Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Neighborhood Walk {Fall}









HELLO. For the longest time, I have been trying to figure out how to put text that isn't a blue underlined link under a photo that didn't have space under it. Does that make sense? Do you know what I mean? Disregard this note if you don't. Note: Write something in the link then deselect underline and link. It was that simple all these years? Blogger. 

I feel like some writing random thoughts that are totally irrelevant to these pictures in this post but before I go completely off topic let me share with you that these photos are the outcome of spending more time doing things that make me happy. I've been pushing to do at least one thing that makes me content every day and I have felt a lot better doing that. I feel more productive than I would if I were only to go to school and do homework. Postive changes.

There are two fall foods that I am in love with right now. The first one is oatmeal with almond milk, bananas, cranberries, and cinnamon. I've been eating oatmeal in the mornings to incorporate better health but I forgot how delicious it is. And the second favorite food is carrot and butternut squash soup. My mother made a soup so wonderful I will have to learn how to make it. A spoonful of the creamed orange soup feels like delicate velvet on my tongue. It's a really beautiful soup.

The Memory Keeper's Daugther by Kim Edwards is the most obscure book I have read. It's a book I didn't think I would get into but a chapter later I was hooked. The secrets, drama, and alluring descriptions have kept me reading. I look forward to reading more of the book every night. I forgot how relaxing it was to unwind with a book before bed.

My mood has been a lot better recently as well. I think it has to do with the little things I have been doing like eating good foods, reading, exercising, and just being in the moment. I feel like these things really are helping me feel not as dull as I have felt in the past weeks. I just need to keep doing things like this. 
 
I do have weird sleeping patterns I have been waking up randomly at night then not being able to fall asleep for a what feels like forever after I have waken up. Hoping I can sleep through the night without waking up soon!

I honestly can't think of ending words for this randomness. I'll end this post with a random question from a random question generator...

How often do you nap?
I don't. Naps to me seem like a waste of time! Unless I fall asleep in the middle of the day from pure exhaustion, you won't find me napping. I also find it harder to fall asleep at night if I have taken a nap.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Thankfulness Thursday

I'm thankful for sleep. When daylight's saving ended I found it was easier to go to bed at an earlier time. With the darkness approaching at sooner time the evenings feel long. I often find myself falling asleep an hour earlier than I have been. (I'd still be going to sleep at the same time if the time didn't change) Getting under warm blankets is the best feeling.

I'm thankful for music. A few days ago I tuned my ukulele and looked for some new songs to learn. I spent some time learning different chords and enjoying the sound of a newly tuned ukulele. What I did yesterday made me laugh. I YouTube searched karaoke and sang along to a few songs. I use to do that all the time when I was younger! It was funny to listen to my out of tune voice. I got a good laugh out of it.

I'm thankful for kind people. Today, I got onto the bus and saw that almost every seat was full. It's crazy scary to stand on a moving bus that makes abrupt stops. I walked to a girl who had a seat on the inside of her open and asked if I could sit there and she said it was wet. I thought I'd have to stand the whole bus ride but the girl pulled out a tissue from her bag and wiped the water off the seat so that I could sit down next to her. That was such a kind thing for her to do.

Make sure to check out Grace's Thankfulness Series!

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Rainy Fall Days








There is a difference between looking out the window through your own eyes and looking at a window through the lens of a camera. My eyes look at everything all at once. The lens of the camera allowed me to focus on the smaller details and blur out the rest.  I've been looking out the window a lot today. It's been raining non-stop for a few days now. When I pulled out my camera, I didn't think I would be able to take exceptional pictures from the inside of my apartment but I committed myself and took some photos that entertain my mind. 

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Little Things #47-67


47. Falling into deep REM sleep and dreaming
48. Cuddling in a heavyweight pile of blankets
49. Having a seat on the train
50. Colder weather 
51. Sweaters to cozy in 
52. Color changing trees
53. Making more prints
54. Seeing Jamie at college
55. Time to read on the train
56. Hugs
57. Jack Black lip balm
58. Sister and the stories she's telling me
59. October
60. Homework Thursday's
61. Countryside graveyards
62. Socks

63. Hot chocolate and corn tamales
64. Taking to Mom
65. Fishing homework early
66. Cold nights
67. Cloud watching 

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Feelings about College Year Two

The past three weeks I have spent a lot of time on my own and by myself. I've been isolating myself from the world and not allowing myself to grow by being in uncomfortable situations. I've always been a person who doesn't mind being by themselves. The problem with being so invested in your own bubble is that you get so comfortable that you forget how to go about life when you aren't in your bubble. 

I'm freaking out about doing little things ONCE AGAIN.

I have a lot of nervous jitters about starting my second year of college tomorrow. I feel silly admitting that but it's true! I feel like a first grader who isn't ready to let go of mommy's hand and walk into a classroom full of new people they don't know. This is something I wouldn't admit outside of this blog.

Thankfully, unlike last year I didn't make any last minute changes to my schedule or register late. (I learned from those mistakes) Fall term as of right now is seen as a term to get back into the swing of life. It's a time to learn how to be social again and redevelop good study habits. I just have to get past the awkwardness of the first couple of weeks and get over this feeling of anxiety I am having. 

As I read last years post on starting college I can't help but notice how dull I feel about starting college this year. It's not that I'm not excited it's just that worries and nervousness are taking over my thoughts. My mental game is at a whole different level and I just feel off. 

It's been a while since I have written on my blog about how I am feeling. It feels good to check in with myself and see where I am standing. I use to do a lot more of this kind of reflecting on my blog. This is good.

I do doubt with all the thoughts going in my mind that I will get a good amount of sleep but I am okay with that. I'll just deal with the drowsiness with a little bit of coffee. I've got my bag set for my classes tomorrow and my outfit picked out to help make tomorrow morning go smoothly.

Going to be the awkward for a while! Peace out.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Kinder by Caring



After I had met some people who struggled with mental illnesses I found myself wanting to be there for more people. I never understood how much of an impact mental illnesses have on someone's lives until I met people who struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders and other mental illnesses. These people opened my eyes to what having a mental illness is like and I am so blessed to have had that opportunity.

Mental illnesses make it impossible for people to stay present in their lives. They make everyday tasks into huge challenges so when someone has to deal with a lot of little tasks everyday one can become very overwhelmed. Staying present in their lives becomes a very hard thing for people to do when they are preoccupied with little tasks that become so much bigger.

Imagine living your life with worries and fears. Fixating over what people are thinking and being taken down by the thoughts in your head. That's a hard way to live. Living in the moment completely vanishes because you are living in the past or the present. It's a hard life to live.

It's important to show compassion to every human being because you never know what they are going through. It's hard for someone to openly admit they are struggling so by being there for someone you can provide them with a little bit of support to make their day easier. Different people will need different kinds of support so just because one thing doesn't work does not mean you should give up and move on. It's about treating everyone like friends so they feel comfortable and welcomed in this world.

Care for others by:
-Telling people if they need anything you will try your best
-Being friendly
-Offering a listening ear
-Sending little notes of encouragement
-Small acts of kindness
-Giving out hugs
-Respecting boundaries
-Telling people how much they mean to you

Suicide is one of the big topics when it comes to mental health but there is still a huge part of society that has a hard time talking about it. All mental illnesses can lead to suicide and that is a crazy thing. Simply said, show your support to every human being and you'll be able to help prevent people from taking their lives. It's all about being kind to one another. 

Don't forget about yourself. Sometimes we put so much focus on other people and things we forget to check in with how we are doing mentally. It's important to take care of your mental health too! Don't neglect yourself. Every once in a while do a check in to see how you are doing. 

Self-care check-in questions:
-How have I been feeling the past few days on a scale from 1-10?
-Have there been things on my mind that are drowning my thoughts?
-How have I been sleeping recently?
-Am I taking care of my personal needs?
-Do I spend time with positive people?

We all matter so much in this world so stay with us and make the world a kinder place. Care for one another and yourself so that we can strive as a community of human beings.

///

This post was inspired and written in dedication to Elissa. She reached out to a few other bloggers and myself to tell us about how important the topic of staying is in relationship to suicide. I was honored that she gave me the chance to help spread the message. I admire that she put all this together to get her message out! If you take a look at her blog, Letters to Jayna, you will find other works like this one as well as Elissa's story!

Monday, September 11, 2017

MONDAYS MATTER


Monday.

I know that a lot of people are not a huge fan of Monday because after a fun weekend no one is ready for the hustle of the week to come but Mondays are important! Without the proper attitude on Monday, the rest of your week will be lousy. Mondays need to be started off positively just like you need to start your mornings.

After the unhealthy habits of the weekend, Mondays are like a reset day. You can erase all the bad habits and start over on Monday but the first day of the week can really make or break the rest of the days to come. Mondays are the start of my fitness and health week. After getting active rest on Saturday and Sunday I make sure to start Mondays with a powerful workout and healthy eating habits!

If you are motivated to do good things on Monday you will be motivated to do good things the rest of the week!

Start off Monday with good habits that will carry on for the rest of the week. Whatever your goals are for the week to come start them on Monday. I can not stress how important it is to start your week with good habits.

Let's say you started off your Monday eating horrid foods as well as not working out. On Tuesday you'll feel less motivated to make good habits because you'll feel like you have already messed up what you thought might be a perfect week. So, when you get to Friday, your week will have been wasted and your goals will remain uncompleted.

This is why we need to make good choices the very first day of the week! So that you can feel powerful and inspired to reach your goals! This doesn't only apply to fitness and health matters, by the way! You can apply this Monday mindset to school and other things going on in your life.

The key to being motivated on Monday is knowing that Monday is the foundation for the rest of your week!

A good Monday equals a good week! I get excited for Mondays because it's a clean slate with lots of opportunities. Mondays to me are really no longer a dreadful day. I actually kind of like Mondays because I have redefined what they mean. They use to be a day I didn't like because nothing would ever seem to go right but now because I have a more positive mindset they aren't so bad.

Find ways to do good things on Monday and you will start to see how much better your week will become! It's all about a positive mindset on Monday and making good choices right from the get-go! This is why Mondays are so very important! 

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Wild Fires Columbia Gorge

I am about 60 miles from the Eagle Creek fire that is happening in Oregon and ashes upon ashes are falling down. It's crazy to think I am 60 miles away and the winds are blowing us little ashes to remind us of what is burning. The air outside is musky and smells of smoke. The sun is blocked by ashes and reflects orange light. Gray and orange are everywhere.

It makes my heart melt to think that the gorge I grew up hiking in has been touched by tremendous amounts of fire. What will it look like when I return? I imagine that the waterfalls will look sad without the trees that had once surrounded them. Gray and black ashes will be forever embedded in the soil. Beautiful land is being touched by something so powerful. It brings tears to my eyes to think of all that is being burned to the ground.

I only pray that the fire will be taken care of soon. I don't have many words just many worries and sorrow. 

Monday, August 28, 2017

GET EXCITED ABOUT MONDAYS ON MY BLOG

















Motivation Monday! Movement Monday! Mindfulness Monday! Metabolism Monday! Get Motivation on Monday on Simply Me!

Mondays on Simply Me will now be focused on health and fitness! The surprise is out!

For the longest time, I have dreamed about being able to inspire people to live a healthy lifestyle. I use to think the only way I was able to help people become healthy was to get a degree in nutrition or become a fitness coach but I have realized that's wrong. I don't need a degree to inspire people to make healthy choices and I most definitely do not need a degree to be an inspiration to others. I can inspire others by sharing my story and providing the motivation that others need to start making better choices when it comes to health and fitness.

Inspiration and motivation are two of the most essential things when it comes to accomplishing goals. However, inspiration and motivation are also two of the hardest things to keep accountable for. It can be difficult to be motivated to find inspiration and it can also be a challenge to be inspired to be motivated about health and fitness.

With that being said, I am here to help. I want to be able to provide others with the inspiration and motivation to make choices that their bodies will love.

Starting August of 2017 you will find inspirational and motivational fitness and health related posts most Mondays. At least two Mondays a month there will be an inspirational or motivational post. My intention is to add fitness and health to my blog but not overflow it with only that.

To help you get as excited as I am about this change I made a short and sweet promo video which you can check out above! I would love feedback on what kind of posts you'd like to see and on what you think! I hope you are as excited about this as I am! Let's start getting our Monday health and fitness muse on!

Thursday, August 24, 2017

List of Little Things #25-46


25. Making new nail polish colors
26. Getting sunshine
27. Staying up late
28. Cracking knuckles
29. Riverdale and The Night Shift
30. Zumba and U-Jam playlists
31. Alexia and Family
32. Laurens Burritos
33. Sprinting exercises
34. Sleeping in TOO late
35. Talking on the phone with EV
36. Watching the Solar eclipse
37. Signing up for Fall Term
38. Seeing blogger friends start college!
39. Sunsets
40. Ice water
42. Fitness photo shoots
42. Watermelon
43. Deep conversations with my family
44. AGT on Tuesdays
45. Being able to relax
46. Working on a surprise for the blog

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Coffee Guy

Coffee trickled down the floor of the bus. It moved in rhythm with the speed the bus was going as it drenched the bottom of my bag with bittersweet goodness. Peacefully my seat mate slept through the whole ride and only noticed his coffee intoxicated bag when he got off.

We exchanged glances and as he was about to pull his eyes away from me I kept those eyes on me, "Did you get coffee spilled on your bag too?"
"I did, you probably have more of it on your bag than I do." He said as he took a headphone out.
Looking at the bottom of his bag and mine I said, "I'm sure I do."

I watched his zombie-like figure walk to the cafeteria to hunt down breakfast. He sat down as I grabbed napkins from the cafe to clean the mess off my bag and I saw him out of the corner of my eyes. He sat down, put a headphone back in, and ate at 8:37 in the morning. I walked away wishing I could convince myself to walk back to him and say hello.

There was a reason I didn't walk back and say hello.

I saw him leaning against the window of the train. Scruffy, no hoodie, headphones, a familiar face. I smile twitched on my face when I saw his broken and beat up phone in his hand, it was him. It was him. I had seen him 3 times on the bus/train. This was my chance.

He got off at a stop that wasn't mine but I found myself walking off the train with him. I followed him to where I thought the bus was. When he turned around we made eye contact and I walked up to him.

"You go to my school, right?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said sleepily. 
"Weren't you on the bus when the coffee incident happened?"
He looked confused, "I drink coffee... yes?"
I laughed at the early morning confusion, "No I mean you were sitting next to me when the girl behind us spilled coffee over the floor? That's how I know you I think?" I knew that was how.
A spark flew to his brain, "Oh! That's right. It got all over!"

We shared a few laughs in the light of early day as we touched a few get-to-know-you subjects. Before I knew it I had obtained his number. Name Coffee. He put his first name and coffee as the last in my phone. Coffee because that is how I know him. As of now.

One day, I saw him sitting with his laptop at school. When I sat down next to him he closed his laptop and moved to face me. Taken back by the attention, I smiled tensely. We talked until his bus arrived and when it came he got up said his goodbyes. A gentle two squeezes on my shoulder telling me he will see me later.

How I miss those hazel eyes and soft touch of yours.

/////

This is a small true story that I found in my drafts that was yelling at me to post it. For those of you wondering, yes, this is a true story. I fell in love with the story of how I met this person. It was the most romantic story I have ever been a part of. Even though things didn't work out with Coffee and I I learned a lot through the experience and got writing inspiration from something as bittersweet as coffee. For that, I will be forever thankful!

Coffee, dark chocolate and life are three bittersweet things that I love.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Forget The Boys



Start a Relationship with Yourself! Did you know that being in a relationship can be much more rewarding than being in a relationship with someone else? There are so many reasons that being in a relationship with yourself is the ultimate way to go! But how does one start a relationship with themselves? To put it simply you have to start treating yourself better. This means paying attention to yourself as well as being more positive towards who you are. Like every relationship, you will have struggles but you will make it out stronger than before!

FORGET ABOUT THE MEN.
The first thing I had to do when I started a relationship with myself is forget about the men.* I was so obsessed with finding the one a few months ago that I forgot I could make myself happier than anyone could ever make me. I pushed aside the fantasies and started focusing more on how I can make myself happy. Of course, I still go around looking at pretty boys but I am not obsessive with my romantic fantasies. I advise anyone who is starting a relationship with themselves to put all eyes on themselves. 

If guys ask if I am an available date candidate I simply say no. I'm not single because I am in a relationship with myself. Once you feel confident about being in a relationship with yourself and the concept isn't as bizarre to you go ahead and tell people you're in a relationship with yourself. This line sounds very sophisticated. 
*or guys or boys. I feel like there is a huge difference between boys, guys, and men. However, they are all pretty dumb at times. Let's be honest girls!

START TREATING YOURSELF BETTER.
You are now dating yourself. So treat yourself well and go on some dates! Going on dates with yourself is an essential element to growing in a relationship with yourself. Just like going on dates with other people help you to get to know the other person better, going on dates with yourself will help you get familiar with yourself. If you commit to learning about yourself while on these dates.

At first, it might be a little weird to go to a coffee shop with yourself and call it a date but I can promise you it will become less and less awkward as you start to do this more often. You can go to the park, on a walk, to lunch, or to coffee and call it a date! As long as you are having fun being with yourself, you're all good!

ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE.
Now that you have devoted your time and attention to yourself start accepting who you are as a person. accepting yourself is all about being comfortable with yourself. This is done by spending time with yourself.

If you are feeling unmotivated there are lots of cute little pins on Pinterest about self-love. This is a super cute way to be inspired and motivated to love who you are. You can check out the board I started HERE.


GIVE YOURSELF COMPLIMENTS.
Just like you would in any kind of relationship you need to give out compliments! I like to compliment myself on things I have done well and things I like about myself. If you are as dorky as I am you can leave cute little messages and notes that remind you of how wonderful you are around the house or your room! What is important to remember is that you are worthy of compliments. Give them out to yourself just like you would to an individual you like, remember this is all about you and learning to love who you are!

Example compliments to give yourself: You're a brilliantly talented cutie! That outfit you are wearing is super cute! You're so smart! I love the way you think! I like who you are as a person!

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF.
Falling in love with yourself can be just as hard as falling in love with someone else. It takes time and patients. Loving yourself is one of the biggest challenges you will ever come across but once you learn to love yourself you will never go back. Give yourself compliments and start to accept who you are as a person. Loving yourself is a huge part of being in a relationship with yourself. When you love yourself in a relationship you can grow more.

I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed being in a relationship with myself. There is something so freeing about it that I really love and I have also become more confident in who I am as a person because of my journey. To anyone who is thinking about growing in their relationship with themselves, go for it. You won't regret trying it out. Give yourself a chance just like I have!

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Thursday, August 3, 2017

103 Degrees


It has been so heated in Oregon that my skin is oozing with sweat. My body becomes sticky as sweat melts out of my pores. One touch of the sun's rays and my body instantly seeps out liquid stress in an attempt to cool off. The creases of my body pool with wetness. Dark places become wet, my body starts to feel like it's melting, and standing in the sun becomes too intoxicating. I run to the shade. For a second I sit there drenched in my own defense mechanism. 

Hiding from the sun has its own problems. My sweat drenched skin becomes a desert made of salt. As the pools of sweat evaporate into the air, grains of salt are left behind. What was wet is now sticky and what became sticky will soon become grainy that is until my body gets too warm again. Then it happens all over again but this time sweat sinks into salt kissed skin.

The temperature in the little city of Portland has been worst than normal. Stepping outside of the house is like stepping into a plastic bag that was left in the sun. My nose filters the smoky air as my body attempts to settle into the heat. Settling is impossible since 103 degrees is not what anyone who was raised in the pacific north west is used to. 

I feel like an astronaut that has just landed on the earth after a very long trip in space. Taking steps is hard and slow. Gravity works against my body. The sunlight blinds my eyes as well. As I imagine the astronauts might have problems adjusting to the brightness after being left in the darkness for so long, so do I. Everytime I step outside I feel heavy and tired. I am unwilling to move in this heat.

Heat like this is unbearable. So I hide in a room with the blinds shut, the doors and windows sealed, and the fans on full blast. I am hiding from something so unfamiliar to me, the heat.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

I Was Not Myself

There's a part of my life I have been dwelling on recently. It's the part of my life that I had no control over. My body was taken by the drugs the doctors gave me that were supposed to help me but instead they made my life a complicated mess. Those drugs took over my mind and they made me do, think, and say things I would have never said if I wasn't under the influence of the drug that the doctors guided me to take.

My body was directed by medication that didn't sit well with me. I started to say hurtful things to the people I loved. I started saying nonsense to people I thought I loved. I cared about the wrong people. I hurt people around me. I went places I shouldn't have gone and I stepped over walls of safety. I did all these things that make me shiver when I think about them.

I am ashamed of the things I did when I wasn't in control. How could I not have been in control if I felt in control at the moment? How was it not me making choices? How?

As I found out later the things I did when I thought I was myself were influenced by a medication that drove my mind insane. I was me but I wasn't myself. I did things that weren't things the sane me would have done. I keep hoping that thinking about the fact that I had no control over what I did will make things better but guilt drowns me like an ocean would if you couldn't swim.

The hardest thing for me to remember is that I wasn't myself when I did the things I did. I want the memories of the things I did to vanish but no matter how hard I try to rub these memories away I can't. It's like trying to erase a pen mark with an eraser that is made for only fixing the mistakes of a pencil. The lines will fade ever so slightly, but will always be noticeable. The memories in my head are the lines written in pen that I can't erase. The only thing I can do is draw a more beautiful story out of a broken line but drawing that story won't be simple.

My mind has no off switch. It won't let my worries rest. It plays the same few memories like a broken record. Again and again, and if that's not enough once more. The only day dreams I have are nightmares of the past. I fall asleep to things I wish never happen and I dream of all the what if's as if I still had a chance to change things.

I can't change the past. I can only wish it was different. Understanding everything that happened isn't my fault is one of the biggest challenges of recovery. Trying to mend a hurt soul isn't easy. My soul is like a broken bone. It is fragile as it lays in a cast and tries to heal its self. My soul hopes that it won't get pushed again so it puts up barriers in defense. Like a bone takes time to heal so will my soul.

Slowly the tender memories and shame and guilt will fade. The pain will diminish as I start to get into the right mindset. Eventually, the shame will disappear and the guilt will no longer be there as I start to accept that what happened was not my fault.

I was not myself.

Friday, July 21, 2017

How to renew your vows to complete your goals this 2017

What are your 2017 goals? If you are anything like I am, at around this time of the year your goals start to slip away from you. Where as you were super motivated to get shit done in the beginning of the year now you are saying "oh whatever, I'll do it later" SHIT DOESN'T GET DONE ON IT'S OWN.* There isn't a later for accomplishing your goals. The time is now. You've got to re-motivate yourself around this time of year!
*excuse my language while I try to get my point across


FIND OUT WHAT YOUR GOALS WERE!
This is the place to start. I know it may seem kind of silly to find out what your goals were but sometimes we forget, we are human after all! You might have also made a list of goals and perhaps forgot the tiny goals you set for yourself. Go back into your blog or journal and find where you wrote down your goals for 2017. Read that entry out loud and remind yourself of what you wanted to accomplish this year. 

My goals for this year were simple. I never announced them because I feel as if goals aren't just for the beginning of the year but for whenever the time is right. In 2017 I wanted to get my side splits as well as start a stronger relationship with myself. One where I would work on loving myself and keep my mind solely focused on what I needed. As for the blogging world, I had a goal to share my journey of self-love with everyone as well as grow my audience. 

RE-WORK THOSE GOALS!
Depending on what type of goals you might have you might want to modify the goal so that you can successfully accomplish the goal at the end of the year. Let me say one thing really quickly, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH RE-WORKING YOUR GOAL SO THAT THEY ARE MORE MANAGEABLE. It might not be the same goal you started with but by accepting that you might need to re-work it you are allowing yourself to try again with more power and strength. Re-working your goals will make getting them done less scary and more manageable. 

WRITE THEM DOWN WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM!
I am guilty of removing the notes in my room that reminded me to stretch and love myself within the last couple of month. I got really unmotivated to work towards my goals. I got so unmotivated I threw my goals into a basket full of BS and said I'LL DO IT LATER* 

We can't do that anymore though! IT'S THE MIDDLE OF JULY! What we need to do is to write down our goals AGAIN somewhere where we can see them shout at us and tell us to get shit done.** Spend some time (after you have re-worked your goals) making pretty posters or cute notes of what you need to get done. Find a way to remind yourself of your 2017 goals daily.
*later happens the last few months of the year! It's awful but I procrastinate like crazy!
**AGAIN I apologize but I'm trying to get my point across to myself and unfortunately, this is the only way that might work. 

FIND MOTIVATION ON PINTEREST, YOUTUBE, FRIENDS, YOURSELF.
Motivation and inspiration are KEY! If you don't have the motivation to accomplish your goals you won't find or go looking for the inspiration and if you don't find or go looking for the inspiration you won't feel motivated. It works both ways, my friends.

In order to find motivation and inspiration, you need to do some hunting. Find your muse and find something that works wonders when it comes to feeling inspired. You might have done something like this in the begging of the year and now it's time to do it again! Make a Pinterest board, find some youtube videos about the goal you have, talk to some friends about your plans, or maybe just talk to yourself. Whatever it may be that will get you through the end of the year, DO IT!



RE-ANNOUNCE YOUR GOALS TO WORLD OR BLOGOSPHERE
Like you did in the beginning of the year write a post about your goals AGAIN. I know it might seem unnecessary but if you wrote on in the beginning on the year you might want to consider writing one again, now. Recapping your goals in the middle of the year will give you the same feelings and motivation it did in the beginning of the year.

WORK HARD TO MAKE THOSE GOALS HAPPEN
Now that you have re-worked your goals, found inspiration, made notes, and re-announced your goals there is only one thing left to do, WORK HARD. You are the only person who can help yourself with those goals, so give it your all. 

KEEP GOING STRONG UNTIL 2018*
You've got all the tools you need to accomplish those goals! Now, all you need to do is keep working towards your 2017 goals until 2018. I know that sounds a lot easier than it actually is but accomplishing your goals will make all the work worth it! You can do this!**
*Wow it feels weird to type 2018 AHHH we have about five months of the year left?! What is this?
**...if not there is always next year ;)

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Poems




LITTLE GIRL LOST
She cried about her stress
mad at the moon
happy for the stars
crying to the sun.

Lost In Orbit.
Flying like a butterfly
being like a rose
walls up as she went from
flower to flower
from topic to topic

Found.
peace in something far away
from her roots
little one helped

Helped.
by her, and others
will come out strong

Little Girl Lost
no longer lost
guided, found, hopefully
and pleased because she is
that butterfly
wandering ever so gentle.


TWENTY YEARS
I've walked along my blood
I have learned, grown, and become.
However, influenced by the nouns. 
They have driven me, taken my mind, and shifted my views.
My blood is not pure. I'm different.

I want to walk backwards. 
Take back, recollect, redefine me. 
Take off the mask and show what I thought I couldn't.
I must bare judgment for I will be stripped.
The only way is to move forward is to be 
cautious of the backwards steps.

LITTLE BLACK CROW
Did you know, you inspired me to write?
Did you know, you made my day better?
You made me laugh, you made me smile.
I was lonely until you came and trusted
that I wouldn't hurt you. Three feet away.
Whom would have thought we'd be friends?


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Welcome To V's About Page

Just me is my simple. Just me is only V and no one else. No one to tell me I can't do anything or I should think a certain way. When it's just me my life is Simple and that is how life should be! Simple. I also preach self-love and self-love is all about me. OR YOU! Simply Me use to be just a blog name but it's so much more now.

Simply Me is about Me. Who is V? Let's find out!

Cold fall days where the sun is the only thing that warms you. Spending time with myself and growing as an individual. Dancing alone at the tennis court. Lifting heavy at the gym, again, alone. Doing my nails when I am stressed. Finding time to write poems. Listening to mother nature. Being present in the moments shared with family, friends, strangers, and I.

Treat each human bean with the respect you would want. To listen to people when they need someone to lean on. Family first and before anything else. Hold your friends close and dear to your heart, friends can become family if you chose. Don't look back on the past if it isn't doing you any good. Don't dwell and don't worry about the future, you don't have any control over what happened and what will happen. God is good, and God will love you even if you don't love yourself. Love yourself first before anyone else.






Self-love is one of the most difficult things to learn to do but I can tell you that it is one of the most rewarding things to have accomplished on your own. Self-love is so important to me because it's made me a better person. Something so little and simple has a huge impact on my life and for the love, I have given myself I am thankful for. Self-love is something I will always talk about on my blog and will try to help every one of you achieve self-love. It is truly so dear to my heart.


People. Dance. Me. My family. Poems. Words. Self-love. Writing. Photography. College. Stories. Love. Friends. Adventures. Nature. Ice cream! Food. Pretty meals. Animals. Lifting. Running. Enjoying rain. Fall days. Earth days. Eclipses. The moon. The stars. The sun. The earth. The universe. God. 

I like hugs better than kisses. I am so independent that being in a relationship isn't something I enjoy. I have danced all of my life but have never focused on one genre of dance until college. College classes are so enjoyable. I rather date myself than someone else. I like myself if that isn't clear to you yet. Chocolate is my least favorite ice cream flavor, however, I love mudslide. 

Monday, June 19, 2017

YEAR 20 HOPES

Hopes for year 20. A little mini checklist because these are the things I think I will have done and want to do in the next ten years.

I've got 11 minutes to think of these. 00:49

Hopes and dreams and everything else I want to do in the next decade-
-see some of my cousins get married
-spend time with Lauren
-get a job I could see as a career
-dancing minor or major
-going to the gym to lift. Muscle gains or some type of gains
-clubbing
-going to some concerts
-traveling
-visiting and meeting Stefanie in Austria (you better still be in contact
-having a serious relationship
-married?
-wedding (seems so unrealistic)
-making huge improvements in lives of my family
-moving out of home (can't live here forever)
-not living at home alone
-publishing something
-still taking photos
- actively leaning
-major photo shot
-posting better blog content
-being semi blog famous.
-loving
-finding amazing new music
-working lots
-paddling in Hawaii (such a dream of mine)
-having thanks to God.
What will I think of this list when I read it when I'm 30?
- reflecting the same way as I do

If you want to do these things now you will want to do them for your 19 year old self. See technically I'm still 19 because it's not 19:32 yet(; hahhhh. When I read this at 30 it'll have been ten years since ive written this. My biggest fear is that my blog will delete so I need to print everything. SOOOOOON. You better have done that.

It's 59. An hour has gone by now that I type this. Success spell check will go over this tomorrow. Getting my sleep now. Goodnight love -01:00


FIRST HOUR IM 20

A tear rolled down my cheek as the clock hit 00:00 and it became June 19 2017. I won't say happy birthday because as of now I was still in the womb but this is my birth day which is more than important to me.

I've never been this emotional about a birthday. Maybe it's a little bit of the long hours I worked the past two days hitting me or staying up to late mixed I. With the Rebel my cousins brougt me from Dutch but hopefully it's just because I am realizing that as I get older life is becoming more important. These words and thoughts may sound sound silly and stupid to read in five years but as of right now the thoughts are very important to me. I'm sure you are able to understand that by my writing, Vanessa.

I was born today!

My spirits are high. I have a feeling today and the next decade to come will be amazing. No doubts they will have thier struggles. I can see myself crying hard about something the the future that is really unfortunate. That's a scary and shaking thought but I gave a feeling that will happen. One of the best days of my life will happen in the next decade regardless as well. Maybe ill be married before I reach 30. God granting of course but the thought of being married in less than ten years is truly mind blowing. A lot will happen in the next few yeas.

I'm nervous but at the same time so eager. Of course I'll be taking life day by day because that's the only way to fully live your life but I imagining what life might be like isn't a thing yiu shouldn't be allowed to do. It's fun and nerve racking. Right now I think I'll be a teacher but who knows if I will get the official diploma when I'm about 23. I am certain I won't stop dancing or taking pictures or talking to friends I love and care for deeply right now. But who knows. Only God.

God. That's something I'd love to change in the next ten years. Faith is hard. I think I can happily declare myself as faithful but I'm not sure if I can label it. Sure my family is Catholic and I got baptize and everything to date through the Catholic Church but I'm not sure if I'll still be Catholic in years to come. Who knows. Only God. And that's the thing. God doesn't have a set religion. God is universal but religions aren't. Like the guy at the gym said he is faithful but doesn't declare it under a set religion. I am so thankful for that guy he opened my mind. The simplest conversation made me question everything in the most positive and impactful way.

Simple things make me think. I pray that doesn't Change in the next few years. I think by the age of 20 you are a good prototype of what you will be like for the next year's to come. But I'll admit this to you. I'm still naïve. I can imagine myself reading this year's laughing thinking to myself. Oh if only you knew how much you'd change. I can only hope the change will be for the better.

This is the conversation my mind wanted. It's perfect. I am in bed now on my phone- the blogger app and I am realizing how thankful I am to just be able to write all these thoughts down. Even if it's on my phone though text it's being written down and these are the things that count.

Vanessa, please done stop writing things down. Please don't ever stop. I'll be disain you. I am thinking about me reading this as older me and trying to think about what i was thinking about when I was wiring this. Here it is: fast car by Michelle Collings is playing. Your leg is bent and the other leaning against it. Your phone screen is pink. Your eyes are seeing the screen of the phone in the oddest way. You've got a fast car so fast it can fly away. The song ends and you think about what you are thinking about which is nothing because the thoughts cancel out and hwy 18 by Mark Diamond starts to play. Put all my trust in the light above us hoping it takes me home.

Who do you think I am.  Who do you think you are. Do you think we will be? Oooooooo this song matches perfectly with the mood right now. I'm thinking too much but come to think about maybe not enough but come to think about it I don't wanna stop just yet- the song. God knew this song was for me. I truly believe this was chosen by god. (Hahaha if I don't believe in God when I read this I will be rolling my eyes and laughing I bet) but either way I'm laughing now because of that side note.


15 minutes until it will have been an hour into June 19 2017.


YEAR 19 REFLECTION

Starting off with low points of year 19 and transitioning into the highs of the year, month, week, day, hour minute, and second.

This year my lowest point wasn't as low as it could have been compared to other situations. What got me down while I was being 19 was hitting a phase where I disconnected with my father by being too honest and having that trigger a few months of consent anxiety and social isolation. This is what I need to get councilung for this summer. As soon as possible because I can not afford to continue to live life like this.

Life gets better from here. A lot better actually. The next unfortunate thing that happened this year was boys. I learned the hard way that relationships with boys is not something I want in my life right or a few months ago.

This lead to the all time realization of this year. I love myself. I can proudly & confidently say that I am in love with myself. I fund out in November that looking for a relationship was not what I needed. I needed to grow with myself before anything and anyone else. And that's exactly what I did. For this I am proud. It's one of the most rewarding things I did while I am 19. Spend money on me, love myself, get to know what I want, and what I dont. This is a high. I will always have myself and that's more powerful than anything else and anything anyone can give me. High praise. If you are thinking about taking time for self love in the future or when you are reading this, Vanessa, I want you to take the time to do wat you did November- June of 2017. I love you regardless. I know future you is doing great things and trying. If you aren't I'll be disappointed in you but I doubt I will be because you are smart and beautiful.

Family time. 19 was a year where I spent time with family more than anything. Up until now I am realizing how great family is. I spent the last couple hours of time that I'm 19 with my family and that's how I want it to be in the future. This as made me a better person.

These few things are thins that I put an eye too as I'm reflecting in the last two minutes that I am 19. It's a ridiculously crazy thing.

One minute and I kid you not I'm smiling as my eyes are filling with more water and tears. I can't believe that the 19th is almost here.


Sunday, June 18, 2017

LAST HOUR I AM 19

I have exactly 59 minutes until June 19 2017. The year in which I turn 20. I will have been on earth walking and appreciating this earth for two decades. Letting the sun kiss my skin and the moon feeds my soul with its light in the darkness.

There are so many emotions hitting me as I realize I have less than an hour until the day I was born. I was born at 19:32 on the 19 of June. In the dusk of the dark on a spring day. I was born in the last days of spring and in the last hours of the daylight Up until now, I have never taken the time to reflect this deeply. Emotions are on an all time high. I have so many emotions in me right now that they are spilling out on my cheeks.

I feel everything all at once with. Washed over with emotions is certainly the term for what I feel now. Let me explain. For the longest time this month I have been soul searching for an abstract conversation. The perfect conversations are done late at night with someone who is close to me. We would talk about things that were about life and the things about life would be thought about in the most honest matter. Little did I know, the urge for that conversations would lead to the one I am having right this hour with myself.

All these emotions and thoughts that are protruding into my mind are the most thought provoking kind. I am thinking about what it will be like to be 20? What my life will look like in five years? What it will look like in ten? I am looking forward to the future but at the same time, I enjoy this moment. Sitting at the coffee table in the kitchen with my mother remind me that we must go to bed and I have to stop writing. I myself am complaining to her because this idea I just had is brilliant. It's one I know I can stick to it for years to come.

I want to read this message every year and remind myself how important 19 years old me thinks it is to take time and reflect on the month of being a certain age before turning a new age, the week, day, hour and last few minutes.

I strongly believe that it is important (get this checked by Rodgers thoughts as I type this) reflect on life because taking the time to look back on what you have failed to do and done will make your future better. I want to be able to look at my life and acknowledge where I stood and stand. I need to see the progress in order to understand how to go about the future.

The past is almost like a cheat sheet into the future. Do the things that made you stronger, happier, and feel alive. Understand which experiences helped you grow as an individual and repeat them. And lastly, which happens to be one of the more important things, and confess to yourself in the most respectable and heartfelt way where you failed and could have done more. The things you didn't do as well for those things could have been eye opening even though they were never done. Like the thing, you wish you did and dwell on because you didn't do.

This is the secret to living the life you want to.

My 19-year-old self truly believes that reflection is the way to go.

Less than half and hour until I am 20.

The Next Decade

I want these last few minutes that I am 19 to be my own. To be in my own element with my own mind. Just me, myself, and I. I want an hour to reflect before I am 20 and an hour after I am 20 to think about how life has been, how it will change, and what my hopes and aspirations are. I need a soul-satisfying conversation with myself before I move the mountains and travel the seas.

For the next decade, I want to make a reflecting in the last hours of my old age and new age a tradition. The last few hours spent in the womb to the newest hours I spent breathing new air.

Within the next decade, I am to live, God grating, I will transition into a young woman to a woman. From 20 to 30. 10 to 20 went by fast and I was a child who embraced life. I can't imagine how fast 20 to 30 will go. The hours in my life are passing by before my eyes.

Times will be hard but they are said to be some of the most rewarding and soul fulfilling.

Here is to a new chapter. A huge milestone reached with many more which I am wishing to spend with friends, family, and myself.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Mini College Overview

I completed my first year of college! COLLEGE! A year ago I never thought that this day would come but it did. I have been out of high school for a year and have been finding myself in school. I feel as if I have grown so much because of the experiences I have had this year. Whether you are in college or starting it read this post for some inside edition information.

Starting with the basics! Classes!
Fall Term: Jazz, Art, First Aid, & Math 60
Winter Term: Yoga Dance Conditioning, Writing 121, Math 60, & Jazz
Spring Term: Hip-hop, Printmaking, Math 65

Classes overall!
Core classes are essential to complete. They can be a pain but I learned so much more from college writing and math than I ever did in a high school class. Paying for education can be worth it. Just make sure to check rate my professor when you sign up for classes! It pays off. I ended up with a bad teacher spring term for writing and dropped the class. Not worth paying for a class you don't enjoy. Take my word for it. It will be painful to sit through that class until you are so fed up with it!

Dance is amazing in college. I got lucky and got one of the most amazing teachers for dance. The people who I dance with are also all really friendly. Dancer friends at school make sure a wonderful tight knit group. Glad I got to have fun dancing and growing as a person in that class.

Now when it comes to art classes it's another story. Artist are most quiet which makes breaking their shell and making friends a little harder but if you do you will be glad you did. Printmaking this term was so awesome though!  A lot of work but I have some cool art projects that I really like. Post on the art soon!

Some of my favorite memories!
-The PCC dance show
-Meeting some cool people
-Riding the bus (feeling of small girl in big city)
-Exploring campus
-Staying to hang out with friends
-Funny teachers
-Donating blood for the first time
-New music
-People holding the door open for you
-Carpooling with a friend
-Ping pong with the soccer dudes

LESSONS LEARNED
Study and do your homework. This is so important in college as a high school student I never did homework but as a college student, I never missed an assignment. Homework makes good grades!

Talk to your teachers. This is important grade wise. Email, talk, let them know what's going on. It helps!

Don't be afraid to be by yourself. High school made it seem like eating alone was something bad but so many people are in their own world in college. No one cares about what you are doing. Do you.

Boys will be boys. Unless you are hitting on older guys in college. Which could happen *wink wink* boys are still the same ones they were in high school. Don't fall into the trap I did.

Love yourself. I think I learned to love myself because of the college flings that happened... or almost happened. You just need to go with your gut and do what feels right to you. No one else gives a damn. I learned that the hard way.

Be you and you will figure everything out and take your time as well!

But college overall is fun! Enjoy yourself, learn, grow, and be you.

Design by | SweetElectric