Sunday, August 14, 2016

What You Don't See

I feel like I have dual personalities, which according to my horoscope is right. This little fact is something I have always kept to myself. The few people who do know about this know the struggle I have had trying to figure out which of my personalities is me or rather which one is me in my normal state. Am I the overly energetic adventurous person or am I the quiet, cautious, and thoughtful person?

Freshman year is when my personalities decided they would like to complicate my life. I went through times where I would talk to everyone at school, feeling super confident! Energy would dance through my body as I searched for someone to excite me!! Sneaking around feed my soul, and never thinking twice before jumping off a cliff gave me pleasure!!!

I felt alive.

Until I became aware of the things I had done.

Regret would flood over my body, sadness would seep in, and tears would leak out only to be soaked back in. My mind fixated on a few simple questions. What have I done? Why was I like that? Why am I like this now? The questions swirled in my head and blurred my mind. Simple conversations would seem to last an eternity as I would have to force my brain to think about responding. Everything tired me out, but the thoughts that lurked in darkness of my mind kept me awake. Who are you? What did you do? Why are you so different now? 

I switched personalities like this for two very long years, until things started to mellow out. Are you okay? Which use to be a question I got asked often started to be answered less and less for I seemed okay for the most part.

One of my biggest fears is slipping into this phase again. It still happens, but it's never as bad as it once was. I have learned to control this and not let the energetic side of me get too wild or the overly careful and thought thinking side take away my life like it once did. 


Both of these personalities are mine. I have accepted that. These are two sentences with powerful meaning to me because until this very moment I have never wanted to talk about this or wanted to accept both personalities because I though I could only be one, but two can be put together to make one.

////

Everyone has something they don't share with lots of people, something that makes them uneasy, or keeps them up at night. I want you to share these things because no one has it all together even when it looks like their life is perfect. There is almost always something that is hiding inside of someone knocking on the door from within wanting to be let out. Share these things. Not Only for yourself but for others too. 

It would mean a lot if you made a post in the similar format. 
-Hannah - Grace - Sarah - Raquel - Vivian - Julia - Autumn - YOU-

46 comments:

  1. Here's a hit: the whole section contains writing and words they are just the color white.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I won't lie, I was VERY confused for a second.

      Delete
    2. Honestly, I got it right away..... The title was perfect because when I saw the 'blank' post, I IMMEDIATELY drew my cursor over the page. Beautiful idea.

      Delete
    3. I'm so glad you did get it right away I was worried people wouldn't get it. But I hoped the hint helped them.

      Delete
  2. Love everything about this post. Definitely wanna try this, because, like you said, everyone struggles with something that isn't necessarily visible on the outside. Much love and thanks for sharing <3
    ~steph
    strictlystephanie.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! You should try this I would love to see what you write about.

      Delete
  3. Oh wow- V this is so powerful and I love the way you formatted it. I reloaded the page so much because I thought it just wasn't loading haha. I definitely want to do this, I just have to think of something I would be brave enough to share... Hopefully I will get up the courage. Love this post-- you are so inspiring and such a bright light I can't even tell you enough <3 <3
    -Vivian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry about the frustration but maybe it's all in the process, maybe you can be frustratedabout not seeing the "real" parts of someone but when you do you become more understanding towards the person.

      Please go a post like this if anything comes to mind I would love to read it.

      Delete
  4. YOU GAVE ME THE CHILLS I got the chills from this, omigosh it's such a cool idea and I love that you did this. <333

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU! I was going or hauntingly beautiful and relief.

      Delete
  5. WHAT A GREAT IDEA OH MY GOSH THIS IS AMAZING

    ReplyDelete
  6. Everything about this is infinitely beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So, do you mean it's like you have a bipolar disorder or something? And by horoscope, I see it, you're a gemini.
    i do felt that when I was younger. But I regard it as just a phase when I was searching for my trueself. I'm actually a quiet person, but then feel like I should be more louder, and I was louder. Now, I do think I am both, but more of a quiet person when I am with people I don't know very well, and louder when with the ones I am very close with.

    XTiara
    http://awaveofvellichor.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A disorder is never really what I want to label it as since it's harsh but I might be. I just don't know.

      Through all the comments I am learning that it's more common and I love the support I've been getting. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

      Delete
  8. Oh my I love how you did this post, although it took me a while to figure out.

    I think I understand how you feel to some extent, as in sometimes I feel so loud and extroverted and I talk to everyone and say such stupid things; and then sometimes I become quiet and am on the verge of ignoring people just because I don't feel like talking. And then there's the self doubt that comes with over analysing your actions of the day. I think that having different moods is normal, and it's okay now that you've mellowed out.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's kind of the point of this post. It takes a while to find out these kind of things.

      It's good to know that other people have experienced something similar, maybe it's just human nature. Self doubt and over analysing your actions can really get the best of you.

      Thanks for all the love and support.

      Delete
  9. I relate to this - sometimes I wonder what my personality really is, how do I define myself? So I appreciate you having the courage to share, Vanessa. You're an inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awe thank you this comment touched my heart.

      Delete
  10. Oh my goodness I wrote a whole entry in my personal journal about this. I love this so much, I will definitely be writing a post of my own.
    Thank you so much for sharing this, it was a pleasure to read.
    All the love,
    Hayley xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am looking forward to reading your post like this. I'm glad you enjoyed this.

      Delete
  11. Whoa! This is so cool! I was sort of confused at first though.

    I love this! Keep up the great work!

    With love and all joy,
    Allie D.
    www.alliesblogdesigns.blogspot.com
    www.friendlovesatalltimes.blogspot.com
    www.sevenbloggersandtheirdolls.blogspot.com
    www.sincerelyallied.blogspot.com
    www.spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Confusing isn't a bad thing in this case. Thanks for stopping by Allie!

      Delete
  12. GAHHH THIS POST. <3 Seriously there is so much depth and beauty and meaning here. Thank you for sharing this stuff -- it can seriously weigh on your mind after a while, I know from experience. The parallel of the meaning of this post and then how it's written in white... like bro. <3 wow. IT'S FLAWLESS.

    I really don't know what else to say other than I've felt like this a lot in the past, and I know that someone saying that they can relate doesn't really help me at all. SO THAT BEING SAID, I'M SENDING LARGE VIRTUAL HUGS. <3 <3 <3

    abbiee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my thank you!! Depth and meaning is something I was aiming towards and it looks like I got that across. I'll be smiling all day now. THANK YOU!!

      Sending hugs your way too.

      Delete
  13. WOW THIS POST IS BRILLIANT!
    I love how it's written and the whole idea about sharing a secret, sort of.

    I've experienced what you have explained in this post, but to far lesser extent than you have. All I can say is, congratulations on accepting yourself just the way you are. That's the hardest part and I'm happy for you, that you've overcome it.
    I truly believe that, only after acceptance can there be space for improvement.

    Love,
    Saee
    Sojourning Skies

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so happy someone understood the whole secret thing! (: YAY!

      Comments like yours are the best they leave me feeling good about myself and how far I have come as well as letting me know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

      Delete
  14. I'M ON MOBILE AND IT WONT LET ME HIGHLIGHT TO READ IT AND UGH

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha sorry about that! Take a look later!

      Delete
    2. YAY I HAVE MY LAPTOP AND I CAN READ THIS BRILLIANCE!

      Oh my goodness Vanessa. I love this so much. The way that you formatted it really was brilliant. You write with such a beautiful honestly, and this really struck me. This is something that I've felt before, too. Lately I'm too cautious, and I feel like I can't ever do anything. But then in other situations, I have tons of energy and can be super extroverted. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. Maybe it's just a part of growing up? Whatever it is, thank you for sharing, Vanessa. I'll definitely be putting together a post like this of my own:) <3<3<3 So much love for you.

      Delete
    3. YAAY FOR THE LAPTOP! THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING TO READ THIS!!

      Awe your comment is so sweet, I am glad it made you think about things. Maybe it is a part of growing up, maybe you are right about that. I however don't know but I will let you know when I find out! I can't wait to read your post similar to this one!

      Delete
  15. You write so beautifully, and the format of this post had me confused for a little while! It's such a clever way of writing the things you find more difficult to say, and I would really love to try writing in this way, too! :) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dottie. Thank you. I am always a little insure abouty writing but it's been seeing to go alright. The confusion part is all part of the post! Glad you figured it out. You should definitely write something like this on your blog.

      Delete
  16. The authentic, honest way of opening yourself up (not to mention this cool post format) really inspired me.

    Because I feel similarly. I don't have it as extreme as you, but this freshmen year challenged me because I would go and go and go, visiting and laughing and doing. But then I wouldn't want to get out of the house and I needed time to myself, time to think, cry, and ponder at things. This teeter totted confused me, but how you addressed the issue made me think. Maybe both of these moods are good and can be sued by God.

    You have a new follow and friend here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Hannah! It's always wonderful to find new friends on my blog!

      Thank you for the sweet and really sincere comment. You are more than right that God can help with accepting these kind of things. Confusion sometimes is best written to become more understanding of why things are happening.

      Going to check out your blog if you have one!

      Delete
  17. Oh my gosh Vanessa!! <3 I *Just* got this post!!! It's so beautiful, and raw, and perfect! <3 Thank you for being willing to share. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  18. *FREAKS* omg. you bloody genius this is so perfect and lovely and fabulous and THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU VANESSA. my internet is acting up so for a minute i thought it hadn't loaded then i saw the hint and freaked out. It was so beautiful, honestly, you write in such a magnificently thoughtful fashion and I am so in awe of you right now. I think I should definitely try this <3

    Love, love, love <3

    Anne // www.aportraitofyouth

    p.s soz for the blog spam i'm having a good wee catch up and LOVIN' IT (why is your blog so beautiful?? :P)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are the sweetest I mean it. I am glad that you enjoyed this post for it's one I feel really really proud of and will probably do more of when I want to share more secrets. I really hope to see something like this on your blog too. Thanks for catching up with me <3

      Delete
  19. I love this idea, I wish more people would do ones like this.

    ReplyDelete

Design by | SweetElectric