Monday, June 19, 2017

FIRST HOUR IM 20

A tear rolled down my cheek as the clock hit 00:00 and it became June 19 2017. I won't say happy birthday because as of now I was still in the womb but this is my birth day which is more than important to me.

I've never been this emotional about a birthday. Maybe it's a little bit of the long hours I worked the past two days hitting me or staying up to late mixed I. With the Rebel my cousins brougt me from Dutch but hopefully it's just because I am realizing that as I get older life is becoming more important. These words and thoughts may sound sound silly and stupid to read in five years but as of right now the thoughts are very important to me. I'm sure you are able to understand that by my writing, Vanessa.

I was born today!

My spirits are high. I have a feeling today and the next decade to come will be amazing. No doubts they will have thier struggles. I can see myself crying hard about something the the future that is really unfortunate. That's a scary and shaking thought but I gave a feeling that will happen. One of the best days of my life will happen in the next decade regardless as well. Maybe ill be married before I reach 30. God granting of course but the thought of being married in less than ten years is truly mind blowing. A lot will happen in the next few yeas.

I'm nervous but at the same time so eager. Of course I'll be taking life day by day because that's the only way to fully live your life but I imagining what life might be like isn't a thing yiu shouldn't be allowed to do. It's fun and nerve racking. Right now I think I'll be a teacher but who knows if I will get the official diploma when I'm about 23. I am certain I won't stop dancing or taking pictures or talking to friends I love and care for deeply right now. But who knows. Only God.

God. That's something I'd love to change in the next ten years. Faith is hard. I think I can happily declare myself as faithful but I'm not sure if I can label it. Sure my family is Catholic and I got baptize and everything to date through the Catholic Church but I'm not sure if I'll still be Catholic in years to come. Who knows. Only God. And that's the thing. God doesn't have a set religion. God is universal but religions aren't. Like the guy at the gym said he is faithful but doesn't declare it under a set religion. I am so thankful for that guy he opened my mind. The simplest conversation made me question everything in the most positive and impactful way.

Simple things make me think. I pray that doesn't Change in the next few years. I think by the age of 20 you are a good prototype of what you will be like for the next year's to come. But I'll admit this to you. I'm still naïve. I can imagine myself reading this year's laughing thinking to myself. Oh if only you knew how much you'd change. I can only hope the change will be for the better.

This is the conversation my mind wanted. It's perfect. I am in bed now on my phone- the blogger app and I am realizing how thankful I am to just be able to write all these thoughts down. Even if it's on my phone though text it's being written down and these are the things that count.

Vanessa, please done stop writing things down. Please don't ever stop. I'll be disain you. I am thinking about me reading this as older me and trying to think about what i was thinking about when I was wiring this. Here it is: fast car by Michelle Collings is playing. Your leg is bent and the other leaning against it. Your phone screen is pink. Your eyes are seeing the screen of the phone in the oddest way. You've got a fast car so fast it can fly away. The song ends and you think about what you are thinking about which is nothing because the thoughts cancel out and hwy 18 by Mark Diamond starts to play. Put all my trust in the light above us hoping it takes me home.

Who do you think I am.  Who do you think you are. Do you think we will be? Oooooooo this song matches perfectly with the mood right now. I'm thinking too much but come to think about maybe not enough but come to think about it I don't wanna stop just yet- the song. God knew this song was for me. I truly believe this was chosen by god. (Hahaha if I don't believe in God when I read this I will be rolling my eyes and laughing I bet) but either way I'm laughing now because of that side note.


15 minutes until it will have been an hour into June 19 2017.


7 comments:

  1. Awwww this is such a sweet post! Happy birthday! Love you girl!❤️❤️❤️ Always remember Jesus loves you too. You are such a sweet, beautiful and talented person and he's gonna use you in great ways!

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  2. Happy birthday girl! I enjoy reading your reflections, and hope the next decade is everything you want it to be, and more. I like how honest you are with everything - your thoughts about God and religion. I agree with you. It's about a personal relationship with our Creator, regardless of labels. I pray these next years bring you closer to Him! xx

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  3. Wow this may be the best birthday post I've ever read. It's very in-the-moment which I love. <3 I know this is late but happy birthday!! :) I hope you had a wonderful birthday and I'm so sorry I couldn't comment on the day!

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  4. This is such a sweet birthday post! I love how open you are! <3

    Hanne || rockandminearls4him.wordpress.com

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  5. happy birthday darling!! I hope it was entirely wonderful and that 20 is a brilliant year for you! <3

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