Saturday, July 15, 2017

Poems




She cried about her stress
mad at the moon
happy for the stars
crying to the sun.

Lost In Orbit.
Flying like a butterfly
being like a rose
walls up as she went from
flower to flower
from topic to topic

Found.
peace in something far away
from her roots
little one helped

Helped.
by her, and others
will come out strong

Little Girl Lost
no longer lost
guided, found, hopefully
and pleased because she is
that butterfly
wandering ever so gentle.



I've walked along my blood
I have learned, grown, and become.
However, influenced by the nouns. 
They have driven me, taken my mind, and shifted my views.
My blood is not pure. I'm different.

I want to walk backwards. 
Take back, recollect, redefine me. 
Take off the mask and show what I thought I couldn't.
I must bare judgment for I will be stripped.
The only way is to move forward is to be 
cautious of the backwards steps.


Did you know, you inspired me to write?
Did you know, you made my day better?
You made me laugh, you made me smile.
I was lonely until you came and trusted
that I wouldn't hurt you. Three feet away.
Whom would have thought we'd be friends?


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Welcome To V's About Page

Just me is my simple. Just me is only V and no one else. No one to tell me I can't do anything or I should think a certain way. When it's just me my life is Simple and that is how life should be! Simple. I also preach self-love and self-love is all about me. OR YOU! Simply Me use to be just a blog name but it's so much more now.

Simply Me is about Me. Who is V? Let's find out!

Cold fall days where the sun is the only thing that warms you. Spending time with myself and growing as an individual. Dancing alone at the tennis court. Lifting heavy at the gym, again, alone. Doing my nails when I am stressed. Finding time to write poems. Listening to mother nature. Being present in the moments shared with family, friends, strangers, and I.

Treat each human bean with the respect you would want. To listen to people when they need someone to lean on. Family first and before anything else. Hold your friends close and dear to your heart, friends can become family if you chose. Don't look back on the past if it isn't doing you any good. Don't dwell and don't worry about the future, you don't have any control over what happened and what will happen. God is good, and God will love you even if you don't love yourself. Love yourself first before anyone else.






Self-love is one of the most difficult things to learn to do but I can tell you that it is one of the most rewarding things to have accomplished on your own. Self-love is so important to me because it's made me a better person. Something so little and simple has a huge impact on my life and for the love, I have given myself I am thankful for. Self-love is something I will always talk about on my blog and will try to help every one of you achieve self-love. It is truly so dear to my heart.


People. Dance. Me. My family. Poems. Words. Self-love. Writing. Photography. College. Stories. Love. Friends. Adventures. Nature. Ice cream! Food. Pretty meals. Animals. Lifting. Running. Enjoying rain. Fall days. Earth days. Eclipses. The moon. The stars. The sun. The earth. The universe. God. 

I like hugs better than kisses. I am so independent that being in a relationship isn't something I enjoy. I have danced all of my life but have never focused on one genre of dance until college. College classes are so enjoyable. I rather date myself than someone else. I like myself if that isn't clear to you yet. Chocolate is my least favorite ice cream flavor, however, I love mudslide. 

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

I AM OKAY!


SO SORRY TO HAVE PUT YOU ALL THROUGH THINKING I WASN'T OKAY. BUT HERE IS THE THING. I THOUGHT I WASN'T OKAY TOO. BUT TURNS OUT I'M OKAY. I DON'T HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER OR HAVE ANXIETY.

I know, that's a huge shock after thinking for so long that I had those things. Thank you for your wishes and prayers, love, and support through that hard time. Thankfully your prayers got me through everything and I am okay now.

Scary to say but I really did believe I had those things. My mother, however, was a true believer in me and kept telling me that the doctors were wrong. Mom's are the best. I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me all along until I heard the term corticosteroid-induced mania from the doctor.

Long story short the doctors were lazy and diagnosed me with bipolar disorder just so they could enroll me in the inpatient treatment center but it turns out I actually just went into a manic phase because of a medication the doctors gave me for an allergic reaction. If you didn't make the connection yet here is it really straight forward. I don't have bipolar disorder and I am 100% okay and me!

Can't thank you enough for all the blessings that everyone sent me! Thank you so much! I appreciate every one of you so so much! Praying for each one of you. *

*Will still be touching on topics of self-care and mental health on the blog. Do not fear, that is still an interest of mine.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Too Tired To Come Up With a Title

IVE BEEN IN REHAB.

Okay, hold on. I know what you are thinking. WHY ON EARTH IS SHE SHARING THAT WITH US? Okay, here is why. BECUASE MORE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH. If there is one thing I learned while in mental rehab it was that having people who are there for you is important.

So, with that being said. Hello.

I'm V and I have anxiety and I am bipolar.

Let us help one another out. I'll help you by sharing the experiences and you can help me by showing support and love. Which a lot of you already did in the most recent post. THANK YOU ALL. LOVE YOU GUYS.

///////

I had been in the hospital for two weeks. TO SAY THE LEAST.  The first week I was there I was in and out of the ER and the second week I was getting mentally ready to tackle the world. It just so happens that I am home now. I have been home for an hour and 34 minutes to be exact. 

In that hour. I have awed at life and simply smiled because I got to shower, shave, do my makeup, and paint my nails. ALL STUFF I LOVE. Coming home after a mental retreat (I hate the work rehab, still.) has been lovely. The weather has been a shock but it's nothing I am not happy and excited about. A shock since I went from being in the air conditioned hospital to the apartment with no air conditioning. 

I'm about to watch the end of pretty little liars. I am soooo ready. I love this show and who is with me about that? if not... you have got to start PPL. WHHOOOP. Funny

///////

Now, it's the day after.  I am tired as shit. I sleep a ton and I don't do much. The only thing I have done today was going to the gym and lift. I think I am tired of seeing so many colors and smelling so many things. Boy was that hospital bland. 

Dream while napping: We wanted to take a one day trip to NYC just the two of us. My friend and her energy and me and my skepticism. Together we marched around an airport in clothes that made us feel like divas and tried to find a laptop too but tickets so we could go to NYC for a few hours and come back. "Are we really going to do this?" I asked. "Yes why not, we got this." The excitement was at an all-time high. But in the dream, we never found a ticket. We just went to jail and walked naked to jail. the clothing we took had set off a police hunt.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

WHERE HAS V BEEN?!

Ive been around. Ive been in the hospital  mending and healing my soul for about two weeks. Happy July!! And dont worry about me im fine just learning how to deal with recently diagnosed bi polar disorder and axiety. Its been hard but gods been with me.

July goals:

Learn to cope with mental illness- mental illnesses arent a joke but they also arent something thats so serious you have to hide them.

More posts on self love, mental health, and other deep shit- health and talking are important i know lots of you have anxiety dont worry about it. I have it too. Lets do this togther.

Love more

Love,
Vanessa

Monday, June 19, 2017

YEAR 20 HOPES

Hopes for year 20. A little mini checklist because these are the things I think I will have done and want to do in the next ten years.

I've got 11 minutes to think of these. 00:49

Hopes and dreams and everything else I want to do in the next decade-
-see some of my cousins get married
-spend time with Lauren
-get a job I could see as a career
-dancing minor or major
-going to the gym to lift. Muscle gains or some type of gains
-clubbing
-going to some concerts
-traveling
-visiting and meeting Stefanie in Austria (you better still be in contact
-having a serious relationship
-married?
-wedding (seems so unrealistic)
-making huge improvements in lives of my family
-moving out of home (can't live here forever)
-not living at home alone
-publishing something
-still taking photos
- actively leaning
-major photo shot
-posting better blog content
-being semi blog famous.
-loving
-finding amazing new music
-working lots
-paddling in Hawaii (such a dream of mine)
-having thanks to God.
What will I think of this list when I read it when I'm 30?
- reflecting the same way as I do

If you want to do these things now you will want to do them for your 19 year old self. See technically I'm still 19 because it's not 19:32 yet(; hahhhh. When I read this at 30 it'll have been ten years since ive written this. My biggest fear is that my blog will delete so I need to print everything. SOOOOOON. You better have done that.

It's 59. An hour has gone by now that I type this. Success spell check will go over this tomorrow. Getting my sleep now. Goodnight love -01:00


FIRST HOUR IM 20

A tear rolled down my cheek as the clock hit 00:00 and it became June 19 2017. I won't say happy birthday because as of now I was still in the womb but this is my birth day which is more than important to me.

I've never been this emotional about a birthday. Maybe it's a little bit of the long hours I worked the past two days hitting me or staying up to late mixed I. With the Rebel my cousins brougt me from Dutch but hopefully it's just because I am realizing that as I get older life is becoming more important. These words and thoughts may sound sound silly and stupid to read in five years but as of right now the thoughts are very important to me. I'm sure you are able to understand that by my writing, Vanessa.

I was born today!

My spirits are high. I have a feeling today and the next decade to come will be amazing. No doubts they will have thier struggles. I can see myself crying hard about something the the future that is really unfortunate. That's a scary and shaking thought but I gave a feeling that will happen. One of the best days of my life will happen in the next decade regardless as well. Maybe ill be married before I reach 30. God granting of course but the thought of being married in less than ten years is truly mind blowing. A lot will happen in the next few yeas.

I'm nervous but at the same time so eager. Of course I'll be taking life day by day because that's the only way to fully live your life but I imagining what life might be like isn't a thing yiu shouldn't be allowed to do. It's fun and nerve racking. Right now I think I'll be a teacher but who knows if I will get the official diploma when I'm about 23. I am certain I won't stop dancing or taking pictures or talking to friends I love and care for deeply right now. But who knows. Only God.

God. That's something I'd love to change in the next ten years. Faith is hard. I think I can happily declare myself as faithful but I'm not sure if I can label it. Sure my family is Catholic and I got baptize and everything to date through the Catholic Church but I'm not sure if I'll still be Catholic in years to come. Who knows. Only God. And that's the thing. God doesn't have a set religion. God is universal but religions aren't. Like the guy at the gym said he is faithful but doesn't declare it under a set religion. I am so thankful for that guy he opened my mind. The simplest conversation made me question everything in the most positive and impactful way.

Simple things make me think. I pray that doesn't Change in the next few years. I think by the age of 20 you are a good prototype of what you will be like for the next year's to come. But I'll admit this to you. I'm still naïve. I can imagine myself reading this year's laughing thinking to myself. Oh if only you knew how much you'd change. I can only hope the change will be for the better.

This is the conversation my mind wanted. It's perfect. I am in bed now on my phone- the blogger app and I am realizing how thankful I am to just be able to write all these thoughts down. Even if it's on my phone though text it's being written down and these are the things that count.

Vanessa, please done stop writing things down. Please don't ever stop. I'll be disain you. I am thinking about me reading this as older me and trying to think about what i was thinking about when I was wiring this. Here it is: fast car by Michelle Collings is playing. Your leg is bent and the other leaning against it. Your phone screen is pink. Your eyes are seeing the screen of the phone in the oddest way. You've got a fast car so fast it can fly away. The song ends and you think about what you are thinking about which is nothing because the thoughts cancel out and hwy 18 by Mark Diamond starts to play. Put all my trust in the light above us hoping it takes me home.

Who do you think I am.  Who do you think you are. Do you think we will be? Oooooooo this song matches perfectly with the mood right now. I'm thinking too much but come to think about maybe not enough but come to think about it I don't wanna stop just yet- the song. God knew this song was for me. I truly believe this was chosen by god. (Hahaha if I don't believe in God when I read this I will be rolling my eyes and laughing I bet) but either way I'm laughing now because of that side note.


15 minutes until it will have been an hour into June 19 2017.


YEAR 19 REFLECTION

Starting off with low points of year 19 and transitioning into the highs of the year, month, week, day, hour minute, and second.

This year my lowest point wasn't as low as it could have been compared to other situations. What got me down while I was being 19 was hitting a phase where I disconnected with my father by being too honest and having that trigger a few months of consent anxiety and social isolation. This is what I need to get councilung for this summer. As soon as possible because I can not afford to continue to live life like this.

Life gets better from here. A lot better actually. The next unfortunate thing that happened this year was boys. I learned the hard way that relationships with boys is not something I want in my life right or a few months ago.

This lead to the all time realization of this year. I love myself. I can proudly & confidently say that I am in love with myself. I fund out in November that looking for a relationship was not what I needed. I needed to grow with myself before anything and anyone else. And that's exactly what I did. For this I am proud. It's one of the most rewarding things I did while I am 19. Spend money on me, love myself, get to know what I want, and what I dont. This is a high. I will always have myself and that's more powerful than anything else and anything anyone can give me. High praise. If you are thinking about taking time for self love in the future or when you are reading this, Vanessa, I want you to take the time to do wat you did November- June of 2017. I love you regardless. I know future you is doing great things and trying. If you aren't I'll be disappointed in you but I doubt I will be because you are smart and beautiful.

Family time. 19 was a year where I spent time with family more than anything. Up until now I am realizing how great family is. I spent the last couple hours of time that I'm 19 with my family and that's how I want it to be in the future. This as made me a better person.

These few things are thins that I put an eye too as I'm reflecting in the last two minutes that I am 19. It's a ridiculously crazy thing.

One minute and I kid you not I'm smiling as my eyes are filling with more water and tears. I can't believe that the 19th is almost here.


Sunday, June 18, 2017

LAST HOUR I AM 19

I have exactly 59 minutes until June 19 2017. The year in which I turn 20. I will have been on earth walking and appreciating this earth for two decades. Letting the sun kiss my skin and the moon feeds my soul with its light in the darkness.

There are so many emotions hitting me as I realize I have less than an hour until the day I was born. I was born at 19:32 on the 19 of June. In the dusk of the dark on a spring day. I was born in the last days of spring and in the last hours of the daylight Up until now, I have never taken the time to reflect this deeply. Emotions are on an all time high. I have so many emotions in me right now that they are spilling out on my cheeks.

I feel everything all at once with. Washed over with emotions is certainly the term for what I feel now. Let me explain. For the longest time this month I have been soul searching for an abstract conversation. The perfect conversations are done late at night with someone who is close to me. We would talk about things that were about life and the things about life would be thought about in the most honest matter. Little did I know, the urge for that conversations would lead to the one I am having right this hour with myself.

All these emotions and thoughts that are protruding into my mind are the most thought provoking kind. I am thinking about what it will be like to be 20? What my life will look like in five years? What it will look like in ten? I am looking forward to the future but at the same time, I enjoy this moment. Sitting at the coffee table in the kitchen with my mother remind me that we must go to bed and I have to stop writing. I myself am complaining to her because this idea I just had is brilliant. It's one I know I can stick to it for years to come.

I want to read this message every year and remind myself how important 19 years old me thinks it is to take time and reflect on the month of being a certain age before turning a new age, the week, day, hour and last few minutes.

I strongly believe that it is important (get this checked by Rodgers thoughts as I type this) reflect on life because taking the time to look back on what you have failed to do and done will make your future better. I want to be able to look at my life and acknowledge where I stood and stand. I need to see the progress in order to understand how to go about the future.

The past is almost like a cheat sheet into the future. Do the things that made you stronger, happier, and feel alive. Understand which experiences helped you grow as an individual and repeat them. And lastly, which happens to be one of the more important things, and confess to yourself in the most respectable and heartfelt way where you failed and could have done more. The things you didn't do as well for those things could have been eye opening even though they were never done. Like the thing, you wish you did and dwell on because you didn't do.

This is the secret to living the life you want to.

My 19-year-old self truly believes that reflection is the way to go.

Less than half and hour until I am 20.

The Next Decade

I want these last few minutes that I am 19 to be my own. To be in my own element with my own mind. Just me, myself, and I. I want an hour to reflect before I am 20 and an hour after I am 20 to think about how life has been, how it will change, and what my hopes and aspirations are. I need a soul-satisfying conversation with myself before I move the mountains and travel the seas.

For the next decade, I want to make a reflecting in the last hours of my old age and new age a tradition. The last few hours spent in the womb to the newest hours I spent breathing new air.

Within the next decade, I am to live, God grating, I will transition into a young woman to a woman. From 20 to 30. 10 to 20 went by fast and I was a child who embraced life. I can't imagine how fast 20 to 30 will go. The hours in my life are passing by before my eyes.

Times will be hard but they are said to be some of the most rewarding and soul fulfilling.

Here is to a new chapter. A huge milestone reached with many more which I am wishing to spend with friends, family, and myself.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Mini College Overview

I completed my first year of college! COLLEGE! A year ago I never thought that this day would come but it did. I have been out of high school for a year and have been finding myself in school. I feel as if I have grown so much because of the experiences I have had this year. Whether you are in college or starting it read this post for some inside edition information.

Starting with the basics! Classes!
Fall Term: Jazz, Art, First Aid, & Math 60
Winter Term: Yoga Dance Conditioning, Writing 121, Math 60, & Jazz
Spring Term: Hip-hop, Printmaking, Math 65

Classes overall!
Core classes are essential to complete. They can be a pain but I learned so much more from college writing and math than I ever did in a high school class. Paying for education can be worth it. Just make sure to check rate my professor when you sign up for classes! It pays off. I ended up with a bad teacher spring term for writing and dropped the class. Not worth paying for a class you don't enjoy. Take my word for it. It will be painful to sit through that class until you are so fed up with it!

Dance is amazing in college. I got lucky and got one of the most amazing teachers for dance. The people who I dance with are also all really friendly. Dancer friends at school make sure a wonderful tight knit group. Glad I got to have fun dancing and growing as a person in that class.

Now when it comes to art classes it's another story. Artist are most quiet which makes breaking their shell and making friends a little harder but if you do you will be glad you did. Printmaking this term was so awesome though!  A lot of work but I have some cool art projects that I really like. Post on the art soon!

Some of my favorite memories!
-The PCC dance show
-Meeting some cool people
-Riding the bus (feeling of small girl in big city)
-Exploring campus
-Staying to hang out with friends
-Funny teachers
-Donating blood for the first time
-New music
-People holding the door open for you
-Carpooling with a friend
-Ping pong with the soccer dudes

LESSONS LEARNED
Study and do your homework. This is so important in college as a high school student I never did homework but as a college student, I never missed an assignment. Homework makes good grades!

Talk to your teachers. This is important grade wise. Email, talk, let them know what's going on. It helps!

Don't be afraid to be by yourself. High school made it seem like eating alone was something bad but so many people are in their own world in college. No one cares about what you are doing. Do you.

Boys will be boys. Unless you are hitting on older guys in college. Which could happen *wink wink* boys are still the same ones they were in high school. Don't fall into the trap I did.

Love yourself. I think I learned to love myself because of the college flings that happened... or almost happened. You just need to go with your gut and do what feels right to you. No one else gives a damn. I learned that the hard way.

Be you and you will figure everything out and take your time as well!

But college overall is fun! Enjoy yourself, learn, grow, and be you.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Graduate of 2016




One year ago. I was standing behind a curtain and hiding from a few thousand people until I heard my name being announced. "Vanessa Jacqueline Best." The jitters in my stomach walked with me to the front of the stage as I grabbed my diploma, made contact with the principles hand, walked down the stairs, and waved a symbolic empty diploma case in the air at my family.

I had made it. I along with 494 graduates, made it. Together we struggled through high school, made enemies, created drama, sat in countless useless classes, sat in the corner crying about assignments,  and lived in our developing minds. We also made friends, shared countless laughs, made memories to last us a lifetime, and grew as individuals.

I was someone who didn't know where she was going. I was lost. Missing in thought and at lost when it came to careers. Many of my peers knew where they were going, what they wanted to do, and I didn't know. Senior year made me feel so discouraged. There was too much pressure. It was an overwhelming amount of pressure and all though that year I wondered if it would ever get better.

Summer went by and I thought about what I might like to do. In fall I attended college and saw a lot of the people I graduated with, in the winter I took more classes and made new friends, and finally in Spring like the flowers, I bloomed. Took me about a year, but I figured myself out. I discovered that I wanted to be an educator and I want to help children, that I want to enrich their lives in any way that I can. The passion to teach had been there all along but up until now, I didn't know.

A year after I walked off that stage and life got pushed onto me faster than I wanted, I found out where I want to stand, who I want to be, and where I want to go.

This is for all my graduates, for all the students, for all my friends, for the people who didn't know me but stood with me for so long. For the people who know where they are going still, for the people, like I was, that are still lost, for the people who have found themselves. For everyone...

Take your sweet time.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

June Goals

Picture from today's adventure!
May. Is. Gone. It's self, May was a wonderful month.  A lot of great things went on during May that I am super stoked about and will keep close to my heart. I grew closer to myself as a person, started padding again, applied for a job, got the job, started training, ran a bunch, started lifting, ate good food and had a wonderful time meeting new and exciting people! It was great.

Two out of three of my goals were completed. I planned out my sister's dance and we performed it. I smile and squeal at how amazing the dance turned out every time I see us performing it. AND the dance she did with the boy turned out fabulous. I also ran a whole lot more! Think I added on about 15 miles this month and then slacked off towards the end to lift instead. AND the last one... eat less sugar. Can't lie- I did horribly on that goal.

/////

JUNE! It's my birthday month you guys! (June 19) I am turning 20 this year. Isn't that crazy. Actually, I found out that a lot of my friends have June birthdays which is really awesome. I will be spending a lot of time celebrating this month! This month started off SO well too! I went to the hot springs with my adventure buddy. Long story short: the one we wanted to go too was closed for cleaning so we had to find another one to go to. Regardless of what happened, or didn't happen, it was still a delightful day with lots of yummy food involved. I got so relaxed after soaking for an hour. Looking forward to what is to come this month!

JUNE GOALS!

Start working and work hard- My new job won't be easy! (Has anyone cashiered before?) I think it will for sure be a learning experience and could be something I enjoy doing! I a ready to learn, work hard and make some money (;

CELEBRATE- It's my birthday! June 19th is the day! (In case you didn't get that) I am ready to celebrate my friends birthday and mine. Should be a joyful month! My birthday month so I will be celebrating all month long! 

Be loving to myself- Summer is here which means I will have more time to hang out with friends but regardless I can't forget about myself. I still want to go on cute dates alone and spend quality time getting to know myself. Doing these kinds of things for myself have become a priority. 

GUYSSS! What were your yearly goals? I know that around this time of the year we forget about them! Mine are to love myself and to get the splits SO I need to keep those in my mind more and more! You need to do the same thing as well!

What are your tips for starting a new job?
What are you looking forward to in June?
Have you thought about your yearly goals recently? 

Saturday, May 27, 2017

List of Little Things #1-23

  1. 1.Waterfalls with Exploration buddy.
  2. Waking up early and feeling fresh
  3. Poetry by myself at a park with lemon water
  4. Warm ginger tea
  5. Coffee and Art
  6. Music. Rap/ Indie/ Punk
  7. Reading blogs in the morning
  8. Taking pictures
  9. Showing people how to take picture
  10. Offering to take a family picture at random places
  11. Sushi
  12. Flower crowns
  13. People watching at the park
  14. Iced TEA!
  15. Eye candy. (Yes, it is a summer must.)
  16. Ice baths
  17. Good food! Vietnamese with Tay and Sushi with A 
  18. Taylor! (Childhood best friend!)
  19. Dancing (as always)
  20. Paddling with the youth team!
  21. Sophie Winkler! 
  22. Boobs (Girls, you can relate.)
  23. Henna at PCC Indian fairs with massages and free food!
  24. Job Training day 1


MY FRIENDS! I just got a job (my first official one) at QFC as a cashier. I have got to say I'm going to be such a cute cashier it's not even funny at the moment. Other than that! Life has been good. I have been being respectably healthy with my mental health as well as physical. I have also been getting together with lots of wonderful people and meeting all kinds of wonderful souls here and there. I am excited about life! 



A small and sweet post before I go to bed! Goodnight everyone. Thank you for the love you provide me with by reading my blog. Whether you are my internet blogging friends (who I love so much) or my friends who have started reading my blog (I love you too!) Thank you! It means so much to me to have people here for me and interested enough in my life to read about it!
What summer things have you been loving?
Like any of the things on this list?
Give me blog feedback!

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

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