Sunday, June 18, 2017

LAST HOUR I AM 19

I have exactly 59 minutes until June 19 2017. The year in which I turn 20. I will have been on earth walking and appreciating this earth for two decades. Letting the sun kiss my skin and the moon feeds my soul with its light in the darkness.

There are so many emotions hitting me as I realize I have less than an hour until the day I was born. I was born at 19:32 on the 19 of June. In the dusk of the dark on a spring day. I was born in the last days of spring and in the last hours of the daylight Up until now, I have never taken the time to reflect this deeply. Emotions are on an all time high. I have so many emotions in me right now that they are spilling out on my cheeks.

I feel everything all at once with. Washed over with emotions is certainly the term for what I feel now. Let me explain. For the longest time this month I have been soul searching for an abstract conversation. The perfect conversations are done late at night with someone who is close to me. We would talk about things that were about life and the things about life would be thought about in the most honest matter. Little did I know, the urge for that conversations would lead to the one I am having right this hour with myself.

All these emotions and thoughts that are protruding into my mind are the most thought provoking kind. I am thinking about what it will be like to be 20? What my life will look like in five years? What it will look like in ten? I am looking forward to the future but at the same time, I enjoy this moment. Sitting at the coffee table in the kitchen with my mother remind me that we must go to bed and I have to stop writing. I myself am complaining to her because this idea I just had is brilliant. It's one I know I can stick to it for years to come.

I want to read this message every year and remind myself how important 19 years old me thinks it is to take time and reflect on the month of being a certain age before turning a new age, the week, day, hour and last few minutes.

I strongly believe that it is important (get this checked by Rodgers thoughts as I type this) reflect on life because taking the time to look back on what you have failed to do and done will make your future better. I want to be able to look at my life and acknowledge where I stood and stand. I need to see the progress in order to understand how to go about the future.

The past is almost like a cheat sheet into the future. Do the things that made you stronger, happier, and feel alive. Understand which experiences helped you grow as an individual and repeat them. And lastly, which happens to be one of the more important things, and confess to yourself in the most respectable and heartfelt way where you failed and could have done more. The things you didn't do as well for those things could have been eye opening even though they were never done. Like the thing, you wish you did and dwell on because you didn't do.

This is the secret to living the life you want to.

My 19-year-old self truly believes that reflection is the way to go.

Less than half and hour until I am 20.

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