Friday, December 30, 2016

What 2016 Was Like For V

As this year is coming to its end I am beginning to reflect on all the events and experiences I have had in 2016. Even though, I am in disbelief and denial to the fact that this year is almost over, I still find myself reflecting on all the events and experiences I have lived through. A year is only 8760 hours and yet those few hours are enough to experience love and hate, good and bad, hardships and prosperity. I have gone through everything and nothing all at the same time.

I take a shaky breath of air in when I first think about this year and I get lost in all the emotions, and experiences that are now memories. I sit still sinking in my own thoughts. The beginning of this year hit me so hard I didn't have time to think about how to react. Every month for four months starting from January I lost one loved one. Unforturenly losing four people in the beginning of the year took over how I proceeded the rest of the year. Somehow the events of the deaths have followed me to this day and it has been difficult and straining.

Several other things were hard to deal with this year as well. Senior year of high school was finishing up and all the work I had to do during the year in order to graduate wasn't fun, senioritis was a pain. Although I told myself it was okay to fail anatomy (bad moral) since I didn't need the credit it didn't erase the torture of sitting through class listening to a teacher who was insensitive to everything. The months from January until June passed by slowly.

Emotions of mine also got played with this year. During a time when I was very vulnerable people found a way to take advantage of my emotions and I blindly let it happen. It was fun while it lasted but the lost of the people in my life that chose not to stick around haunts me.

I also think about all the things that have happened in our country and world this year. The shootings, the elections, Trump, the lives that are being lost, the Islamic, bomb threats and more. There are so many things that make this world a scary place.

At some point, I realize I have hit rock bottom with the thoughts that swarm in my mind. The cautiousness that I regain tells me to stop thinking about the negative and take a look at the glorious moments that took place in 2016. So with much anticipation to help myself I start to gather the great events of this year. I pick out those thoughts as if I am picking flowers into a basket on a warm spring day.

I remember that even though I have lost four people that those people are now in Gods Glory, watching everyone from above. I am happy for them to be in such peace.

My thoughts wander back to school remembering all the silly little things that I took part in. Being a part of the lazy T.A's at Terra nova, singing up for weight training and growing up to be a stronger person, eating lunch with my friend Jamie and talking about how we hoped to pass Writing 120 and of course graduating. Looking back on graduating it was one of the best moments I had this year. Something I thought would never came- arrived!

Summer was just loads of endless fun! After having major senioritis, a four-month break could not have been better. I cherished spending my time at home doing barely anything, going to the gym, going on little trips to the coast, making pasta for lunch with my sister while my mother was at work, enjoying the sunshine, and going on mini day trips. Summer was a much needed and a well spent break.

My first term of college also happened this year! I am going to college! It may be a small community college but just the fact that I have graduated and am now taking classes at a college is just enlighting to me. It makes me so feliz!  Every morning as I take the train and bus to school I get this feeling of lust. That I am a small girl living in a big city, and I can't deny that I am in love with the feeling. The people I have met at college have been such a game changer too. Everyone seems more genuine and high school feels get farther away from me. College has made me content this year.

I can not leave out dance. Dance is what helped me through the deaths and it has been such a positive influence on me this year. It is like I am free to express however I feel and this year I am more than happy to reconnect with it.
Finally, my fingers are typing words faster and my mind sparks from the excitement of the events that have happened this year. I forget about all the negative thoughts that were once in my head and I think about the great things that have happened. If there is one thing I have learned this year it is to look for the positive in a negative situation. You know, find the good in the bad. Through all the struggles this year brought me I had to force myself to find the good in the bad and I did.

It was also a time for reflection on my actions. I spend a lot more of my own time reflecting on the things going on in my life. Doing so has helped keep me more collective as a person this year. Blogging has really helped me see how important it is to look at your life like you look at a picture. Admiring every detail but paying more attention to what you find the most beautiful.

I struggle to find words to end this post. I think the reason why it's so hard to end is because 2016 doesn't feel over yet. I have been writing this post for three days now. I found this to be one of the hardest blog posts to publish because I know that as soon as I hit publish the reality of this year ending will be more surreal.

But

I am ready for a new beginning so I will hit publish and hope for the best.

27 comments:

  1. Beautiful. 2016 was a very strange year, and here's hoping 2017 will be a wonderful one! Kinda like the rainbow after the storm, right?
    All the love--
    Abby

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    1. I love that analogy. A rainbow after a storm like a good year after a rough one!

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  2. hey! Question. Are you doing 2 years at a community college or what? I'm gonna do 2 years at community college and get a Associates in Agriculture. A associates degree may not be much or a big deal to most people but I have autism and a heck of a lot of people with autism are developmentally not able to go to college and get any degree. Getting a Associates degree is gonna be a big deal to me. I am finishing up my senior year also. My grades are ok and i have became over there 3 years in public school (9th grade i was homeschooled.) a well known and fairly poplar runner. I am finishing up my final season of winter track strong and trying to push it as best i can.

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    1. I am! I think I might spend a little longer than 2 years there just because I do like to take my time and I am also not sure which path I want to go down. That is so awesome that you are going to get your associates. A degree is a degree no matter what and it counts! I wish you the best!!

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  3. This is so beautifully written! I'm so proud of you for getting through all the shitty things that happened this year & I'm glad to hear there were many good moments too :) I just graduated as well and I definitely agree - I thought it would never come but then the moment was suddenly there and it felt so surreal. In a good way though. I hope 2017 will be an amazing year for you, much love x

    Sara’sChapters

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    1. Thank you so much for all your support Sara! A year will always be filled with both good and bad! HEY! GRADUATION BUDDIES! I saw your post about it on your blog, I believe! Wishing you the best to come this year as well!

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  4. This is a great post, Vanessa. I have been thinking about 2016 lately and the majority of my thoughts were about how hard the last half of the year has been. But today I realized that the beginning of the year was amazing, and even in the hard part, I have learned a lot and have grown in my faith. I am thankful for 2016, even though it was hard. ♥

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    1. It makes smile to know you liked it! I am glad that you are able to see that even if a year is hard it can be rewarding! Let's make this year better than the last!

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  5. This is such a thoughtful and honest reflection of your year. I am so sorry that you had to go through such hardship in the beginning, but you seem to have come out stronger. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you.
    (also those pictures are really cool)

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    1. Thank you so much! No, don't be sorry. I for one am not sorry so you shouldn't be either! Ah thank you! The pictures were really interesting to take!

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  6. This is such a great post! And the photos went perfectly with your writings! Have a great New Year!! <3 Love you, girl!

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    1. Clara, thank you! Have a wonderful 2017! (just typed in 2016...)

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  7. Ah yes-- awesome words Vanessa. Loved this. Happy New Year <3 <3

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    1. Thank you Vivian! Wishing you the best!

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  8. "I am ready for a new beginning so I will hit publish and hope for the best." <---- Same, same, same. This post is so honest, and genuine. That's one thing I honestly love about your blog so much, V. You're so open and raw. It's beautiful.

    2016 was one crazy year I will say. I feel like in some senses, it was a very good year, but yet, in some ways, I don't know. I could like sit and cry probably. There were tough things that happened...and it was devastating. And honestly? I think that through those struggles I found out more about God. But yeah...so ready for a new year, a new slate.

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    1. That means so much to me Autumn! I do try to make things as real and open as possible! It really was a crazy year! 2017 will be a wonderful new start!

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  9. beautifully, written.
    so genuine. so lovely.
    i pray that your new year will be blessed...

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  10. <3 lovely heartfelt post. I can't wait to see what you've got in store for the new year, especially with all the growth you've had in 2016.(:
    Much love and godspeed,

    xx
    Steph

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    1. Thank you for reading! I can't wait to check out more of your blog this year as well!

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  11. I really liked this post and hope that 2017 is a much better year for you and more.
    Ranyel x
    www.nocaremoreflare.tumblr.com

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  12. I'm sorry that you had to go through so many rough things, but I'm so proud of you for getting through it all and being such a positive person. Love you so much, V.

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    1. Don't be sorry! It is what it is and I am not complaining! Positivity is something I will keep working on. Thanks for reading Grace!

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  13. That's awful what happened in the first four months of 2016. I know those kinds of years. Sometimes you stop trusting the good parts because you're so busy bracing yourself for the next bad thing. I hope 2017 is much better for you.

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    1. "Sometimes you stop trusting the good parts because you're so busy bracing yourself for the next bad thing" THIS IS SO WELL SAID! I really love how you put this into words. Thank you!

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  14. This post is SOOO GOOD!!!!!!!! <3

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