300 Writing Prompts with V

Monday, July 15, 2019

20:01
If you had to give a character a really, really unusual name, what would you choose and what would it show about their personality?
Ah, unusual names! My mind is going blank. Tabitha.

She'd be a quirky female character with a kick of spice in her soul. In the book, she'd come off as a girl who'd get in your face when she didn't agree. "Oh, that's Tabitha! Yes, Yes, she is indeed picking flowers off the mayor's lawn and scattering the petals on his deck in an X shape." She'd be sweet if you got past her shell.

What would you like to put in storage?
There's a couch with brown handles and yellow, green, and blue patterns in the corner of my room that I'd love to put away. See, no one sits in it. It got moved to my room becuase we didn't have enough room for the Christmas tree last year but it never got put back down when the tree got put away. The couch sits alone in my room.

However, storage is a wild concept. Ideally, one would come back to something they'd put there in hopes of reminiscing. I have no emotional tie to this couch. It needs to be donated. 

Does writing change you? How does writing make you a better person?
I think writing solidifies me. It makes the fuzzy in my mind clear and the forming ideas form. I don't think that it changes me. If it were to change me, everything I wrote would be different and I'd be lost. Becuase writing helps me understand who I am, it helps me become a better person by acknowledgment. 

This also means that when I am in an identity crisis I steer away from writing knowing that the truth lies in words.

Write a one- minute "Thank You" note to someone.
Dear, someone I will not name,
Thank you for coming back into my life. I didn't know how much I'd missed you until you came back. I thought I did but that-

What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given?
To watch it like the ocean waves. To observe it moving and notice the patterns. Not to jump into it becuase the cold water of the Pacific ocean will make one do things you didn't think it could. 

it- being anxiety attacks. 
20:32

I can hold my blog now

Monday, July 1, 2019


MY BLOG IS IN A BINDER NOW//
Like many bloggers, I had the fear of Blogger being shut down randomly and losing all the posts I had written since I was 15. So, in the Fall of 2018, I put all my posts into a word document, reformated it, and those pages sat there until I decided to print all 238 pages of my blog. Recently, I printed those pages, hole punched them and put them into a binder. 

Over the past few days, I have been reading the posts which I can now hold and see on paper! It's been a very nostalgic journey reading posts I haven't dared to think about from my 15-year-old self. I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my feelings and thoughts on the manner.

BLOGGING HISTORY//

THOUGHTS//
As I've been reading old posts the one thought that keeps coming into my mind is that I was a story in the making. There are posts where I am talking about where I would be in five years from when I was 17 and although 70% of what I thought I would be doing is wrong I still got some of it right. The younger writer in me was a draft. Looking back at these posts, I see a version of myself who knew what she loved and was developing thoughts but still didn't have a realistic understanding of the world or herself.

I feel so much as I read through the first few years of posts. Laughs coming from me as I read about what high school was like, what I did in summer, what thoughts I had, and where I dreamed of being. I didn't think I was a naive teen until now but there is also a gentleness towards that 15-year-old becuase she had so much hope. 

From freshman year to senior year, posts develope from short, "Hello, here is what's happening," posts to, "This is what I think and feel." The change is evident as posts become longer. The naive teen slips away a little bit at a time when asked where I see myself in a few years is answered more simplisticly. The blogging community also became more united as I found girls like myself who wanted to share words with each other.

The last two years of college are something I laugh at through what I blogged. One of my very first posts about college is about how I had left signing up for classes until the very last minute. I later then remark months after that I did the very same thing. Silly, college student. The conversations with the people I had at college changed my thoughts too. I blogged a lot about the people I met there. I was always in shock that these people weren't complete assholes. Go figure that people who aren't stuck together for four years in high school with raging hormones aren't complete meanies.

Today, I read old blog posts in my blog binder. I may not have written a book but I wrote a blog and that is something I am proud of. My heart is content knowing that I have grown so much in thoughts and words.


SNIPPETS//
"Currently I'm sitting here at Great Wolf with a bunch and I mean a freaking large amount of children." -2014, Great Wolf

"I'm so bored right now. The family is asleep and I can't do much but lay here in bed and pray that I, Vanessa, will find something to do in the middle of the night." -2014, Can't Sleep

"What I am saying is that instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future we should focus on what is happening right now." 2015, Focusing On The Moment

"What motivates me the most to write is the fact that I want to be able to look back on what I have done and experienced in my teenage life." 2015, Why I blog

"Sleeping in the car is always difficult. The noise, being bumped around, and sunlight kissing your eyeballs when all you want is a dark calm space to drift off." 2015, A Week I Won't Forget

"I wonder if any of you have this problem that when you spend so long alone doing whatever you want that when you have to interact with people again you question how you'll be able to survive that." 2016, Mini Rants

"Looking into my future is like looking through the fog, most of it is unclear, but if you look closely you can make out a few things." 2016, 100 Followers

"All today, becuase of yesterday's mistake I was looking through classes and trying to put together a schedule so that I could take classes tomorrow and the rest of the term." 2016, Frustrating College Stuff

"I learned something from every person that left me with an empty feeling when I say their name. I wrote down their names, thankful for them." 2016, I'm Thankful For Disappointment

"Coffee, small talks, smile, stretching, showers, and a hint of sarcastically complaining have helped me stay alive when I have felt the most like giving up." 2017, I'm Me When I'm Alone

"Slowly I was seeing your face fade, I was regaining consciousness, I wanted to stay, but human nature dragged me away." 2017, Raven

"Summer, as usual, has been slow. It's like one of the child- friendly rides at the amusement park. It's not the most exciting ride but you enjoy it becuase it brings back memories." 2017, Blah

"I sit in class wondering how she is. My body sits in a chair but my mind isn't present." 2018, Not Here

"I am laying in a room where the sun shines on the carpet. The sun is like a cuddle." 2018, V's Random Thoughts

"A little time to do something my inner child loves. I love letting my inner child stand out. It allows me to think less and just be." 2018, V's Random Thoughts

"She reminded me to look back at the rainbow and I know that can be taken into daily living with me. Allowing myself to see the rainbow- even look for it." 2019, The Rainbow Behind You

Here is to more blogging years!

Sweetly, Hello from V.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019


My dearest friends,

It's been too long since I've sat down and written a blog post. Truth is, life's been so up and down that there hasn't been time to reflect and share on here. I've had time to journal, talk with a few friends, write the newsletter, get to know others, work, and do school related things but I have not had much time for me. Admittedly, the only reason I am getting to this post now is becuase blogging has been flashing in my mind so brightly I need to dim it down so I can concentrate on other life/adult things.

ADULT I N G- what?

It's a big f***ing headache. It's not what you think. Adulting in the world of V happens to be spending time on things that will secure my future. It's allowing more time to build a foundation so that when I build upwards there is less likely hood on falling. The ONLY problem is I don't know how to build the foundation without giving my workers back strain and other problems that will put them out of work. Pacing is fundamental.

Adulting, college, and work can all be shoved in the same box for now. I don't want to bore you by talking about what I can no longer stand to rant about.

This note plays a happy tune. I AM A BALLET INSTRUCTOR. My friends, the dream is fulfilled. I am teaching dance at a local rec center to 3-5-year-olds and it is the most heartwarming thing. It's a very new job (I am still celebrating) but boy, has it given me joy. I can't believe it has happened so soon in my career and I also can not contain my excitement.

Here are a few snippets from my dearest journal //

"We may never talk again but she made me feel smart and in the moment joy."

"We turned on Kesha while standing on the red bench, together we danced. Obnoxious for sure, but on a Monday at 10:59 it was the perfect mood boost."

"I mean those eyes. And smile."

"I am a unique person, it's unique that I think that. Cliche to say you are no one and nothing special, however, knowing you are truly are one of a kind is rare." No one sees that anymore in today's world. Maybe we are afraid to admit it becuase we know there are other humans hurting who might hurt more when they heard us say that. (Thoughts now.)"

"Feels like I'm high, all the colors and sound in the world are extra popping."

"There is something so beautiful about knowing this morning is one of the last chilly ones we'll have here in Oregon for a while. It's more appreciated becuase I now there won't be too many more days like this one." 

So, friends, I am around just busy hanging on for dear life. Hoping that this summer I'll be able to get back to all the little things that bring me so much peace. I can't wait for that. To not have school on my mind sounds like a blessing.

It's been sweet catching up. I missed blogger girl, V! Be back soon.

Tell me what you're up to!

Love,
V

A year after.

Monday, April 29, 2019

I wanted you to see me just so you'd see how far I'd come.



You were wearing khaki shorts, a black tee shirt, and sunglasses that'd I watched you put on as you walked by.

Those tinted lenses couldn't ever taint the feeling I get when you look my way.

I felt the look.

Depression's Strangling Arms

Sunday, April 21, 2019

Arms are placed tightly around my core, strangling me.
Oxygen is leaving my lungs with every scream and kick
I look like I am having a seizure in the arms around me.
Fatigue is peaking out from behind a street light glowing. 

His grubby hands toss me up and over
for a second my body is weightl--
my stomach crashes onto the rock of his shoulder.
The air I held in escapes me and Hope is taken with my breath.

One more kick.
Mud stained and oil traced pink Bangs kick into the core of the problem

A hand takes a fistful of my hair and pulls my neck back
Millions of needles are pierced into my skin.
The bee sting like feeling makes me yell out 

"FIRE-"

There is a fire burning in me as I try to stay hopeful.
I'm fighting to stay in situations that didn't make me 
uneasy before

My lungs are letting out screams and I'm sucking in large inhales that burn on the way in
Traces of oxygen keep the fire burning in me
Until I am out of Depression's strangling arms,
I'll keep fighting the hardest fight with the most Hope for living.


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