Friday, December 16, 2016

My First Kiss

13 October  2016
My world has been enlightened in the worse way possible. For years I have read about lovers kissing in books and enjoying electrifying moments. I have seen Cinderella get kissed by her prince and I wished that was me being kissed by a guy I loved. Kissing seemed glorious and sweet and it seemed magical until it actually happened.

I am writing this the day I received my first kiss. Since I was a little girl I dreamed of my first kiss being the kind of kiss where your lips tingle and your body hums and the kind of kiss that would have made your heart race. I'm not saying my heart didn't race because it definitely did. Trust me it did but at all the wrong moments. My heart wanted to jump out of my body right before I got kissed but it stopped once there was lip to lip action.

I'm surprised I'm not crying about this incident.

We stood in an empty stairway listening to our voices echo back and forth. As the time started to fade away we hugged and held onto the moment. Like in the movies, I heard his heart beat and listened to it steady until it sped up all of a sudden. That's when I knew something was about to happen. "I've never kissed anyone," he said in a soft tone. What I wish I didn't say is "Same here," because as soon as eyes connected he leaned in. I thought this is it! It's happening, this is perfect. It's finally happening! YES! WAIT!! NOOO! This isn't what's supposed to happen.

The kiss was a train wreck. It was awkward as stepping into a puddle of lukewarm water at the side of a pool. Ironic since the guy who kissed me happened to be a lifeguard. Moist, uncomfortable, clammy, and nothing like I dreamed of. My heart stopped beating as I found out there was nothing to be excited for. The kiss really did last forever. A painful five seconds felt like an eternity. 

I pulled back in pure disappointment and curled back in his arms defeatedly to ponder what just happened. I was trying so hard to calm my mind but I was not able to. Before I could do anything about it the frog-like lips inturuped my train of thoughts and kissed me not once but twice more after the first kiss. As if once was not enough.

"You're a great kisser," he said as we were walking down the hallways of college. "You're not." Is what I wish I could have said.

16 December 2016
About three months later I am ready to share this on my blog. I still have no idea what happened and if I learned anything from this experience it is that you shouldn't expect a lot from something that books and movies over exaggerate. I still love reading and watching characters fall in love but for now, romance and kisses are not for me and this is more than okay! 

Self love is so much more powerful and meaningful to me. 

That last sentence is a little hint to what you can expect to find on my blog in 2017!

29 comments:

  1. This is so intriguing! (and really well written... I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cringe, I sympathized...) interested to see what 2017 brings!

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    1. Why thank you! When I wrote it I had so many emotions running through my body. Thankfully it transferred into words well! You'll see soon! (;

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  2. Oh my gosh *hugs you* I feel so special that you trust us enough to share this. It's true though, I too have always pictured my first kiss to be magical and beautiful, but that's not always the case. I'm excited to see what you post this coming year. Self love is so important!

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    1. You guys are the most comforting people and I feel so comfy with everyone. I am excited to introduce some changes on the blog!

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    2. Awww <3 Seriously those it's true, the blogging community is like a giant fleece blanket. xD I love you guys all so much!!

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  3. Oh man, this still makes me want to laugh yet cringe. I can't wait to see what 2017 brings:)

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    1. I changed it a little bit! Thanks for dropping by!

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  4. Oooooooof let me say I connected on a deep level with this post (which was super raw and personal and I love that you were able to share it! <3). It's not magic, it's not perfect, it's not something out of a fairytale. Sometimes. Mostly the first time, anyways. In my case there was wayyyyyy too much tongue, like an obese slug tryna worm its way to the back of my mouth... >.< TMI I know LOL but just know that I stand with you on this topic XD Can't wait to see what's comin up on ze blog for this year! ....Also can't believe 2016 is (finally?) coming to a close....
    xoxo
    Steph

    strictlystephanie.blogspot.com

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    1. I am super glad you made a connection I was hoping I wan't the only person who had this happen to them! HA! Nope, by the way you are describing that kiss I totally get it! It is crazy how fast this year has gone by! Thanks for dropping by!

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  5. oh my goodness wow it would honestly take so much guts to post this, vanessa. *hugs* honestly this is something i really don't even want to think about for a while yet. like for me i just want to lay it all before God because He can orchestrate something better than what i'd ever dream of. He is so good and perfect and all I need. Christ alone :)

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    1. ALSO I HAVE MISSED SO MUCH ON HERE OOPS
      going to go watch your christmas vlog now bye

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    2. It is in the hands of God. I am happy that you will leave it up to him!

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  6. Ok, so I am married, so obviously well past the first kiss, but honestly, this is not an uncommon experience! It's all a part of the human experience, the cringing, the awkwardness, it's beautiful in it's own way... I hope you have a lovely 2017 full of growth. :)

    waltzandwillow.com

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    1. I like that you all the cringing beautiful in its own way. That's true and I am glad to have heard this from you! Thanks for reading this!

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! It's so personal, but you have no idea how much some of us needed to read this post. Thank you! The stories and movies always make everything so magical, but why does everything always end up being the opposite? I have no idea. Anyway, thanks once again for sharing this very personal story!

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    1. I think that the bad needs to be shared just as much as the good moments do. Of course we can't dwell on them as much but just to understand and get over them it's good to write about these things.

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  8. As always, love the way you wrote your post... made me feel all of your emotions! I hope your second kiss is a little better :)

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    1. That means so much to me! I hope so too!

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  9. Better luck next time?? It's terrible that such an anticipated moment was forever ruined.
    Your writing was amazing (as per usual), and I hope things are better for you next time (;

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    1. Thank you?? Haha! It is terrible but I learned from this.

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  10. Aw, you poor thing! I'm honored you shared with us. :) You're an excellent writer. And I can't wait to see what 2017 holds for your blog!!!!

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    1. I am honored that people get to read what I wrote and experienced! Although the blog idea is still rough I am excited as well!

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  11. I am both laughing and crying. My biggest fear in the world, is to be kissed and not feel anything. But I think what we can both take away from your first time experience, is that if it's not the right person, nothing will feel or be right.

    Don't completely write off kissing. Lifeguard boy was obviously wrong for you.

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    1. This comment makes me smile! Your fear does make a lot of since! Haha lifeguard boy wasn't the one... Thanks for stopping by and reading this!

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  12. It's so cool that you shared this with us!! I haven't had my first kiss, but like you, I hoped it would be like it was portrayed in romance novels and films. As I've gotten older, I've realized that most times, your first kiss is going to be awkward as hell. And that's okay haha.

    Kathlyn | Kathlyn's Korner

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    1. Haha I am glad that you have found comfort in the awkwardness. I am always open to sharing experiences like this!

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  13. It was fun to finally read this bit ON your blog! (:

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