that age doesn't need to stop me from gaining new skills like that.

PUTTING ALL BLOG POSTS INTO A WORD DOCUMENT// This project was a priority of mine. I wanted to put ALL blog posts from when I started blogging in 2013 to about April 2018 in a word document. It was a lot of copying and pasting, listening to music, coffee, and hand cramps. The project took me several tedious hours to complete. I now have 240 pages of words in a google doc that I want to print, hole punch, and put in a binder. I loved reading through the comments from posts past. I think that's what made this project a slow process.


Saturday, June 16, 2018

I get asked this question all the time! Family I haven't seen in a while and friends I have reconnected with are usually the culprits of this question. They all seem to want to know whats been going on in my life- which is great and all but the question, "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?" sends me into a mental panic. When I am faced with the challenge of answering this simple not so simple question I spend a lengthy few seconds drafting what the hell I am about to say. "I've been up to too much! LET ME EXPLAIN." In my case explaining everything is always a mess.

WHERE DOES ONE START? With a question with so many possible answers to chose from which response do you chose to tell? You could spill out your life story but that might put grandma* to sleep or simply say there's too much to tell and leave others wondering BUT if you are enthusiastic about what you've been doing recently you'll want to share all you can with others. However, sometimes others don't have the time or patience to listen to everything unless they really adore you! The trick to answering this question in a manner that keeps the curious engaged is what I am going to share with you today.
*that, however, might not be an awful thing, in that case, go for it.

START WITH BULLET POINTS// Fill your lungs with air before you answer the question straight off the bat. Start by answering this question in the simplest of forms without getting into details about every single item on your to share list.

Here is my example of what this sentence should sound like:
>> I've been going to school, finding time to work on my blog, working, practicing how to cook, running relays, and enjoying the other million of little hobbies I have.

SEE! What you do is start with what you find the least entertaining to talk about and end your sentence with the things you want to talk about. This is setting up the questioner to ask questions about the things you most recently said and also hooking them by not telling all the details. (It's always beneficial to make yourself a mystery)

PLUS- if you don't want to explain to AUNT SUE about everything you're doing you could just leave it at that and ask her about what she's making for dinner but it's amusing talking about yourself so I'll encourage sharing!

WAIT UNTIL THE QUESTIONER  ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT THOSE BULLET POINTS// Que the questioner to ask questions by not talking until they do. Chances are they'll ask you to go into detail about one of the things you mentioned. Silence makes others uncomfortable and there forward triggers the other to respond. By giving out bullet points you are allowing the listener to chose what they want to hear about. They will choose something that they have a curiosity about which shall kee them and you engaged. AND TADA YOU AREN'T BABBLING.

Here are my examples of questions I MIGHT get asked:
>> What kinds of things are you learning to cook?
>> Where are you working at?
>> OOO! What other hobbies are you talking about?

EXPLAIN THE BULLET POINTS THE QUESTIONER ASKED ABOUT IN AS MUCH DETAIL AS YOU DESIRE TO SHARE// AND JUST LIKE THAT YOU HAVE MADE A BIG DIRECTIONLESS QUESTION A SPECIFIC EASY TO ANSWER QUESTION. Now, it's your turn to go into details explaining the things you have been up to recently. The big scary question is now a simple easy to answer one all thanks to bullet points and the questioner's curiosity in your life!

Go into as much detail as you feel is right when answering their questions. Tell that person how excited you have been about the things you have been spending your time doing. (or how much you need to change your habits! Hopefully, that's not the case!)

Here is what my response might be:
>> OH! Let me tell you about cooking! I have been more aware of the things I have been eating ever since I starting cooking. I try to eat foods that are clean now which means I try to avoid processed foods that come in packaging with lots of ingredients. It's really made a difference in how I feel. So, I have been cooking lots of greens and cooking things with garbanzo beans in them. A favorite food of mine to make is quinoa with veggies. I also make lots of stir-fries with coconut oil in them.

WAIT FOR APPROVAL OR MORE QUESTIONS// Either the questioner will have a question about the thing you just explained having done or comment in response to make more conversation. Or they might want you to tell them about the next thing they are curious about! Either way, you have successfully answered the question without a sweat. Complicated made simple and your life is easier now! The questioner is satisfied and everyone can move on to talking about themselves or bothering your sibling about their life journeys.

If you haven't it would mean a great deal to me if you subscribed via email to my blog! The link is in the sidebar! 


Sunday, June 10, 2018

Extended periods of isolation make me more susceptible to depression

Since freshman year of high school, I have gone in and out of phases of depression and anxiety. I have a hunch those phases, that lasted roughly three to four months, were triggered by traumatic stressful events and being too isolated. As a high school student, I was mostly timid which resulted in being less involved in social settings. I believe that for this fact I was more susceptible to depression. 

Every three to four months throughout the last six years, I have switched back and forth from what I call a shitty mood to a fantastic mood. A shitty mood is where I feel lost, quiet, fuzzy, unable to think, sad, and numb. When I am in a shitty mood I don't want to get together with friends, do things I enjoy, exercise, eat right, or go to public places like the store. A fantastic mood is where I feel content, motivated, inspired, friendly, upbeat, and emotional. When I am in a fantastic mood I want to do the things I love, be around people I like, go exploring, spend time dancing and exercising, studying and living. Normally, I switch back and forth between these moods every three to four months.

At the moment I am in a FANTASTIC MOOD. I've been feeling fantastic for half a year now. That's two more happy months than my average period of happy. Six months is a huge deal to me. That is one of the longest times I have been in a fantastic mood in the last six years. 


Being honest about my emotions* and being social**. I believe these two things are hugely helping my mind stay in a content state.

*implies: I am more willing to talk about my mental health with people I trust and being able to tell them I don't feel emotionally well when the times come around.

** means: trying to be around people who make me feel alive. Getting involved in a community that is supportive at college. Spending time outside of classes with others and keeping in touch with long-distance friends. 

Little periods of healthy alone time are dainty until I start thinking too much of it 

Allowing myself one or two days of uninterrupted alone time in which I am actively hanging out with myself is what I consider healthy alone time. Waking up to make breakfast then writing at a coffee shop while doing some people watching and course going to workout later in the afternoon and getting cozied up in blankets later in the evening is what a typical day with myself looks like. This is my favorite way to spend time with myself. I take a couple days out of the month to do that. And every day I try to do smaller things with myself like thinking, listening to music, writing, and dancing.

However, becuase I understand alone time makes me more susceptible to depression and anxiety my mind quietly worries about alone time. Am I spending too much time alone? After spending the majority of my time around people I overthink spending more than a couple of days alone. These thoughts are what ruin time alone. After a few thoughts come to my mind I can't help but keep thinking.

Late nights and long afternoons are a devil when it comes to healthy alone time. I am the least healthy when I let my mind think too much. Here is to all the people who deal with crappy thoughts after a certain time in the day. When I start thinking about the future or start dwelling on past situations I create anxiety for myself. I find it's best to wrap up alone time when it gets darkly emotional. 

The more time I spend alone the less able I feel I will be to interact with others (I get in my head)

ISOLATION MAKES ME ANXIOUS. One of the most difficult struggles I face when I am depressed and anxious is that I find it more difficult to have simple conversations with people. It's as if my shitty mood person forgets how to interact with people becuase I spent months avoiding any and all human contact. For this reason being alone for too long makes me worry I will forget how to interact with humans which makes me think my shitty mood will come back. THIS THOUGHT CREATES ANXIETY. 

Nevertheless, as soon as I start talking to others I realize I am not "broken" and can still function normally. Health alone time will become a long period of isolation if I am not aware. I am hoping that everything with my mental health keeps running smoothly. I am, of course, keeping in mind that isolation, honesty and a little alone time is working for me.


Monday, June 4, 2018

she is like the clouds you see overhead
grey and white
threatening to spill rain

sadness is what the sunshine brings the sky
all the clouds she settles in- gone
herself, gone as well
for if she is like the clouds on a rainy day 
when the sky is clean and pale
she is gone along with them
her soul numb to her emotions when the sky is cloudless
like the atmosphere that shows nothing when it's blue

the sunshine allows no impassioned clouds
no sparkling whites and no mute greys
she can't feel anything on a sunshine day
she's paralyzed along with the sky

her problems as invisible as the clouds
her feelings as hollow as the blue
her thoughts as superficial as the beams
the sunshine burning away the weight she once embraced and accepted
pretending she has no problems

she's less herself when the sunshine is out than 
when the clouds are overhead pouring rain
because when the clouds are out she recognizes that she is as complex as the world.


Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Health and Fitness Instagram// My main account is becoming health and fitness account with awesome motivational and inspirational posts! The feed has taken me a while to build since it's a lot of work to take high-quality pictures and post them every day of the week with a thoughtful caption that one can learn from. BUT it's been a pleasure! The feed these days feels very me which is pleasing! 

May Sickness// The second week of May, I got sick with bronchitis! I didn't know I could get that but when one is under the stress of life and school you'll get what you weren't expecting. What was funny about this whole thing was that I had to get well naturally. I was allergic to the antibiotics so for a week I drank lots of water, zinc and vitamin C, rest, and watched movies. Thankfully, it was a speedy recovery! 

Kahlid Concert//My very first concert was checked off this month! I went to see Kahlid with my sister and her friends. I was lucky and met up with some of my friends too! The concert was so much fun! Nothing to fancy, but just right. Lot's of singing, yelling and wondering who Pretty Much was. 

Working// I started a new job about a month and a half ago. I am now a gym facilities monitor at the college I attend. Which in short means I watch out for peoples safety and make sure they get what they need when they do get hurt. I love my job! We have some exciting events coming up that I will be working at. A modest change from playing music for open rec basketball at my college. 

"Some might say you should live in the moment but how can you do that when you have a feeling buried in your soul reminding you of the fear, anxiousness, insanity, and hopelessness you felt in the interval span of a month... My heart feels like it's healing with each time it crashes against the interior of my ribcage."

"And I wonder which of his stories made him close his eyelids and lean his heavy body against the window of the train."

"I can't go back in time and talk to the souls I've come across but I can pray for them. I pray that God does immeasurable amounts of good in their lives."



Idk Love -Jermy Zucker
Villans- Luca Fogale
Shawn Mendes- Shawn Mendes (I waited all month for this album to come out!!)

I AM LOOKING FOR SOME SUMMER PENPALS! EMAIL ME OR COMMENT FOR LETTER EXCHANGE ALL SUMMER. (or at least some!) I to share my summer journeys via letter with someone- anyone. And I want to hear about their adventures! Maybe we can start a group of people who write letters to each other? IDK GUYS. I like letters. Contact me! My email is on the contact page!


Saturday, May 19, 2018

1// Grandmas go to bed early. AND SO DO I! There isn't anything I love more than going to bed at 8:30 after a long day. THERE IS NO BETTER FEELING. This also means that Grandmas and I must stay home instead of going out with friends in order to go to bed that early. That's fine by me. I like my house. {This is the very reason my friends started calling me a grandma!} I'm Vanessa, I am also a grandma at heart. I can't wait to be an old lady.

2// We LOVE writing letters! I adore writing letters, it's one of my favorite grandma traits. I always feel like an old soul when I write letters because PEOPLE DON'T DO IT ANYMORE! I wish they did because it's so much fun writing letters back and forth instead of texting or emailing one another. I get as excited as a grandma would when she receives letters from her grandchildren who rarely ever write. (I was also that grandchild who barely sent letters to their grandma.)

3// Older folks complain about the younger generations. "What's wrong with these children?" My grandma would say. I would then roll my eyes and say, "I have no idea." As if I wasn't a part of THAT generation. There's something so comical about older people complaining about the younger generation. How they are rude and always on their phones. Also, why don't they talk?!?! The younger the generation the fewer communication skills they have. That right there is a problem. If I were to have kids I would raise them like I grew up. No internet just the woods and some walkie-talkies. I just went on a rant like a grandma would. I'm telling you it's what I do.

4// Grandma's wear colorful patterns. Ummm. 87 percent of the clothing I own has some kind of pattern to it. There's no use in wearing clothes with a solid color. It doesn't get attention. But what turns heads and makes me feel like a grandma is when I wear a patterned shirt with a wait for it... A PATTERNED SOMETHING ELSE. It's a magical thing.

5// They give unconditional love. This here is my favorite thing about grandmas. They give love no matter what. Although sometimes I can be a real downer about everything I feel that when it comes to people I can't help but love them. Even when they have said something that hurts me, or is upsetting to hear I won't hold a grudge. I will only love them more while hating that I can't be upset at them like a normal person would. BUT normal is boring, right. 
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