Friday, December 30, 2016

What 2016 Was Like For V

As this year is coming to its end I am beginning to reflect on all the events and experiences I have had in 2016. Even though, I am in disbelief and denial to the fact that this year is almost over, I still find myself reflecting on all the events and experiences I have lived through. A year is only 8760 hours and yet those few hours are enough to experience love and hate, good and bad, hardships and prosperity. I have gone through everything and nothing all at the same time.

I take a shaky breath of air in when I first think about this year and I get lost in all the emotions, and experiences that are now memories. I sit still sinking in my own thoughts. The beginning of this year hit me so hard I didn't have time to think about how to react. Every month for four months starting from January I lost one loved one. Unforturenly losing four people in the beginning of the year took over how I proceeded the rest of the year. Somehow the events of the deaths have followed me to this day and it has been difficult and straining.

Several other things were hard to deal with this year as well. Senior year of high school was finishing up and all the work I had to do during the year in order to graduate wasn't fun, senioritis was a pain. Although I told myself it was okay to fail anatomy (bad moral) since I didn't need the credit it didn't erase the torture of sitting through class listening to a teacher who was insensitive to everything. The months from January until June passed by slowly.

Emotions of mine also got played with this year. During a time when I was very vulnerable people found a way to take advantage of my emotions and I blindly let it happen. It was fun while it lasted but the lost of the people in my life that chose not to stick around haunts me.

I also think about all the things that have happened in our country and world this year. The shootings, the elections, Trump, the lives that are being lost, the Islamic, bomb threats and more. There are so many things that make this world a scary place.

At some point, I realize I have hit rock bottom with the thoughts that swarm in my mind. The cautiousness that I regain tells me to stop thinking about the negative and take a look at the glorious moments that took place in 2016. So with much anticipation to help myself I start to gather the great events of this year. I pick out those thoughts as if I am picking flowers into a basket on a warm spring day.

I remember that even though I have lost four people that those people are now in Gods Glory, watching everyone from above. I am happy for them to be in such peace.

My thoughts wander back to school remembering all the silly little things that I took part in. Being a part of the lazy T.A's at Terra nova, singing up for weight training and growing up to be a stronger person, eating lunch with my friend Jamie and talking about how we hoped to pass Writing 120 and of course graduating. Looking back on graduating it was one of the best moments I had this year. Something I thought would never came- arrived!

Summer was just loads of endless fun! After having major senioritis, a four-month break could not have been better. I cherished spending my time at home doing barely anything, going to the gym, going on little trips to the coast, making pasta for lunch with my sister while my mother was at work, enjoying the sunshine, and going on mini day trips. Summer was a much needed and a well spent break.

My first term of college also happened this year! I am going to college! It may be a small community college but just the fact that I have graduated and am now taking classes at a college is just enlighting to me. It makes me so feliz!  Every morning as I take the train and bus to school I get this feeling of lust. That I am a small girl living in a big city, and I can't deny that I am in love with the feeling. The people I have met at college have been such a game changer too. Everyone seems more genuine and high school feels get farther away from me. College has made me content this year.

I can not leave out dance. Dance is what helped me through the deaths and it has been such a positive influence on me this year. It is like I am free to express however I feel and this year I am more than happy to reconnect with it.
Finally, my fingers are typing words faster and my mind sparks from the excitement of the events that have happened this year. I forget about all the negative thoughts that were once in my head and I think about the great things that have happened. If there is one thing I have learned this year it is to look for the positive in a negative situation. You know, find the good in the bad. Through all the struggles this year brought me I had to force myself to find the good in the bad and I did.

It was also a time for reflection on my actions. I spend a lot more of my own time reflecting on the things going on in my life. Doing so has helped keep me more collective as a person this year. Blogging has really helped me see how important it is to look at your life like you look at a picture. Admiring every detail but paying more attention to what you find the most beautiful.

I struggle to find words to end this post. I think the reason why it's so hard to end is because 2016 doesn't feel over yet. I have been writing this post for three days now. I found this to be one of the hardest blog posts to publish because I know that as soon as I hit publish the reality of this year ending will be more surreal.


I am ready for a new beginning so I will hit publish and hope for the best.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas {Short Poem}

Merry Christmas,
to you and to you! 
May your day be filled with joy and happiness-
but may you remember that our lord was born today!
Let us all be glad while we remember why Christmas is so important. 
Jesus bless everyone today and always.

Spend today with family-
the ones you love.
Spend today telling your family that you love them.
I love you.

Spend today with your mug of hot chocolate always full 
and listen to the songs that ring Christmas this time of year.

Spend today and every day adoring the little things.
neatly wrapped gifts,
thoughtful people,
wonderfully decorated houses,
delicate snow,
and more.

Be thankful and grateful.
Merry and Cheerful.
Blessed and Content.

Have yourself a Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Winter Break Lately...

Watching- The Mindy Project I have been watching this show non-stop it's the only thing I am watching at the moment. As well as lots of youtube videos! Check out Hannah's youtube

Reading- The Moon & More I adore Sara Dessen's books and I picked up this one two days ago on a trip to Powells. Everyone's posts as always! I have been loving Vivian's blog and all her blogmas posts!

Listening- to Mako! I just discovered Mako and their music is amazing! Phenomenal.  Smoke Filled Room by Mako is a song you MUST listen to and I am making it easy to listen to this song. Just click on the link!

Writing- Christmas letters to friends (photo above) nothing like the feeling of putting mail in the mailbox and hoping the letters get to your friends in time. I might have sent the letters four days before Christmas hoping they will arrive Christmas day... I have also got back into the habit of writing down my dreams. They keep getting weirder and weirder the more I write them down.

Eating- lot's of white rice, salad, homemade power bars, eggs, and of course ice cream!

Working out- My legs, arms, and abs. Pretty much the normal for me. The other day I created a leg workout and it shredded my legs. If any of you want this workout just comment and I will reply with the killer workout.

Wearing- comfy clothes. Anything comfy you can think of I am probably wearing. Sweatpants, yoga pants, PJ's, sweaters- if it's comfy I am wearing it.

Watching- the snow fall and then being trapped inside for four days!! I love the snow but this was a little overwhelming for myself.

Not wearing- anything I can't move in.

Staying- at home while I enjoy being extremely introverted the first week of break. I have been on break for a week now! That brings me a little sadness!

Thinking- of a blog plan for 2017. Don't get too excited because the layout will most likely not change but the content will vary a little.

Ignoring- most every guy and watching the news.

Jamming- to older pop songs that were fun to dance to four years ago.

Trying- to learn a hip hop routine from youtube... it's really difficult. Hip hop is not where my roots as a dancer are.

Stressing- about creating my winter college schedule. The time frames for the classes I want to take and need to take are off. I have a gap I need to fill this is also something I am putting off.

Wishing- I was exploring the world in a meaningful way.

Spending- an unhealthy amount of time with my sister. I feel like in three weeks to come we will be just plain sick of each other but for now we are golden.

Needing- to play the violin and ukulele. It has been so long since I have played the violin. I just don't have as much time as I use to! (says the girl who's been sitting at home the past week)

Calling- my dad whenever I get the chance. I am trying to call him more often since I don't see him as often as I should.

Laughing- At all the Christmas meme's out there! Some of them are so funny. Lauren (my sister) has been sending me a daily dose of meme's and they are just the best.

Anticipating- WINTER! It is now officially sweater weather season. I am also kind of excited to see what winter break holds for me.

Feeling- kind of unmotivated to do anything productive. I have been taking it easy for the past week. Also feeling content with the fact I have time to be with myself and I.

Enjoying- writing this post.

Wishing- that each of you is embracing the holidays and spending this time doing what you love and with the people love.

Friday, December 16, 2016

My First Kiss

13 October  2016
My world has been enlightened in the worse way possible. For years I have read about lovers kissing in books and enjoying electrifying moments. I have seen Cinderella get kissed by her prince and I wished that was me being kissed by a guy I loved. Kissing seemed glorious and sweet and it seemed magical until it actually happened.

I am writing this the day I received my first kiss. Since I was a little girl I dreamed of my first kiss being the kind of kiss where your lips tingle and your body hums and the kind of kiss that would have made your heart race. I'm not saying my heart didn't race because it definitely did. Trust me it did but at all the wrong moments. My heart wanted to jump out of my body right before I got kissed but it stopped once there was lip to lip action.

I'm surprised I'm not crying about this incident.

We stood in an empty stairway listening to our voices echo back and forth. As the time started to fade away we hugged and held onto the moment. Like in the movies, I heard his heart beat and listened to it steady until it sped up all of a sudden. That's when I knew something was about to happen. "I've never kissed anyone," he said in a soft tone. What I wish I didn't say is "Same here," because as soon as eyes connected he leaned in. I thought this is it! It's happening, this is perfect. It's finally happening! YES! WAIT!! NOOO! This isn't what's supposed to happen.

The kiss was a train wreck. It was awkward as stepping into a puddle of lukewarm water at the side of a pool. Ironic since the guy who kissed me happened to be a lifeguard. Moist, uncomfortable, clammy, and nothing like I dreamed of. My heart stopped beating as I found out there was nothing to be excited for. The kiss really did last forever. A painful five seconds felt like an eternity. 

I pulled back in pure disappointment and curled back in his arms defeatedly to ponder what just happened. I was trying so hard to calm my mind but I was not able to. Before I could do anything about it the frog-like lips inturuped my train of thoughts and kissed me not once but twice more after the first kiss. As if once was not enough.

"You're a great kisser," he said as we were walking down the hallways of college. "You're not." Is what I wish I could have said.

16 December 2016
About three months later I am ready to share this on my blog. I still have no idea what happened and if I learned anything from this experience it is that you shouldn't expect a lot from something that books and movies over exaggerate. I still love reading and watching characters fall in love but for now, romance and kisses are not for me and this is more than okay! 

Self love is so much more powerful and meaningful to me. 

That last sentence is a little hint to what you can expect to find on my blog in 2017!

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Winter Wonderland Photoshoot

WHOS GETTING SNOW!? I AM! It snowed last Wednesday and it's snowing today! I walked out of my last college final and opened the doors to it snow. I almost skipped out of my math final being relieved to be officially on winter break so when I saw the snow I actually did bounce a little in my step. Snowflakes are still falling. 

Everyone gets so freaked out about the snow in Oregon! We aren't used to getting snow so when it does snow the roads get crazy and the people get wild. No one knows what to do. There are about 4 inches of snow (which is a lot for Oregon) The news makes four inches of snow sound like war. So over dramatic and I love it.

I have been sitting on the couch for a few hours catching up on everyone's blogs while I watch the snow fall and listen to the nutcracker. The other day I realize that I do nothing but blog related things for fun on my laptop. My hobby is an obsession. But anyways, I feel so at peace knowing that I am on break at last! I feel like I can breathe and recover from a busy term. 


Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Q&A Winter/Christmas VLOG!

GUYSSSS. This vlog *points to the vlog above* is so worth watching. ONE it's about me and Christmas. TWO it's only 6 minutes long. AND THREE you can watch how awkward I am in it. PLUS! Brownies and french toast to those of you who find my editing mistake! (I doubt you will find it but there is a part in the video that does not follow the pattern *wink*)

I had spent about 30 minutes trying to find the right angle to film but the 50mm lens wasn't helping me in my room so I pulled out the wider viewed lens I had. This video was 16 minutes long and I had to edit it down to at least 10 but I got it down to 6. Who knew that times flies when you are talking to a camera... I was rushed while filming this as well as sick. BUT I DID IT.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful December. What are you guys currently up to? I have been sooo busy with finals and I can't wait to be done- but you don't want to hear my finals rant. One more to go and I am done. Okay okay I'll move on.

Moving on...

I keep thinking that if anyone who kind of knew me found this video that I would be perceived as the girl who only has good friends on the internet and likes to talk in front of a camera to virtual people who may or may not care to watch this... These are so different from vlogs. ALSO if any of you are doing vlogs LET ME KNOW! I want to watch them!

Peace out blog squad!

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Finals Week// Holiday List

There is fear in my eyes is because it's finals week. You hear me right. FINALS WEEK.  And I'm not looking forward to finals week what so ever. The only thing I am waiting for is for it to be over so that I can be on break.

I need to survive college finals only so I can make it to winter break.

Holiday break- it sounds as pretty as jingle bells sound. The time where I can sit at home, be creative, see friends, and not worry about any related to tests, exams, grades, or school. PLEASE COME SOON. If I wish for one week to fly by, it's finals week!

So, I put up a list of things I am looking forward to doing during winter vacation to motivate me to get through hell week!

sleeping in
looking at the Christmas tree
posting the QandA vlog
going to coffee shops
buying/making gifts
filming videos with my sister
seeing friends 
sweating during my workouts
eating yummy food
seeing Christmas lights
wasting time( The Mindy Project)
New years
painting my nails
watching movies
coming up with quality blogging material 
chatting with bloggers
sending mail
talking to a missed friend
...the list goes on

Thursday, December 8, 2016

A Childhood Memory

Sooooo I could be copywriting my own work? My 12th grade English teacher had so many things to say about copywriting but this is a memory that is dear to me that I wanted to share.


In Oregon, the snow can fall all winter long, bringing both excitement when it does and disappointment when it doesn't. A snow storm hit in 2008 right after winter break, which meant we were fortunate enough to get a couple more days off school. For a few days it snowed, followed by a light rain which turned the snow into ice on the ground like a blanket over a bed. I remember the excitement that storm brought and with it the fond memories of playing with my best friend, Taylor. We had a great time making snowmen, giggling at the sound of fragile ice being stepped on, and sledding down the icy driveway. The sleighs we used was the type you would see in black and white classic movies; the old ones made of wood with metal rims.  Wind prickled my face as I zoomed down the ice covered driveway with Taylor sitting behind me with her arms wrapped around my waist, screaming for me to stop at the bottom, and praying for us to be alive to endure another ride down the hill on the sleigh. Sledding was the highlight of that week. As much fun as it was playing outside we were eager to gather with friends and family in the coziness of a house warmed by the fireplace. Taylor and I spent time sneaking cookies into our pockets, drinking excessive amounts of hot chocolate, and dancing to Christmas music with full tummies. To add to the joyous feelings we were experiencing, the thought of not getting up early the next day to go to school was like the frosting on a cake.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Winter/Christmas Q&A I need Questions!

Happy holidays my friends! 

As you all read from the title above, I will be doing a Q&A holiday Vlog! However, to make that happen I need everyone's help to come up with some questions that you want to hear the answers to! This won't take a lot of your time and will bring some joy into my life! Any and all winter/holiday questions are welcome! From favorite songs to how long I have been working for Santa! 

Thank you for helping me out lovelies! 

By the way- Winter photoshoot? I am having bloggers block if you haven't noticed! 

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