Thursday, March 23, 2017

Surprising Myself


I love surprising myself.

Surprising myself is a hard thing to do because I know the kind of person I am, but every once in a while I do something that I didn't see coming. Being unpredictable and spontaneous with yourself is one of the most difficult things to do, but it is one best feelings you can experience.

Let me give you a little context. Winter term I took a writing class (writing 121) mostly because I needed the credits but also I enjoy writing and I wanted to improve. We did a lot of discussion based activities in the class and the same few people always participated. I was part of the reason the class had a low discussion rate.  I'll admit it, discussion, reading out loud, and talking in class, are things that make me nervous... still. I wrote three essays in the class and always had homework. College classes are so much work.

As the term was getting closer to the end, a few people noticed that on finals day we would be giving speeches. The thought of speeches made me uncomfortable but I didn't want to think too much about it. The time passes and the class before finals day the professor explained our speeches assignment. He wanted each of us to write a commencement speech to the class, and if you wanted extra credit, you could read it in front of the class. I thought that this would be a breeze.

Writing that speech was not a breeze, at all. The rules were wack. You needed to write a speech no longer than five minutes, start the speech with a line from the poem attached, use a semi-colon, write a 60-word sentence followed by a three-word sentence, and talk about three random things from the list that was also attached. I was close to pulling my hair out from the stress the commencement speech gave me. Though, somehow I managed to write it. I knew it wasn't a normal kind of speech but I gave myself credit for the creativeness.

I printed the speech on finals day before class. I thought, just in case I want to read it I have it. It wasn't my initial thought to read the speech to the class but somehow the idea seemed less and less awful the more I thought about it. Why not read it to a classroom full of strangers? All you have to do is read it and then you're done. There isn't much to lose. I slowly became more accepting of the possibility of reading it.

When class started and the professor asked who was going to read their speech the same few people who always talk in the class raised their hand. Everyone laughed a little when this happened since it was almost a given that they would read. But when the teacher asked who wanted to read their paper first no volunteered. I guess, being first is still something everyone fears a little. While everyone was looking at each other with questioning looks, I felt my hand shot up. My heart started to race and I started to think about what I just did. Did I just willing volunteer myself to read the speech first? Is this really happening? Yes, it was really happening. Why did I just do that? What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking. Why is my hand still up? I was freaking out. I considered putting my hand down but it was already too late. The professor looked shocked and I assume everyone else was too because who would have guessed that the quiet girl who hates talking in class would want to read her speech first. No one would have guessed. Not even myself.

I got up and sat at the front of the classroom. All I was thinking about was reading the paper and walking back to my seat where I could then relax again. I took a small inhale and started to read. Late comers walked in as I read but the room was silent. The only sound you could hear was my voice. My trembling voice read until the end. The professor made a few remarks when I was done reading and I hurried to my seat.

I couldn't tell you what the next person's speech was about because the only thing I was focused on was what I just did. There was a surge of energy and a great deal of disbelief. I was shocked that I did that. I'm not that kind of person but it felt amazing to be able to surprise myself like that. I felt empowered in that moment and it felt wonderful.

This is the point of view from a shy introvert. To anyone who enjoys talking and doesn't mind being the first to share what they wrote this story might seem a little silly but this is what goes on in a shy person's mind. Don't judge us (;

So, I write this in order to tell you to do things that scare you and surprise yourself. Life becomes more profound in the moments we least expected would ever happen.

20 comments:

  1. GO GIRL!!! Volunteering first to read or present anything is nerve racking. I sometimes do it and every time I do I just ask myself "Why? What are you thinking?" I'm so happy you pushed yourself and did something you never would do normally. You never know what can happen when you surprise yourself :)

    Kathlyn | Kathlyn's Korner

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    1. Aw thank you! I'm glad to see you can relate to this story! Thanks for stopping by

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  2. NICE!!! Okay this is so relatable though, this is me every time we have to read speeches or give presentations in class.
    <3 So proud of you

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    1. I wish this was an easier thing to overcome but it inst!

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  3. So awesome! You go Vanessa :)

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  4. I hated to give a speech too in front of a group of people. I remember when I spoke for a debate in front of all the high school students for the first time. Scared me to pieces. I took out my glasses before my debate and even then I could feel the heat rising behind my neck when I went to stand in front of the mike. But it all turned out well in the end! That little incident has helped me speak and be a part of discussions a lot more when I joined college, although there's still so much more I can do to improve! Congrats on your speech :D

    -Kathie K
    Half A World Away

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    1. Oh my gosh, I would be nervous about this too but you did it and it turned out well! Nice job! (; Thank you as well!

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  5. Congrats!!!!! I loved this post!
    Blessings,
    Kara
    P.S I tagged you over on my blog - if you don't enjoy reading or tags I didn't know so pretend it didn't happen. =) https://savedbygrace7.blogspot.com/2017/03/tag-im-it-bookish-tag.html

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    1. Thank you! & Thanks for thinking of me!

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  6. I love this, Vanessa! Speeches are hard, but once you get them over with you feel a sense of accomplishment and surprise, because maybe it wasn't as hard as you thought it would be. This is amazing. I love the way you write! <3<3<3

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    1. They really are but they are rewarding to do if you don't make a total mockery of yourself ahah! I appreciate this comment!

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  7. I've never had to do much speaking in front of large groups, but the very few times, people have mistaken me as someone who actually is comfortable doing that sort of thing. But I have a lot of admiration for those people who aren't comfortable with that and end up doing it a lot. Good work!

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    1. You luck girl! At least to look confident is a great thing! Same here, although most the time those people who don't mind speaking are a little out there haha still love them though!

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  8. *applause* Yes! Go you! So proud of you and this moment (: It can be totally nice to step out of the introvert shell every now and again!
    Have an awesome week (:

    xx
    Stephanie
    strictlystephanie.blogspot.com

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  9. wow this is awesome, go you!!
    this is something that scares me so much but this helps me realize it doesn't have to be so scary.

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  10. That's so cool! I'm so proud of you!!

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